My Niece Thinks A Cell Phone Is Her Daddy

[Remordere]

My brother-in-law is an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) at NJ. We didn't know my sister was pregnant at the time, but he keeps calling whenever he can with his wife and daughter.

Not until my niece was 5, that I realized that she thinks, or rather associate her mother's phone as her Dad. Because of expenses and his job(construction worker), they usually just call on the phone.

When my sister bought a new phone (I help pick it out), then her Dad calls, she proceeded to cry and saying "That's not Daddy! I want my Daddy!" then she went to my sister's room and got the old phone on the coffee table. She went back to the old phone.

Once my sister told us that when my niece accidentally dropped the phone, she started crying and said "Daddy! Are you OK? I'm sorry"

We tried to video calling once to let her know what Daddy really looks like, but she doesn't believe the face on the screen, even with the same voice is her Dad. We showed her pictures, doesn't do anything too.

My brother-in-law will be home, later this year. I just hope she finally know that her Dad's a human not a phone.

Anyone here have the same experience? I tried asking everyone else. So far, no one really knows why. Maybe because she got exposed to the "voice on the phone" than her actual Dad. Thought it must be the same phone.

 

[Frisco]

My heart goes out to that whole family, Remordere.

Associating an inanimate object with one's parent is that child's way of dealing with her situation.. she's doing a great job of that, but I'm thinking that hugs and photos and explanation will come across to her after a time.

It may take a while, but I'll bet that years from now the whole thing will seem amusing to that child.

 

[Remordere]

Yeah, It was sort of cute when she was little, but she's growing up. I remember one time my sister told me that she has having nightmares and in the middle of the night, she was asking for her Daddy. My sister put the phone besides her pillow.

Maybe she needs to be older to understand?

 

[Frisco]

Maybe she needs to be older to understand?

I think so.

 

[Roze]

Your post made me smile and think how cute and innocent children are.

I think it'll be better once she sees her dad and hangs out with him for awhile. Then she will associate daddy is human and not a phone. When was the last time she saw her dad? Must have been really young. I think also, instead of just phone calling now, your sister should do video conferencing and not use the phone. I mean it takes time for your niece to adjust but she might get use to dad is the man on the screen. Doing it once in awhile and mostly use the phone doesn't reinforce this.

Does your sister take your niece out? Like to friends' that have kids her own age. I mean if she sees other kids calling 'dad' to a person, she should realize that what a 'dad' is.

 

[Remordere]

Your post made me smile and think how cute and innocent children are.

I think it'll be better once she sees her dad and hangs out with him for awhile. Then she will associate daddy is human and not a phone. When was the last time she saw her dad? Must have been really young. I think also, instead of just phone calling now, your sister should do video conferencing and not use the phone. I mean it takes time for your niece to adjust but she might get use to dad is the man on the screen. Doing it once in awhile and mostly use the phone doesn't reinforce this.

Does your sister take your niece out? Like to friends' that have kids her own age. I mean if she sees other kids calling 'dad' to a person, she should realize that what a 'dad' is.

She never saw her Dad face to face. He went away before she was born. We did try using video conference for some reason she doesn't want to talk to the "big man on the TV" and just want the voice. She will refuse to go near the computer. (we can't get video calls in the phone in our country).

There was one time her little classmate ask "Where's your Papa?" she replied pointing to my sister's pocket "With mommy".

She does know about the "human dads" she just think that her's is a voice.

Then we tried only calling on the dad phone to teach her that only voices are there not the real person. When my sister said to my niece that I was on the phone. Here's or conversation

she said "Hi! Why are you there? Are you with Daddy?"
"Daddy's not here, sweetheart."
"Where's Daddy?"
"Daddy's in the State's remember. I'm here at the park"
"Did you go see Daddy?"
"No, Daddy's very far away"
"But this is Daddy's phone"
"I can call on Daddy's phone too."
"Don't do that. Daddy will be mad. Daddy's the only one who can call here."

So it seems she knows her Daddy is not a phone, but a voice in it. Or I don't know I get confused on what that kids thinking.

 

[Roze]

Oh ...this is much more serious than I thought...

It's as cute as hell...it's as disturbing as hell too.

I hope she understands once she sees her dad. I think it takes some time getting use to.

I remembered when I was 5 yo and immigrated to Canada and saw my dad for the first time, I thought he was 'too old' to be my dad. I refused to hug him and said, 'but mommy that man is as old as a grandpa!'. My mom showed pictures of my dad when I was little but I guess they weren't as recent, lol. As I hung around him and got to know him better, I became more comfortable in calling him daddy. I'm thinking the same will happen to your niece.

 

[DaSchmarotzer]

It could be hard for the dad if he gets "rejected" by his own daughter when he shows up in person.

I hope everything turns out for the best.

 

[DylanTimby]

Once she meets up with her dad she should be fine, 1 of my step-sisters dads ran away when she was young(about 6months old), she never spoke to him on phone, but when she went on contact with him through social services she started calling him dad straight away, I hope this helps.





-Dylan

 

[cipher6]

If the only way she has ever communicated with her dad is through the phone, its natural she will associate the phone with her dad. Children are too young at that age to think in the abstract.

I remember when my sister was very young, and my dad shaved his beard. My little sister had never seen my dad freshly shaved, and when she saw him for the first time without a beard, she didn't recognize him and got scared. It didn't last long, he held her talked to her and soon she realized it was the same guy.

It might take a little longer for her, having never seen her dad, but she will realize it when he is back around and interacting with her.

Maybe, if she is shy or scared of her dad in person, have him call the phone from the same room. Then she can see both the phone dad she knows, and the human dad, and start to associate the two.