Thanks for the PM, @Dngrsone, and for updating things here. We were worried about you. 
Depression and I are REALLY good friends. Enemies. Whatever! Anyway, it sounds like you're dealing with a long-term case of it, too, so you're probably very well-versed in this already, but here goes: if you feel like you're losing control/hope/happiness/meaning/etc., please get in touch with the appropriate healthcare provider. For me, after decades of talk therapy plus meds, my depression has mostly been very well-controlled for 10+ years with just meds. If you're already taking antidepressants, and if your current level of depression doesn't improve soon, it could be time to switch things up a bit, either with a higher dose, a different type, a new combo, etc. And if you're not on meds, this might be the time to start--again, if things don't start looking up soon. If this drags on, please, please get some help.

Depression and I are REALLY good friends. Enemies. Whatever! Anyway, it sounds like you're dealing with a long-term case of it, too, so you're probably very well-versed in this already, but here goes: if you feel like you're losing control/hope/happiness/meaning/etc., please get in touch with the appropriate healthcare provider. For me, after decades of talk therapy plus meds, my depression has mostly been very well-controlled for 10+ years with just meds. If you're already taking antidepressants, and if your current level of depression doesn't improve soon, it could be time to switch things up a bit, either with a higher dose, a different type, a new combo, etc. And if you're not on meds, this might be the time to start--again, if things don't start looking up soon. If this drags on, please, please get some help.