Limericks

[BrickHouse]

Looking around the forum I didn't see any threads with limericks. So I think it'd be fun to see how many we can share.

I'll start with this one.

On the chest of the bar maid in sale
Were listed the prices of ale
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind
Was the same information in brail

 

[Dannydet]

At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.
My angriness sets my veins popping.
I yell and I curse,
With swear words diverse,
But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping.

 

[BrickHouse]

There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.

 

[BrickHouse]

And for those who took English Lit. beyond 101.

A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly" said the flea,
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.

 

[BrickHouse]

I'm papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly I haven't a clue;
For the pattern's all wrong
(Or the paper's too long)
And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue.

 

[Davdi]

I wanted a steak for my tea
But I'm vegetarian now, do you see?
I can't have the steak
so I thought "For ***'s sake"
It's vegetable curry for me.