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Tell me a joke...

And a lawyer joke:

A lawyer wakes up in a hospital room after cardiac surgery.
All the blinds are drawn.
He asks the nurse, "What's going on? Why are the blinds drawn?"

She replies, "Well, the building across the street is on fire, and we didn't want you to think the surgery was a failure!"
 
NavyBiscuits.jpg
 
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels it off and starts screaming,"I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"

She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...“Win a Bagel”
 
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be 8 again", she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Puffs, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie with popcorn, soda, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted and feeling sick.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 8 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you f@*#* moron!!"

The moral of the story: even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
 
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