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What should I do?

Thatdad

Thatdad

Android Expert
So..

I've finally decided to stop holding and bottling up my emotions. I've been doing this for 3 years.

So I feel an overwhelming hopelessness, loneliness, and oppressive sadness. I feel like I'm the most unattractive person in the world and I just feel terrible.

I feel like I want to cry. And I'm not suicidal by any means. I do feel like death would be somewhat comforting though.

I feel this way all the time.

I know this is a problem and I should get help. But I don't know what to really do about it.

Do I have a mental disorder? Who should I talk to?

And I assure everyone, I won't harm myself or anyone. I'm just confused.
 
Hey there SS,

I moved your thread here if you don't mind and sent you a p.m. too:)

Can I ask what your first name is? Just want to feel more comfy if I know folks real names is all. If you don't, that's cool.

Do you think you feel this way because of the way you look? Or are there other factors contributing to your feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and sadness?

I don't want to pry, and you need not divulge anything more than you want;)
 
Hey, SS, sorry to hear about your situation. :(
Do you have family or friends you can go to for support?
And, never feel bad about crying, it certainly gets the emotions moving. Finding a new outlet for your sadness like working out, getting a new hobby, meeting new friends are all beneficial. Hope all the best for you.
 
SS, Never ever think you are alone in having these feelings.
While I don't know the reasons behind your feelings, I seriously doubt that anyone would label you as crazy for having them. I am pretty sure that a good portion of humanity has suffered with these feelings of worthlessness at some point, and some of us struggle with them several times throughout our lifetimes.
While I am not qualified to diagnose the problems that cause you this distress, I can assure you that there are various reasons that they could be happening.
You could even have a physical reason behind it, such as a chemical imbalance in your brain (low seratonin) that could easily be treated with medicine. Please talk to a psychologist who will help you get to the bottom of whatever is causing these sad feelings. I promise you will become a better and happier person for it, and there is no shame in getting the help you need to feel good about yourself in this life.
You are worth it!:)
 
I think it's mostly the abuse I've been through. (all forms from abuse except sexual) from 4-18. I'm 20 and about to be 21.

I don't know I don't ever cry. I don't know why though..
 
Well SS, realizing that you need help in your situation is definitely a step in the right direction. Half of the battle is already won from that alone.

It's also never good to keep your emotions bottled up. Otherwise you'll be like a bomb ready to detonate any second.

Take heed to everyone's advice here and keep fighting the good fight. You'll get through this. :)
 
You've been through a lot lately, including losing your grandfather and dealing with the emotional fallout from that, both your own and your family members'. Now, with the added info about abuse, it's not surprising at all that you're depressed.

And that's what it sounds like: depression.

But there's help available, and you're already on the right track simply by recognizing that there's a problem and that you want to feel better.

The very first thing I'd recommend doing is seeing your physician. If you haven't had a physical lately, you really should, making sure it includes standard lab work. There can be a myriad of physical issues contributing to your feelings, but you won't know until you rule them out.

Next step is asking for a referral to a good therapist. Depending on whether you need medication, this may be a psychiatrist, a clinical social worker, a psychologist, or any of several other mental health professionals. Don't let anyone talk you into taking medication and doing nothing else. Talk therapy is absolutely critical. With a good therapist and, of course, depending on what your problems are, you may not need meds at all. But if you do, there's no shame in that. So don't be stoic about it! :)

Finally, remember that we're all here for you.
 
Sometimes I find that a really good cry helps. And counseling. It feels really good to talk to someone and they just listen without judgment.
 
I think MoodyBlues is on the right track with her advice about seeing a doctor.

Obviously, I'm no expert, but what you describe sounds very like the sort of thing my brother and a former friend suffered from and they were diagnosed as having depression - an overused word, however, clinical depression is a truly debilitating condition that requires treatment.

The good news is that there are relatively effective treatments for many forms of depression. As MoodyBlues suggests, these are usually drugs (modern anti-depressants are more effective and have fewer side affects than in the past), therapy or some combination of the two.

There is hope: I believe the former friend who suffered from depression is now a therapist, so I guess therapy worked for him. My brother was briefly on medication and has been way better since.
 
