techsavvy01
Well-Known Member
How does one keep conversations going? All my life I have struggled with self confidence 
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Self Confidence
- Thread starter techsavvy01
- Start date
M
Member243850
Guest
Don't worry buddy I dig you!
I think you are a really nice person and you should believe in yourself!
Who knows man maybe you will become the next Nikola Tesla? :--)
You appear really smart to me definitely not a bad person by any means!
I see a great soul - just keep pushing!!
YOU MUST OVER COME BUDDY YOU GOT SOUL!!!!
I think you are a really nice person and you should believe in yourself!
Who knows man maybe you will become the next Nikola Tesla? :--)
You appear really smart to me definitely not a bad person by any means!
I see a great soul - just keep pushing!!
YOU MUST OVER COME BUDDY YOU GOT SOUL!!!!
i guess... to start.. pick a topic you have interest in.
or... one they are interested in..
ask lots of open ended questions... listen...
ask more questions on what you hear.
it is NOT about ... you talking and talking...
make it a 2 way dialog.
if it dont come naturally from both parties... then you are beating a dead horse.
next topic.. or next person
or... one they are interested in..
ask lots of open ended questions... listen...
ask more questions on what you hear.
it is NOT about ... you talking and talking...
make it a 2 way dialog.
if it dont come naturally from both parties... then you are beating a dead horse.
next topic.. or next person
D
Deleted User
Guest
How does one keep conversations going? All my life I have struggled with self confidence
This is something I've struggled with for many years my friend. Only now at my mid life stage am I starting to loosen up with people.
Are you self conscious? That will not help, and has certainly been a massive inhibitor to me.
As to the art of conversation, for many years I couldn't do it. Dan said, it's easier to converse about shared interests. I still have trouble with banter, but get me talking about Star Trek or music and I have a lot to say.
And it's crucial to find the right people. Not everyone clicks, and if you have social anxiety this becomes even tougher to find people you can be comfortable with.
Zigman66
Android Enthusiast
To be honest, just find conversations about things you have a deal of knowledge about or are passionate about and jump in. Or find something you are knowledgeable about yet may have missing areas of data and ask someone a level up about it. This can turn into a discussion centered around ideas and thoughts surrounding topic, which in turn usually leads to other topics if the conversation goes well enough.
I don't mean to make it sound like I think it is as easy as pie. I used to be quite the introvert so I made myself start talking to people I thought would be interesting to me without regard as to whether or not I thought they may find ME interesting. The reason for that is because if I worry too much about them possibly not finding me interesting as well I would never be able to start a conversation at all. It is one of the few times I would say it is ok to be mildly narcissistic for a little bit.
Another thing that helps is to find people you think are crazier than you. It will make YOU look better and will likely always give you something to laugh, or at least grin, about.
My wife is batty as a loon.... that's why I love her to death!
I don't mean to make it sound like I think it is as easy as pie. I used to be quite the introvert so I made myself start talking to people I thought would be interesting to me without regard as to whether or not I thought they may find ME interesting. The reason for that is because if I worry too much about them possibly not finding me interesting as well I would never be able to start a conversation at all. It is one of the few times I would say it is ok to be mildly narcissistic for a little bit.
Another thing that helps is to find people you think are crazier than you. It will make YOU look better and will likely always give you something to laugh, or at least grin, about.
My wife is batty as a loon.... that's why I love her to death!
D
Deleted User
Guest
Up until quite recently I would have had to disagree with that statement, because for so many years I've had social problems and been very introverted. But over the past few weeks, after starting a new job which, let's just say, is taking a while to get off the ground, I've had nothing to do but talk to people.
And you know what, I'm finding it easier to do! That's the funny thing, the main skill I'm learning is not technical (I do a highly technical job), it's social. So I think that these skills can be learned, and become easier. All you need to do is practice more. But the awful thing about social anxiety is that it prevents you doing that, so if you believe that you're rubbish at conversation, and feel socially awkward, you won't improve.
One tip I will pass on here, is to try and remember what people tell you they are going to do. Then later, ask them about it. Not only will they appreciate you taking an interest, it opens up a conversation point. Particularly good if it triggers off something you can say which is related. Someone might say they're going to see a film at the weekend. On Monday, ask them what they thought. Offer your own opinion if you've seen it. I now literally write notes about what people have told me, so I don't forget.
This may seem odd to someone who can naturally socialise, but I have to actually remind myself to do these things. It doesn't automatically occur to me.
I've never been the chatty person in the group but I'm a darn good listener. I pay attention and I say the right things at the right time. It's a gift to be a good listener. I've never been charged up with BS but I can certainly listen to plenty of it and make people feel good that I'm there to listen. Not everyone has the gift to carry the conversation. I found that I do not have that quality. If you struggle at it as well... work on being the listener. The chatty people love a good listener.
One other bit of advice is to never expect to be perfect -- accept that you will say embarrassing things. I put my foot in my mouth so often I've got athletes tongue. 
But, no matter how intelligent or eloquent you are, there will be people who won't want to talk to you.
Don't talk to impress, talk to express.
Dan always cracks me up. Even when he's not trying to
But, no matter how intelligent or eloquent you are, there will be people who won't want to talk to you.Don't talk to impress, talk to express.
Dan always cracks me up. Even when he's not trying to
D
Deleted User
Guest
And one of the autistic traits of social anxiety is to be too analytical and overthink things. I still replay embarrassing situations in my mind from 20+ years ago
But yes, let's try to accept that however intelligent you are, at some point you're going to say something embarrassing.
Very true. Again, a skill that comes so easily to most. I'm willing to bet that the OP couldn't tell a joke in front of a group of people, without feeling very self-conscious.
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
Think of the dialouge first off then start to talk about that matter, its one of those tricks my ex love taught me
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
It is like looking at your phone's reflection, what do you really see is what others, can see you in the mirrors own reflection, no matter what though, it does bounce all the way back and yet again, you will gain that key moment of speaking freely.