Abbyscreams

Another thing, turn off the phone, take out the battery, wait a few seconds. Then pop the battery back in and turn it on. Anything?

Do this for me, go to Settings > Storage > Does it even think it has a SD card? I've seen this before where it goes into Read Only mode. If it is in Read Only, put it in your computer and you'll need to format it as FAT32. Try Googling the ways to format on your computer's OS.