I think I may be Bi-Polar so, I know how you feel at times.
When I was younger (Geese, thats the second time today where I cited my passed, I am getting old) I was going through a lot of things with my bff :)
Eventually we did nothing but argue... and I got to the point where I did want it all to end.. I seeked help, and that one counselor did the most out of all the other ones I had.

My suggestion, go for help, because they will help. Because when you break it all down, your feelings are because of the Deep Limbic system (A part of your brain that controls emotion, based on memory, the cerribellum part of the brain. (I just started this class, I'm no expert)
But these Psychologist have studied the brain, and know much better of what to do, and how to treat you than probably everyone on the forums.
 
ss1992 my friend.

I want to congratulate you on such extreme courage many should take serious note of.

Well done - congrats my friend. :)

You are just hurt inside.

You have had a lot to deal with my friend.

I remember the traumatic hurdle you had to recently over come - your oupa / Grandfather - I remember.

If there is one thing I know about you is that the world NEEDS more people liek you.

People that are open.

People that are honest.

People that see pain - and want to make it better not worse with worthless quick fixes that aren't even real or getting to real the center of pollution in our troubled times.

You are real.

I don't care if you look like Igor from that movie.

You are real real real real real and nobody or anything can take that away from you - period.

You are genuine .. the Real McCoy.

Other people wear lipstick.... they get breast implants.. dye their hair... but they are just extreme hollow shells that I would not be able to stand for more than 5 seconds.

Real people do real changes.

Ordinary - will never change the world.

You have got pain inside and it in a way it is very very very understandable.

For those like you and me - it can at times be a bit of a difficult / strange world to comprehend - maybe because people like you and I are just way too damn smart for this place at times.

You are brilliant.

I don't "think" so I KNOW so...

If you have pain inside the only thing I highly recommend is talk to someone you can trust that will listen and not insult / judge you or the situation.

I have huge pain bottled inside.

It starts with my own family.

It is rough - but I then take a walk to the squatter camps in SA and wake up to realise / remind myself it is not too bad.

It sucks but not as much as this / squatter camps.

(I don't stick around the squatter camp zone for too long - in SA you will get ripped apart by them)

If you want to you are more than welcome to share your experiences with me.

Maybe we can learn something positive together perhaps? :)

Remember my friend "Rome was never built in a day".

I like music - but I think you might have gathered this already. ;)

I got a perfect song for you.

When I thought about you and your situation this song came to my mind here are the lyrics it is a ******* awesome song and an even more brilliant man:

Lyrics to "Scatman's World" by Scatman John - it is a wonderful song 1 of the best I have EVER heard hands down!!!! :)

I'm calling out from Scatland
I'm calling out from Scatman's world.
If you want to break free you better listen to me.
You got to learn how to see in your fantasy.

Everybody's talkin' something very shockin' just to
Keep on blockin' what they're feelin' inside but
Listen to me brother, you just keep on walkin' 'cause
You and me and sister ain't got nothin' to hide.
Scatman, fat man, black and white and brown man
Tell me 'bout the colour of your soul.
If part of your solution isn't ending the pollution
Then I don't want to hear your stories told.
I want to welcome you to Scatman's world
Click to expand...
I want you to watch this video YOU HAVE GOT IT WILL REMIND YOU HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

Please watch it!

YOU ARE WORTH IT


I did a "chicken dance" when listening to this freeeeeaking awesome song... oh my God this song rocks dude.

Go forth young skywalker.

And yes ss1992... the force is with you! ;)

Totally with you. :)
 
Stinky Stinky said:
ss1992 my friend.

I want to congratulate you on such extreme courage many should take serious note of.

Well done - congrats my friend. :)

You are just hurt inside.

You have had a lot to deal with my friend.

I remember the traumatic hurdle you had to recently over come - your oupa / Grandfather - I remember.

If there is one thing I know about you is that the world NEEDS more people liek you.

People that are open.

People that are honest.

People that see pain - and want to make it better not worse with worthless quick fixes that aren't even real or getting to real the center of pollution in our troubled times.

You are real.

I don't care if you look like Igor from that movie.

