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Tell me a joke...

A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S. and couldn't find a job at a hospital. So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”
 
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.” The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “it's for you to decide how many inches you want, but it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.” The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And has she helped you in making the decision?” asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man. “And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're getting a new kitchen.”
 
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NSFW...

I had a bad rash on my testicles and had to see a dermatologist. She was a woman, late 30s, very professional and very cute. She was holding my nuts, moving them back and forth and inspecting them closely. Then she looked up at me and told me I really needed to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she replied, "because I'm trying to do an examination here."
 
https://twitter.com/x/status/2016311763252478095
I like to give credit when I find crap on X, but it makes you click over to there to see the whole post, so here it is.
A US Air Force B-52 is being escorted by a flight of F-16s...One of the F-16 pilots is a showoff, and says to the B-52 pilot, "bet you can't do this," as he puts his plane into a snap roll.

The B-52 pilot says, "Nope, can't do that."

The F-16 pilot then says, "bet you can't do this" as he does an inside loop.

The bomber pilot replies, "Nope, sure can't."

The F-16 pilot is feeling pretty cocky when the Bomber pilot says over the radio, "Bet you can't do this."

After several minutes, nothing has happened. The B-52 is still flying straight and level. "Well?" The F-16 pilot asks.

The B-52 pilot replies, "I just went to the can, took a leak, got a cup of coffee, then shut off 2 engines."
 
Before he died, Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver .

"You know," he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?" The driver said, "No problem. Be my guest!"

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?" The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that." The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president." The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?" The young trooper said...

"I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"
 
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