charlielebbern
Lurker
Tell me your best story.
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Best way to get fired?
- Thread starter charlielebbern
- Start date
Theoretical: Date the boss' daughter in a revolting manner
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
Well set up an atomic weight mesurable pressure weight chamber, if nill is equal to plus, then plus has to equal nil right? 
i used to work at Borders as an assistant manager and i caught one of my shelvers going into the cafe before we opened and shove some muffins and cookies down his sweatpants!!!!!!!!!!!
That's just wrong on multiple levels.
right?????
he even had his girlfriend call me begging for his job back saying he was suicidal after losing his job......it was just sad. plus he was an older gentleman as well....i'm guessing at the probably around 60 yrs old.
jhtalisman
Android Enthusiast
Well, for one would be walking around naked.........but I digress. The only jobs I have been fired from were from failed substance tests, i.e. marijuana...........no longer an issue 17 years later.
I guess I was fired from the USAF but that's not really a job.
I've never been fired.
Good topic.
I look forward to relevant replies.
I've never been fired.
Good topic.
I look forward to relevant replies.
I was never fired but I had to let a few young workers go through the years. Canned for not wanting to work mostly. I can't really blame them. My occupation is not that attractive, especially at the entry level.
Unless you were employed by nudist colony.
Failing a substance test where I live, even marijuana, will get you a substantial jail sentence.
I've never been fired, but I'd say that the "best" way is definitely to go public on major misbehaviour by your employer. Make your termination count for something.
Maybe not how to get fired, but best way to quit:
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
I honestly never got fired from my side occupation, or band either, they all just left the band mates. My side occupation, sure everyone just complains, but I never speak up.
And where I live, I can order online and have marijuana delivered right to my door!
THAT'S IT>>>>>>YOU ARE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And where I live, I can order online and have marijuana delivered right to my door!
Slap your boss for no reason. That should do it. 
If I was going to buy some, I'll bet it would look just like this (note its vegan status):
I would, but until I know you're not a drive-by poster, I'll hold it.
Either that or...you might discover a whole other side of your boss s/he had been hiding.Slap your boss for no reason. That should do it.
If you play your cards right, you could end up with a raise.
OT' Just "Hes" lately. The last "She's" big boss was way more than bigger than me. I have problems with tall Women. Some of my previous immediate supervisors though...
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
My managers are the same height as I am.
I will not have the trouble either, just as long as I really do not speak outloud.
joe71
Android Expert
So years ago I had a casino job and at the time the casino was going through this whole political correctness, diversity touchy feely phase, let's walk on eggshells.
I forget what happened but I had a falling out with my departure and ended up in a meeting with a human resources manager.
The meeting started with me explaining my side as best as I could because I technically hadn't done anything to offend or violated any rules.
So the HR lady opens this file and goes okay we have a track record of insubordination, she mentioned a date explain to me the issue or offense and goes you see your behavior has been a concern for a while. The date she mentioned was a year or two prior maybe three. So she rambles on about the incident and after ten minutes
I say you know it's against the laws of physics that incident happened
The lady gets a serious deer in the headlights look.
I continue on the date that happen I was in another state
HR lady jaw hit the floor
So the HR lady recover and started giving more examples which I shot down for various reasons
Through out the two hour meeting as she bringing up various examples she keeps saying "now mind you none of these have anything to do with the current situation"
A minute later "you can see by the examples I have given you have a record of insubordination and attendance issues, your very lucky to still be employed"
Me: nearly every incident you have mentioned happened on my time off, vacation time or I had no involvement in. If I were you I would start walking softly because I am starting to see you , me and the casino in civil court over a defamation of character law suit.
HR lady: okay again none of the incident mentioned have any thing to do with the current situation
Me: then why are you bringing them up?
HR lady: to show a pattern of undesirable behavior, do you understand?
Me: oh yes I sure do
HR lady: wait, you do?
Me: I think you and I both understand your freaking idiot
Freaking was not the word I use but since this is kind of a family friendly site.
Needless to say a week later I got a call from the top boss of our division and the person ask did you really call the human resources team member relationship manager an idiot
Guilty as charged
The director fell out laughing.
I forget what happened but I had a falling out with my departure and ended up in a meeting with a human resources manager.
The meeting started with me explaining my side as best as I could because I technically hadn't done anything to offend or violated any rules.
So the HR lady opens this file and goes okay we have a track record of insubordination, she mentioned a date explain to me the issue or offense and goes you see your behavior has been a concern for a while. The date she mentioned was a year or two prior maybe three. So she rambles on about the incident and after ten minutes
I say you know it's against the laws of physics that incident happened
The lady gets a serious deer in the headlights look.
I continue on the date that happen I was in another state
HR lady jaw hit the floor
So the HR lady recover and started giving more examples which I shot down for various reasons
Through out the two hour meeting as she bringing up various examples she keeps saying "now mind you none of these have anything to do with the current situation"
A minute later "you can see by the examples I have given you have a record of insubordination and attendance issues, your very lucky to still be employed"
Me: nearly every incident you have mentioned happened on my time off, vacation time or I had no involvement in. If I were you I would start walking softly because I am starting to see you , me and the casino in civil court over a defamation of character law suit.
HR lady: okay again none of the incident mentioned have any thing to do with the current situation
Me: then why are you bringing them up?
HR lady: to show a pattern of undesirable behavior, do you understand?
Me: oh yes I sure do
HR lady: wait, you do?
Me: I think you and I both understand your freaking idiot
Freaking was not the word I use but since this is kind of a family friendly site
.Needless to say a week later I got a call from the top boss of our division and the person ask did you really call the human resources team member relationship manager an idiot
Guilty as charged
The director fell out laughing.
Milo Willamson
Android Expert
Congradulations you win !So years ago I had a casino job and at the time the casino was going through this whole political correctness, diversity touchy feely phase, let's walk on eggshells.
I forget what happened but I had a falling out with my departure and ended up in a meeting with a human resources manager.
The meeting started with me explaining my side as best as I could because I technically hadn't done anything to offend or violated any rules.
So the HR lady opens this file and goes okay we have a track record of insubordination, she mentioned a date explain to me the issue or offense and goes you see your behavior has been a concern for a while. The date she mentioned was a year or two prior maybe three. So she rambles on about the incident and after ten minutes
I say you know it's against the laws of physics that incident happened
The lady gets a serious deer in the headlights look.
I continue on the date that happen I was in another state
HR lady jaw hit the floor
So the HR lady recover and started giving more examples which I shot down for various reasons
Through out the two hour meeting as she bringing up various examples she keeps saying "now mind you none of these have anything to do with the current situation"
A minute later "you can see by the examples I have given you have a record of insubordination and attendance issues, your very lucky to still be employed"
Me: nearly every incident you have mentioned happened on my time off, vacation time or I had no involvement in. If I were you I would start walking softly because I am starting to see you , me and the casino in civil court over a defamation of character law suit.
HR lady: okay again none of the incident mentioned have any thing to do with the current situation
Me: then why are you bringing them up?
HR lady: to show a pattern of undesirable behavior, do you understand?
Me: oh yes I sure do
HR lady: wait, you do?
Me: I think you and I both understand your freaking idiot
Freaking was not the word I use but since this is kind of a family friendly site
Needless to say a week later I got a call from the top boss of our division and the person ask did you really call the human resources team member relationship manager an idiot
Guilty as charged
The director fell out laughing.
Our first casino opened last year. You can see it from the 20th floor of Massachusetts General Hospital. If you don't work there try beating down a Nurse.
Definitely local headlines. Your boss will be not amused.
Definitely local headlines. Your boss will be not amused.