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The (Official?) “I’m Married” Thread
- Thread starter rootabaga
- Start date
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
Typical
rootabaga
Android Expert
I've eaten my share of Indian food, and neither "bland" nor "tasteless" are descriptions that come to mind...either she's correct about big daddy, or she's the worst cook in Asia!
(Of course he is)
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
Milo Willamson
Extreme Android User
IS she happy with you, she looks like she can light up town.
^- that's not my wife in the meme but believe me: she and I are VERY happy together and we can definitely light up the town 
Here's the Darling Bride and me from Christmas season 2025. I contribute to her delinquency and she enjoys every minute of it:
Here's the Darling Bride and me from Christmas season 2025. I contribute to her delinquency and she enjoys every minute of it:
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
rootabaga
Android Expert
NEVER, EVER, EVER give that cake to your wife if you (a) sleep at all and (b) value your junk! For reference, look up "Lorena Bobbitt"
WARNING: VERY NSFW
A husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach...
When suddenly a bee flies straight into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her up into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.
At the hospital, the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the bee, with each one failing. The doctor comes up with an idea, turns to the husband and says, "We will coat your penis with honey and you insert it into your wife. When you feel the bee on your head, you slowly remove it."
The husband gives it a try but with all the screaming, frantic driving and the stress of the situation, he can't get an erection. The doctor says, "With both your permissions, I can perform the procedure."
Fearing that the bee could do real damage in there, they both readily agree. The doctor pulls down his scrubs, smears himself with honey and gets instantly hard. He slowly inserts his honey-coated penis a few inches into the wife's vagina. Withdraws an inch, slides back in a couple inches, withdraws a few inches. "There he is... no, lost him... wait, I think I got him... no, no. Lost him again..."
Over the next 20 minutes the doctor's comments have turned to grunts and pants. He now has sweat dripping from his face as he pumps the wife vigorously. The wife, eyes rolled back in her head, is moaning wildly and her legs are locked around the doctor's hips. The husband is on the edge of his seat and yells, "Doctor, tell me what's happening! What's going on in there?!"
Doctor groans, "Change of plans. I'm going to drown that little sucker."
When suddenly a bee flies straight into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her up into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.
At the hospital, the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the bee, with each one failing. The doctor comes up with an idea, turns to the husband and says, "We will coat your penis with honey and you insert it into your wife. When you feel the bee on your head, you slowly remove it."
The husband gives it a try but with all the screaming, frantic driving and the stress of the situation, he can't get an erection. The doctor says, "With both your permissions, I can perform the procedure."
Fearing that the bee could do real damage in there, they both readily agree. The doctor pulls down his scrubs, smears himself with honey and gets instantly hard. He slowly inserts his honey-coated penis a few inches into the wife's vagina. Withdraws an inch, slides back in a couple inches, withdraws a few inches. "There he is... no, lost him... wait, I think I got him... no, no. Lost him again..."
Over the next 20 minutes the doctor's comments have turned to grunts and pants. He now has sweat dripping from his face as he pumps the wife vigorously. The wife, eyes rolled back in her head, is moaning wildly and her legs are locked around the doctor's hips. The husband is on the edge of his seat and yells, "Doctor, tell me what's happening! What's going on in there?!"
Doctor groans, "Change of plans. I'm going to drown that little sucker."
This is very accurate...
rootabaga
Android Expert
Regrettably, it doesn't get better after you're both retired. If I know she has something in the morning, the night before I'll ask her what time her alarm is set for (shrewd, eh?), but ultimately that doesn't get me off the hook. My only out is to say that I was sleeping so soundly I didn't hear her alarm (which is sometimes true).
We have not yet gotten to the point of her asking me to set my alarm so I can be sure she's up on time.
For whatever reason, my circadian rhythm is stuck in the morning to wake me up, no matter what, between 4:30 and 5:30 AM. Even if I force myself to stay up late, that's when I wake up. It's great in a way because I can get my coffee, stand outside and wave at satellites passing overhead, and admire the pre-dawn sky before daybreak. I have the Darling Bride's coffee ready whenever she wakes up: I start it, stir it, and do everything but drink it for her.
A man came home from church to his less religious wife: ruched in and lifted her entire body over her head.
After easing her back down, she gasped, swooning, "my oh my, what did the preacher talk about to put you in such a romantic mood???"
The husband answered, "nothing romantic... he just encouraged us to lift all our burdens to the Lord"
After easing her back down, she gasped, swooning, "my oh my, what did the preacher talk about to put you in such a romantic mood???"
The husband answered, "nothing romantic... he just encouraged us to lift all our burdens to the Lord"