Tell me a joke...

[The_Chief]

A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S. and couldn't find a job at a hospital. So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”

 

[olbriar]

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.” The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “it's for you to decide how many inches you want, but it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.” The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And has she helped you in making the decision?” asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man. “And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're getting a new kitchen.”