"One Liners" thread

[IamWhoIam]

It is what it is.

 

[EarlyMon]

^^ Ah - so, you're a professional comedian eh?

 

[crutchcorn]

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.

 

[Curtis1973]

"One woman I was dating called and said,'Come on over,there's nobody home!' .. I went over,nobody was home." - Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya I get no respect!

 

[olbriar]

He who laughs last is usually a bit slow on the uptake.

 

[shmn]

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

― Albert Einstein

 

[EarlyMon]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - of more absence.

 

[psionandy]

Absinthe makes the mind go wander...

 

[sntaylor]

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.



I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.


Both stolen from Tim vine

 

[EarlyMon]

I got a dog from a blacksmith - first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.

 

[Clementine_3]

Two fleas retired and bought a dog.

 

[lunatic59]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "so why the long face?"

 

[EarlyMon]

Two men walk into a bar, one ducks.

Duck tried to order a round for everyone and put it on his bill.

 

[Skynet11]

http://memegenerator.net/instance/32994441

 

[Doit2it]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

 

[teddyearp]

Ah'm yer huckleberry . . . . .

 

[alostpacket]

Confucius say: man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers.

 

[olbriar]

Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

 

[Podivin]

Counting to 10 only makes it premeditated.

 

[sntaylor]

But punching after 4 makes it more unexpected ;-)

 

[EarlyMon]

If you think that violence isn't the answer, you're not using enough of it.

 

[Podivin]

I long for a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.

 

[bjacks12]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you..

 

[DealerMan]

When in doubt,....

hehehehehe

 

[bjacks12]

A baby seal walks into a club...