Social anxiety discussion

[shalemail]

I guess I kinda semi fall into the Robin Williams category. I've been socially awkward and uncomfortable as far back as I can remember, but in jr. high adopted a "public persona" that is kinda class clown, boisterous, obnoxious, outgoing. I hide behind that in public, not at all who I am with my wife at home with close friends, family etc. But in the world I am this other dude, allows me to hide in plain sight.

Or maybe I just have split personality disorder, something anyway.

 

[dan330]

shalemail... your avatar... why does Superman need to wear warm clothes??

 

[shalemail]

shalemail... your avatar... why does Superman need to wear warm clothes??

He doesn't, it's just a nod to Santa. Ya know he doesn't want to confuse the kids, too much.

 

[Kaizuroge]

I've always had this wall built around me even way back in grade school. Always the quiet one at the back of the class. Reading a book while everyone was talking to to each other.

I did good at school, always in the top 5 of the class until I was in the 4th grade. I got a GPA of 85% enough to get me into the top 3 of the class but due to 1 grade having a 79% I was disqualified from being in the ranking system. It was a rule in the school I was in that if you get a line of 7 grade you don't qualify for any honors.
After that I started to become more withdrawn skipped classes altogether and but never did stop learning I just found it completely useless to interact with my peers simply because I couldn't relate to them anymore as the things I was learning I couldn't talk to then about.

By the time I went to high school I changed schools and because I was tall and athletic I was recruited to join the basketball team of the school. I played but never really made friends. Even though teams sports were designed for that. I just found it awkward to talk to them outside of practice and games.
It was the same in college I never really got friends and just went to classes and finished my degree without making any long lasting friendships with anyone.

Even now working I work at home. As I work better without the interactions with other people. I hardly go out of my house, only to do groceries and the occasional shopping for necessities. And even talking to salespeople is hard for me.

My family is no help as they always did the "get over it" mantra. So I just make every excuse possible to not attend family gatherings.

People often think that being socially awkward is just a phase. It's not and it is clearly something that makes life for a person suffering from it hard. Even doing a simple task as talking to a salesman in my experience is a battle with myself.

I found out the internet is where I can be able to talk to someone without that fear.

I can actually relate to Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory.

 

[AZgl1500]

I've always had this wall built around me even way back in grade school. Always the quiet one at the back of the class. Reading a book while everyone was talking to to each other.
.

oh, can I ever relate to that.

Born totally deaf...... did not have an operation to help with that until I was 8 years old.
My hearing did not really develop for another 3 or more years.

I had to lip read to know what was being said.
Children are such asses, they poke fun at anyone who is "not normal"....

I just ignored them all, and developed one hell of a right uppercut.

 

[Deleted User]

I've always had this wall built around me even way back in grade school. Always the quiet one at the back of the class. Reading a book while everyone was talking to to each other.

I did good at school, always in the top 5 of the class until I was in the 4th grade. I got a GPA of 85% enough to get me into the top 3 of the class but due to 1 grade having a 79% I was disqualified from being in the ranking system. It was a rule in the school I was in that if you get a line of 7 grade you don't qualify for any honors.
After that I started to become more withdrawn skipped classes altogether and but never did stop learning I just found it completely useless to interact with my peers simply because I couldn't relate to them anymore as the things I was learning I couldn't talk to then about.

By the time I went to high school I changed schools and because I was tall and athletic I was recruited to join the basketball team of the school. I played but never really made friends. Even though teams sports were designed for that. I just found it awkward to talk to them outside of practice and games.
It was the same in college I never really got friends and just went to classes and finished my degree without making any long lasting friendships with anyone.

Even now working I work at home. As I work better without the interactions with other people. I hardly go out of my house, only to do groceries and the occasional shopping for necessities. And even talking to salespeople is hard for me.

My family is no help as they always did the "get over it" mantra. So I just make every excuse possible to not attend family gatherings.

People often think that being socially awkward is just a phase. It's not and it is clearly something that makes life for a person suffering from it hard. Even doing a simple task as talking to a salesman in my experience is a battle with myself.

I found out the internet is where I can be able to talk to someone without that fear.

I can actually relate to Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory.

