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Tell me a joke...

Your face.
Tongue%20Wink.png
 
A guy walks into a bar and saw a horse at the bar with a jar of money in front of it. The guy orders his beer and then asks the bartender "What's the deal with that horse standing at the bar?". The bartender replies "Well, you put $10 in the jar and then, if you can make the horse laugh, you get all the money in the jar". The guy thinks about it for a few minutes while finishing his beer. He then takes out $10, puts it in the jar, and whispers into the horses ear. The horse starts whinnying and laughing so the guy takes all the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and leaves. A week later the guy walks into the same bar and sees the same horse at the bar again. He orders his beer and asks the bartender "Still gotta make the horse laugh?". The bartender says "Nope, now you gotta make him cry". The guy thinks for a bit while drinking his beer. He then puts his $10 in the jar and leads the horse out the back door. a few moments later he brings the horse back in and, sure enough, the horse is crying. The guy takes the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and heads to the door. The bartender calls out " Hey! I have to ask... what did you say to the horse to make him laugh?". The guy said " I told him my schlong was bigger than his". "Ok," says the bartender, "then what did you do to make him cry??".



"I proved it!", he says.
 
A guy walks up to the bar, orders his beer, and then says to the bartender " I will bet you $300 that I can stand at one end of your bar while you place a shot glass on the other end and I will be able to piss in it without spilling a drop". Now the bartender figures the guy is nuts and thinks this will be an easy bet so he sets up the shot glass and says "Go ahead and give it your best". The guy slams down the rest of his beer, gives a mighty belch, unzips his pants, and proceeds to piss all over the bar. The bartender laughs loudly and, with a big grin, holds out his hand "You owe me $300, fella!". While the guy is paying him the bartender sees a customer at a corner booth banging his head against the table. "What is the matter with that guy, do ya think?" the bartender says. "Him?" says the guy. Oh, I bet him $1000 I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it!"
 
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