Which mail app are you using? It's hard to give any suggestions when you don't give some details to us. Different mail apps have different capabilities and include different options. That said, for some it really is a benefit to not having your phone always beeping or having a flashing LED constantly distracting you. It's not really that much of a problem to just press a button to have your email refresh itself manually instead of automatically.
Just as an example with K-9 Mail there are settings to toggle on/off the LED notification (and color), vibrate, and sound notification. They're separate options so you just set up one or all three the way that suits you.