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Chuck Norris
- Thread starter Roxors
- Start date
skater95
Android Enthusiast
Chuck Norris knows Victorias Secret
There's no such thing as lesbians just women who haven't met Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong had a "Who had more testicles contest" Chuck Norris won by 5
Some guy claimed he slept with 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this a "Slow Tuesday"
There's no such thing as lesbians just women who haven't met Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong had a "Who had more testicles contest" Chuck Norris won by 5
Some guy claimed he slept with 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this a "Slow Tuesday"
OfTheDamned
The Friendly Undead
Chuck Norris pissed in a can and sold it as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win at connect four in only 3 moves.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris could do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris was an only child..eventually.
When you say "No one's perfect" Chuck Norris takes that as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris has never won an Acadamy Award for acting, because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris sells his beard trimmings to the local police department to be used as bullet-proof vest.
There's an order to the universe:Space, Time, Chuck Norris..Just Kidding Chuck Norris is first.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
M&M's do melt in Chuck Norris' hand.
Chuck Norris always has Black jack, even when he plays poker,
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented Black, actually, he invented every color on the spectrum, except pink, Tom Cruise created pink.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
Chuck Norris doesn't own a stove, microwave, or an oven, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
If Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicks you, you die, if he misses ...ha ha he never misses never mind.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Folgers says, "the best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup!", but really the best part of waking up is knowing that you weren't killed by Chuck Norris in your sleep.
Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "B*tch, your in my seat."
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win at connect four in only 3 moves.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris could do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris was an only child..eventually.
When you say "No one's perfect" Chuck Norris takes that as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris has never won an Acadamy Award for acting, because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris sells his beard trimmings to the local police department to be used as bullet-proof vest.
There's an order to the universe:Space, Time, Chuck Norris..Just Kidding Chuck Norris is first.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
M&M's do melt in Chuck Norris' hand.
Chuck Norris always has Black jack, even when he plays poker,
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented Black, actually, he invented every color on the spectrum, except pink, Tom Cruise created pink.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
Chuck Norris doesn't own a stove, microwave, or an oven, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
If Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicks you, you die, if he misses ...ha ha he never misses never mind.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Folgers says, "the best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup!", but really the best part of waking up is knowing that you weren't killed by Chuck Norris in your sleep.
Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "B*tch, your in my seat."
^^ROFLMFAO Great finds OTD!!!!!!
Roxors
Android Enthusiast
eipc
Roxors
Android Enthusiast
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
Chuck Norris can nail jello to a tree.
Chuck Norris can skip 2 iphone pages in one swipe.
Cocaine is Chuck Norris' dandruff.
If you tell any bank in the world that Chuck Norris is your uncle, they will give you free money.
Not many people know that "I think therefore i am" is incomplete. The full sentence is "I think therefore i am afraid of Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
You can't win a starring Contest with Chuck Norris because when you look into his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
All men (and women) are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
Mr. Miyagi is the ONLY one Chuck Norris calls Mr.
Chuck Norris puts the I in team.
In a attempt to end WWII, President Harry S. Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered. At the time he was code named the "Atomic Bomb"
Chuck Norris is and always the true winner of "The Game"
Chuck Norris can nail jello to a tree.
Chuck Norris can skip 2 iphone pages in one swipe.
Cocaine is Chuck Norris' dandruff.
If you tell any bank in the world that Chuck Norris is your uncle, they will give you free money.
Not many people know that "I think therefore i am" is incomplete. The full sentence is "I think therefore i am afraid of Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
You can't win a starring Contest with Chuck Norris because when you look into his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
All men (and women) are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
Mr. Miyagi is the ONLY one Chuck Norris calls Mr.
Chuck Norris puts the I in team.
In a attempt to end WWII, President Harry S. Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered. At the time he was code named the "Atomic Bomb"
Chuck Norris is and always the true winner of "The Game"
Another great find!!
CrazyTechnoBoy
Android Enthusiast
Chuck Norris once went to hell and touched the devil. he is now known as God!
xzillerationer
Well-Known Member
He ate his own weight in coal,and excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but
you still would love him anyway
He won the Tour de France with
two flat tires and a missin' chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry,
He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you right before you died
Everyday he'd make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene
A ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya
He figured out cold
fusion, but he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star
Cause you can spit in the wind, and tug on Superman's cape
Yeah, I'm talking about Chuck Norris
(Semi from the Weird Al song "CNR". I thought that the lyrics fit Chuck Norris perfectly)
He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but
you still would love him anyway
He won the Tour de France with
two flat tires and a missin' chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry,
He could rip out your beating heart, and show it to you right before you died
Everyday he'd make the host of Match Game give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene
A ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya
He figured out cold
fusion, but he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel if you didn't treat him like a star
Cause you can spit in the wind, and tug on Superman's cape
Yeah, I'm talking about Chuck Norris
(Semi from the Weird Al song "CNR". I thought that the lyrics fit Chuck Norris perfectly)
Yoboebirdo
Newbie
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kills you.
xzillerationer
Well-Known Member
Chuck Norris once ran iOS on a Droid. Too bad he roundhouse kicked it, and it became a Droid 2 running Android 2.2
Roxors
Android Enthusiast
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist
- Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a light saber, and break it in two.
- Chuck Norris has the high score on my local Pac Man machine, even tho he's never been close to my home town, and hates Pac Man
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.