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The Grief Thread

rootabaga

rootabaga

Android Expert
I've been pondering this for a while, and after inadvertently birthing the social anxiety thread, with its useful discussion, I figured it might be time to consider this one, too.

We all deal with grief in our lives, and the holidays, however joyous they may otherwise be, often tend to turn our thoughts to those who have left this life.

This is my third Christmas without my mom, and while I'm writing this I'm laying in bed in the house in which I grew up, and which was her residence up until her accident and death. (Living out of state it's been a long process to clear it out.) Personal beliefs assure me that I will see her again someday, when I too leave this life, and while there is significant comfort in that, in the here and now I nevertheless miss her terribly. We enjoyed a great relationship and beyond being my mom, she was a best friend. After spending fifty-odd years in her company at nearly every Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's only natural her absence would be felt strongly.

As it happens a friend on fb shared a meme that ultimately led me to the blog post below, and parts of it resonated deeply in my soul. So as a launching point for this thread, I offer you Jamie's blog post linked below.

If you're struggling with grief, I hope it will give you an additional perspective that will prove beneficial, not just at the holidays, but always.

http://allmylooseends.com/2014/03/lights-wink/
 
Sorry to hear about your Mom. Clearing out your parents' house is one of those tasks that must be so painful, with constant reminders of your loved ones.

But that's a beautiful article in your link. This paragraph particularly resonates with me -

"Grief, I’ve learned, is really love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go."

The thing I take from that is that you should tell the ones you love, that you love them. Because some day, they won't be around any more and you've lost the chance.

I so far have not had that much grief to bear in my life. I think the hardest was my Grandad, because he was such a lovely person and would do anything to help me. He fixed my bike, waited to pick me up from school in the car when it was pouring with rain, even taught me how to drive, and believe me that took a lot of patience. I miss him.
 
I've often been accused of handling grief oddly, which I see and acknowledge. My first real memory of grief is an early one. My father was murdered when I was 11 months old. So very early I was faced with loss. That said, my grandparents picked up the slack, grandpa was "dad" and I never knew what I never had. It never dawned on me.

I've lost a multitude of family, friends and pets over the years and I am more likely to celebrate the memories of the joy and good things than I am to shed a tear. Now the one exception was when grandma passed in 2010. I still miss her so much, she was more of a mom to me than my mother ever has been or ever will be. It still hurts. (It does not help that I live in my childhood home where grandma and grandpa raised me.)
So many memories.

Also, as much of an a$$hole as 2016 has been I lost a dear friend this year and for some reason, cried like a baby. I have never done that before at the loss of life. I was a basket case at work that day. Took me a couple weeks to get out of that funk. Not sure if it was the unexpected nature of his departure or what but it hammered me. So I guess as we go through life, grief can take a number of forms, for us and those around us. Always good to just understand it's a very personal thing and accept it as it comes.
:(
 
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