You are real real real real real and nobody or anything can take that away from you - period.

You are genuine .. the Real McCoy.

Other people wear lipstick.... they get breast implants.. dye their hair... but they are just extreme hollow shells that I would not be able to stand for more than 5 seconds.

Real people do real changes.

Ordinary - will never change the world.

You have got pain inside and it in a way it is very very very understandable.

For those like you and me - it can at times be a bit of a difficult / strange world to comprehend - maybe because people like you and I are just way too damn smart for this place at times.

You are brilliant.

I don't "think" so I KNOW so...

If you have pain inside the only thing I highly recommend is talk to someone you can trust that will listen and not insult / judge you or the situation.

I have huge pain bottled inside.

It starts with my own family.

It is rough - but I then take a walk to the squatter camps in SA and wake up to realise / remind myself it is not too bad.

It sucks but not as much as this / squatter camps.

(I don't stick around the squatter camp zone for too long - in SA you will get ripped apart by them)

If you want to you are more than welcome to share your experiences with me.

Maybe we can learn something positive together perhaps? :)

Remember my friend "Rome was never built in a day".

I like music - but I think you might have gathered this already. ;)

I got a perfect song for you.

When I thought about you and your situation this song came to my mind here are the lyrics it is a ******* awesome song and an even more brilliant man:

Lyrics to "Scatman's World" by Scatman John - it is a wonderful song 1 of the best I have EVER heard hands down!!!! :)

I want you to watch this video YOU HAVE GOT IT WILL REMIND YOU HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

Please watch it!

YOU ARE WORTH IT


I did a "chicken dance" when listening to this freeeeeaking awesome song... oh my God this song rocks dude.

Go forth young skywalker.

And yes ss1992... the force is with you! ;)

Totally with you. :)
Click to expand...

Thank you for those those encouraging words. :')

Basically from 4-7 I was beaten on a daily basis by my meth head step dad and mom.
Then from from 7-12 I heard it all
"you're worthless. "
" the devil even thinks your crap. "
Once I retorted to my step grandma every human being has rights and deserves the best in life.
" People do have rights. But you're not a person. You're nothing. " was her response. (9 years old at this time)
When I was half way to 10 was when I was prescribed adderal.

Some of you may know this and some of you don't. But in the early 2000s was when the "add adhd boom" came. Well they were giving way to high doses to kids. I was one of them. I couldn't eat until way late at night. So I would sneak and eat out of the fridge at 10 or so.

Step grandma caught a wiff of it.. So she would make sure I wouldn't eat. From 9 1/2 - 12 I was 85-95 lbs and 4 foot 8? I was basically malnourished and starving in an upper class city "North Richland Hills"

It's kind of ironic. Starving kids in Africa and I was starving in America. It's weird to think of it now.

But anyways from 12-18 my dad called me a ****** stupid lazy good for nothing etc. Etc.

I had to fight him a few times because he would try to choke me sometimes.

I hold no ill will for any of my tormentors. But I learned much.

If anyone who views this thread is underage or stuck in an abusive household. Leave. Tell someone.

Don't let it continue! If you keep letting it happen you'll turn out like me.

Also if you are in school and think someone is being abused visit here.
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline-home

Tell a parent or trusted adult to visit also to help.
 
Hey there buddy, I know how you feel and how its going but maybe trust me that things will get better and no matter what it is I am your friend though if you know me or not and when ever you want you can lean your head on my shoulder I guess I am a tree that stands stills for the tears of others lols, but anyway hope yah get well n lift that head up high I know your strong in there, Whispers "Even guys cry, not only gurls" :p
 
SS you are on your way. You have gone through two major steps to recovery. Step one, admitting you have a problem and step two admitting coming to the realization that your family is not perfect and your experiences are not normal. Believe it or not step two is pretty hard, I've seen a lot of people fail at step two trying to protect their family even when they're totally messed up. Step three, which it sounds like you're working on is severing the personal attacks from those who have hurt you. You probably felt a lot of shame from the things that your family has said, but that is not who you are.

It's going to help you to keep a journal of when the negative feelings come and if they connect to a certain thought or memory from the past that's surfacing. Knowing how the past has affected you will have a positive effect on your future.

