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Helicoptering this high up?
- Thread starter zuben el genub
- Start date
And I thought this thread was about the perils of aviation. 
TBH I'd never heard the term "helicopter" used for the way parents bring up their kids.
TBH I'd never heard the term "helicopter" used for the way parents bring up their kids.
zuben el genub
Extreme Android User
Everyone is supposed to be their BFF and take care of them and their feelings. With that attitude, they will be prey for every Tom, Dick, and Harry from bullying to murder.
They will also have nervous breakdowns the minute that they are told they are not so great.
With all this social nonsense, no wonder primary education is going downhill. No recess in some schools, someone might get hurt either by a kickball or losing.
They will also have nervous breakdowns the minute that they are told they are not so great.
With all this social nonsense, no wonder primary education is going downhill. No recess in some schools, someone might get hurt either by a kickball or losing.
I've been thinking about this and I have come to this conclusion ... in the words of Sheldon Cooper, it's all hokum.
the following is tl;dr
the following is tl;dr
It's a classic case of correlation without causation. Take a few extreme anecdotal cases of a social phenomenon that's always been around, attach a clever name to it and throw it out to the media on a slow news days and hope you can get a bunch of people to sit there bobbing their heads in agreement without thinking it through.
"Back in the day" (Yes, I know ... uphill in 2 feet of snow, both ways
) we had overprotective parents, too. We called those kids "mamma's boys" or worse. The girls were little princesses or "daddy's little girl". They were spoiled or brattish and totally incapable of dealing with difficult situations and decision making. You can even go back to the Ancient world ... just look at Caligula and Aggripina or Claudius and Antonia.
The question then becomes is it more pervasive now than before. I don't think so. As a parent, I watched my son's friends grow up through high school and college and sure there are a few who fit the profile. I can think of two in particular where one boy is now 25 and still under the "guidance" of mom (who's a whackjob, if you ask me) and one girl who's mother wanted to be her BFF4EVR. She cut the apron strings herself. (There's another phrase from long ago speaking to the same thing, right?) But, the majority of them have become independent adults, dealing with the same kinds of things young adults have always had to deal with.
I could use the same logic to advocate indifference or animosity to your children citing examples of one of my son's friends and my best friend. One of my son's good childhood friends had parents who basically ignored him and left him to his own devices. As a youth he was unruly and had a good many problems, but he grew up, joined the military, married and has a family. My best friend had an abusive father and a mentally ill mother who is now a respected business owner with a daughter in college.
Of course, concluding that you should neglect or abuse your kids to bring them up right is an equally ridiculous proposition to the idea that "helicoptering" parents are ruining today's youth. But, with the right amount of statistics, eloquence and sophism, you can get people to believe anything.
"Back in the day" (Yes, I know ... uphill in 2 feet of snow, both ways
) we had overprotective parents, too. We called those kids "mamma's boys" or worse. The girls were little princesses or "daddy's little girl". They were spoiled or brattish and totally incapable of dealing with difficult situations and decision making. You can even go back to the Ancient world ... just look at Caligula and Aggripina or Claudius and Antonia.The question then becomes is it more pervasive now than before. I don't think so. As a parent, I watched my son's friends grow up through high school and college and sure there are a few who fit the profile. I can think of two in particular where one boy is now 25 and still under the "guidance" of mom (who's a whackjob, if you ask me) and one girl who's mother wanted to be her BFF4EVR. She cut the apron strings herself. (There's another phrase from long ago speaking to the same thing, right?) But, the majority of them have become independent adults, dealing with the same kinds of things young adults have always had to deal with.
I could use the same logic to advocate indifference or animosity to your children citing examples of one of my son's friends and my best friend. One of my son's good childhood friends had parents who basically ignored him and left him to his own devices. As a youth he was unruly and had a good many problems, but he grew up, joined the military, married and has a family. My best friend had an abusive father and a mentally ill mother who is now a respected business owner with a daughter in college.
Of course, concluding that you should neglect or abuse your kids to bring them up right is an equally ridiculous proposition to the idea that "helicoptering" parents are ruining today's youth. But, with the right amount of statistics, eloquence and sophism, you can get people to believe anything.
bjacks12
Android Expert
I don't think it's hokum. There is no 100% causation either way, because children are different and handle it differently.
However, I would say that parents taking such a heavy involvement in their children's lives is unhealthy. I work as an accounting tutor in the tutoring center at my University. I see one example of a young man(maybe 18-19 years old) who comes in fairly regularly. He does not appear to be very socially adept at all. He is accompanied every time, without fail, by his mother. While he and a tutor(can't remember the subject, maybe biology) go into a tutoring room, she sits in the lobby just outside and waits for him. I would be embarrassed as hell.
We got a new roommate back in May. He's 19 years old, and this is his first time moving out of his parents' house. When our landlord was showing the place, he was not present. No, his parents came instead to check it out. They asked all sorts of overprotective questions. They talked about how great the location was because their business was just a few blocks away, so they could come by in a moment's notice if there were any problems. They asked about transportation because he never learned to drive. Then they were concerned when they found out we don't do community food in the house(angry, actually). Even though I had not met the kid yet, I had a very strong idea of what he was going to be like. And every preconceived notion I had proved to be true when I did meet him. He is absolutely functionally challenged as a result of pampering. It's so damn annoying for the rest of us when he tries to rely on us to make his self-caused problems go away.
However, I would say that parents taking such a heavy involvement in their children's lives is unhealthy. I work as an accounting tutor in the tutoring center at my University. I see one example of a young man(maybe 18-19 years old) who comes in fairly regularly. He does not appear to be very socially adept at all. He is accompanied every time, without fail, by his mother. While he and a tutor(can't remember the subject, maybe biology) go into a tutoring room, she sits in the lobby just outside and waits for him. I would be embarrassed as hell.
We got a new roommate back in May. He's 19 years old, and this is his first time moving out of his parents' house. When our landlord was showing the place, he was not present. No, his parents came instead to check it out. They asked all sorts of overprotective questions. They talked about how great the location was because their business was just a few blocks away, so they could come by in a moment's notice if there were any problems. They asked about transportation because he never learned to drive. Then they were concerned when they found out we don't do community food in the house(angry, actually). Even though I had not met the kid yet, I had a very strong idea of what he was going to be like. And every preconceived notion I had proved to be true when I did meet him. He is absolutely functionally challenged as a result of pampering. It's so damn annoying for the rest of us when he tries to rely on us to make his self-caused problems go away.
zuben el genub
Extreme Android User
Either what you said or they live vicariously through the child's life. I've seen it.
My kid skated and danced. I watched parents push and mistreat the child if the child did not do well in a competition. No glory for them. I'd praise my kid just for getting on the ice and doing a program. Never cared where she finished.
I did my own skating and dancing rather than live through her accomplishments.
Couldn't wait for her to get her driver's license. She had to run errands for me as a price for using the truck. She could drop off what I asked her to get, and have the truck for the rest of the afternoon or evening so it was a fair exchange.
My kid skated and danced. I watched parents push and mistreat the child if the child did not do well in a competition. No glory for them. I'd praise my kid just for getting on the ice and doing a program. Never cared where she finished.
I did my own skating and dancing rather than live through her accomplishments.
Couldn't wait for her to get her driver's license. She had to run errands for me as a price for using the truck. She could drop off what I asked her to get, and have the truck for the rest of the afternoon or evening so it was a fair exchange.
I love my daughter more than life itself. I'd do anything for her. Except coddle and spoil her. She grew up understanding the concept of personal responsibility, having a strong work ethic, owning up to your own errors, apologizing when necessary, paying your own way through life, etc. I CANNOT grasp this new breed of parent and child where the ADULT children are basically unable to function on their own, AND they think they're entitled to...everything. 
Gmash
Extreme Android User
When I was a kid, if you got in trouble at school, you were in even more trouble when you got home. No excuses, no "the teacher just doesn't like me" crap. Now when kids get in trouble, the parents come to the school and blame and threaten the teachers. No accountability for actions is taught anymore. (obviously this doesn't apply across the board, but I do think it is a growing problem.)