There are some things that you can do right now to help you feel better. First, sleep, make sure you get enough sleep. Create positive sleep patterns. Being tired all the time only worsens the effects of depression.

Second avoid fatty foods, replace with healthy foods like fish and colorful vegitables. Fatty foods also add to depression. Foods like fish which have Omega 3 fatty acids and foods rich in nutrients like colorful vegitables help.

Third, look into natural suplements. Be sure to take a daily dose vitamin and also add something like Omega 3 and Rhodiola Rosea which some say works better than anti-depressant medications (not saying you shouldn't anti-depressants them if prescribed).

Edit: Forgot, add regular exercise to your routine. Just something to get your body moving and blood pumping. Walk around the block for 30 minutes or something. Just move! Exercise helps you feel better. Whether you go the the gym or are playing Wii, or dance to music privately in your room, do it.
 
rabidhunter said:
SS you are on your way. You have gone through two major steps to recovery. Step one, admitting you have a problem and step two admitting coming to the realization that your family is not perfect and your experiences are not normal. Believe it or not step two is pretty hard, I've seen a lot of people fail at step two trying to protect their family even when they're totally messed up. Step three, which it sounds like you're working on is severing the personal attacks from those who have hurt you. You probably felt a lot of shame from the things that your family has said, but that is not who you are.

It's going to help you to keep a journal of when the negative feelings come and if they connect to a certain thought or memory from the past that's surfacing. Knowing how the past has affected you will have a positive effect on your future.

There are some things that you can do right now to help you feel better. First, sleep, make sure you get enough sleep. Create positive sleep patterns. Being tired all the time only worsens the effects of depression.

Second avoid fatty foods, replace with healthy foods like fish and colorful vegitables. Fatty foods also add to depression. Foods like fish which have Omega 3 fatty acids and foods rich in nutrients like colorful vegitables help.

Third, look into natural suplements. Be sure to take a daily dose vitamin and also add something like Omega 3 and Rhodiola Rosea which some say works better than anti-depressant medications (not saying you shouldn't anti-depressants them if prescribed).

Edit: Forgot, add regular exercise to your routine. Just something to get your body moving and blood pumping. Walk around the block for 30 minutes or something. Just move! Exercise helps you feel better. Whether you go the the gym or are playing Wii, or dance to music privately in your room, do it.
Click to expand...

Thanks :)

I was talking to my dad about it, and he told me that I was actually diagnosed with clinical depression as a kid. I don't remember it though.

Thankfully my town has a good health program for people who are unemployed. I'll call their office today and schedule a consultation or whatever it's called.

On a positive note, I have two interviews tomorrow. :thumbup:

Oh and I go running everyday about a mile or 2 with my pittie Sally. :)

Also, after I get balanced out, y'all may not hear from me after a while because I may be going to North Korea and Sudan (particularly Darfur area) to provide crisis relief and join the Darfur and North Korean human rights movement.
 
ss1992 said:
Thanks :)

I was talking to my dad about it, and he told me that I was actually diagnosed with clinical depression as a kid. I don't remember it though.

Thankfully my town has a good health program for people who are unemployed. I'll call their office today and schedule a consultation or whatever it's called.

On a positive note, I have two interviews tomorrow. :thumbup:

Oh and I go running everyday about a mile or 2 with my pittie Sally. :)

Also, after I get balanced out, y'all may not hear from me after a while because I may be going to North Korea and Sudan (particularly Darfur area) to provide crisis relief and join the Darfur and North Korean human rights movement.
Click to expand...


WOW! didn't see this thread till just now!
good for you!! :) I think you should be very proud of yourself!!!it takes courage to realize that something is wrong and you may need help...it takes a very strong person to ask for help...The easiest thing to do is...nothing.
but you didn't!!!...you reached out and took control! Nicely done!!! you must be a very strong person....

It's very admirable that you want to help with crisis relief..and very brave...but then again you already proved that you are strong and brave....
just please be careful!!!:(
 
huh said:
WOW! didn't see this thread till just now!
good for you!! :) I think you should be very proud of yourself!!!it takes courage to realize that something is wrong and you may need help...it takes a very strong person to ask for help...The easiest thing to do is...nothing.
but you didn't!!!...you reached out and took control! Nicely done!!! you must be a very strong person....

It's very admirable that you want to help with crisis relief..and very brave...but then again you already proved that you are strong and brave....
just please be careful!!!:(
Click to expand...

I watched a video that was submitted by an unknown North Korean where they tied people up and executed them for not renouncing their faith in Christ.

It's the most hostile against Christians region in the whole world. Normally that makes people not want to bring bibles or do missions there since owning a bible is grounds for execution, but I'm gonna do it. :thumbup:
 
ss1992 said:
I watched a video that was submitted by an unknown North Korean where they tied people up and executed them for not renouncing their faith in Christ.

It's the most hostile against Christians region in the whole world. Normally that makes people not want to bring bibles or do missions there since owning a bible is grounds for execution, but I'm gonna do it. :thumbup:
Click to expand...

:eek::( I know what it's like to want to stop the inhumanity and suffering in this world...I do! That's the reason I'm vegetarian...the thought of anything suffering can literally hit me like a bullet and bring me to to the brink....I couldn't watch the Syrian footage...I can't even think about what goes on in this world sometimes...or I think I would literally shut down...I had to look up something on the book The Call of the Wild the other day and was in tears most of the day because I remembered when I read it it middle school..how Buck the dog was abused..IT WAS A FICTION NOVEL!!!!! for heaven's sake...but I can't help it....:rolleyes:

I think some of us are born with very strong empathetic brain processes..(empaths) almost to the point of overdrive....kind of polar opposite of serial killers..with their total lack of any empathy...

just be careful:(
 
huh said:
:eek::( I know what it's like to want to stop the inhumanity and suffering in this world...I do! That's the reason I'm vegetarian...the thought of anything suffering can literally hit me like a bullet and bring me to to the brink....I couldn't watch the Syrian footage...I can't even think about what goes on in this world sometimes...or I think I would literally shut down...I had to look up something on the book The Call of the Wild the other day and was in tears most of the day because I remembered when I read it it middle school..how Buck the dog was abused..IT WAS A FICTION NOVEL!!!!! for heaven's sake...but I can't help it....:rolleyes:

I think some of us are born with very strong empathetic brain processes..(empaths) almost to the point of overdrive....kind of polar opposite of serial killers..with their total lack of any empathy...

just be careful:(
Click to expand...

I was vegetarian until my old family doctor found out I'm anemic and I need some weird amino acid that is only found in animals. :/
 
ss1992 said:
I was vegetarian until my old family doctor found out I'm anemic and I need some weird amino acid that is only found in animals. :/
Click to expand...
That's a new one on me--and I've been vegetarian (really more like 99% vegan) for 25 years (as of last month! :D). Do you recall the name of this amino acid? Also, which type of anemia is it? I have the type where I produce plenty of red blood cells, but then they die off quickly, resulting in anemia. Just curious as to which type you're dealing with.
 
MoodyBlues said:
That's a new one on me--and I've been vegetarian (really more like 99% vegan) for 25 years (as of last month! :D). Do you recall the name of this amino acid? Also, which type of anemia is it? I have the type where I produce plenty of red blood cells, but then they die off quickly, resulting in anemia. Just curious as to which type you're dealing with.
Click to expand...

I don't remember what the amino acid was, and all I remember them telling me was i had low iron or something. (was on pretty decent painkillers lol)
 
ss1992 said:
I watched a video that was submitted by an unknown North Korean where they tied people up and executed them for not renouncing their faith in Christ.

It's the most hostile against Christians region in the whole world. Normally that makes people not want to bring bibles or do missions there since owning a bible is grounds for execution, but I'm gonna do it. :thumbup:
Click to expand...

God bless you for doing that. There is nothing more faith building than to put it all on the line. I wish more of us Christians (including myself) would get out of the pews, realize that we are the church, go out and serve the world. So many of us squabble and argue over small and petty things that don't make a flies hair worth a difference in the kingdom of heaven when out in the world people die or are tortured for confessing Christ or reading a Bible.

I am proud of you SS.
 
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