That's a sad story, and all I can say is, social interactions do become slightly easier over time, with experience. You ideally need to find people who understand how you think, and can show a bit more empathy. Being involved in a group activity, where you can share common interests and get talking to people can help.
That's of course assuming you do want to become more social?

 

[Deleted User]

oh, can I ever relate to that.

Born totally deaf...... did not have an operation to help with that until I was 8 years old.
My hearing did not really develop for another 3 or more years.

I had to lip read to know what was being said.
Children are such asses, they poke fun at anyone who is "not normal"....

I just ignored them all, and developed one hell of a right uppercut.

You know I really think that regular school isn't the best place for a significant minority of kids to be educated. The damage caused, by others who don't even begin to comprehend the effect of their actions, can't be ignored.

I will never forgive one school for allowing my daughter to be subjected to systematic psychological torture (and that's not an overstatement). I won't use the term bullying, because what happened went way beyond that. A collective organised campaign of intimidation, for no other reason than spiteful jealous little bitches had poisoned the attitude of other kids in the class, and they saw it as a bit of a game. How on earth this was allowed to happen in a so-called 'outstanding' school beggars belief!

And that is when I completely lost faith in our state educational system, and realised that we have not progressed at all from my time at school, in terms of looking out for students' mental well-being.

 

[Kaizuroge]

That's a sad story, and all I can say is, social interactions do become slightly easier over time, with experience. You ideally need to find people who understand how you think, and can show a bit more empathy. Being involved in a group activity, where you can share common interests and get talking to people can help.
That's of course assuming you do want to become more social?

I am able to socialize online especially in gaming. Truth be told the ones I consider my closest friends are 2 people I played online games with we've been friends online for over 6yrs now. We have never met in real life but we're always talking online.

 

[lunatic59]

How on earth this was allowed to happen in a so-called 'outstanding' school beggars belief!

In the name of ... something ... many schools have their hands tied by what they can and cannot do in terms of discipline, and most parents refuse to do anything at all. It's at home where most of these little monsters pick up their morals (or lack thereof) anyway, so if mom and dad are a$$clowns, you can't expect much more from the kids. That's not an excuse, but simply an observation. If you ask me, most schools are a daily reenactment of Lord of the Flies.

I was an outcast in school for the most part, but I was okay with that. In fact I did have two friends, one of which I still see after 40 years. The other ... too long of a story and not particularly related to the topic here.

Part of the problem with the bullying and intimidation during development is that it's too easy to look at that as the cause of a person's social anxiety, when in many cases the condition is pre-existing and they are targeted because of it. Even if the other kids are sympathetic angels, it won't fix someone who's pathologically shy.

I realized, that no matter how good I get at dealing with it, it never goes away. This past week i pulled up to the drive-thru window at the bank, as I have done at the same bank for 30 years and there was a new teller at the window. I immediately felt nervous that they would look at me and think I was doing something devious or would laugh at me for any reason (my hair was uncombed or my jacket collar was up on one side, or i had a crumb in my beard or I said something inadvertently amusing ). For the few minutes I was in line, I was completely uncomfortable in my own car doing something I have done every week at the same place.

At this point in my life, I accept that and doubt it can ever change. My biggest fear is to see signs of that in my children or grandchildren (because, of course, it will be my fault.)

 

[Deleted User]

In the name of ... something ... many schools have their hands tied by what they can and cannot do in terms of discipline, and most parents refuse to do anything at all. It's at home where most of these little monsters pick up their morals (or lack thereof) anyway, so if mom and dad are a$$clowns, you can't expect much more from the kids

It's so true. The attitudes often come from the parents, some of which have deeply disappointed me. In many ways, I'm glad my youngest is an average achiever, because there's no scope for resentment or bitter jealousy.

My biggest fear is to see signs of that in my children or grandchildren (because, of course, it will be my fault.)

And for many years I didn't want kids, because I feared they would have the same hard time that I went through. You can't help but blame yourself if they experience problems.

 

[lunatic59]

And for many years I didn't want kids, because I feared they would have the same hard time that I went through. You can't help but blame yourself if they experience problems.

Question. Do you blame your parents for what you experience?

I accept that at least part of my issues are inherited, and some are from growing up in the shadow of someone who suffered from mental illness. I must admit that at times I do resent the way my family handled it, but I can't specifically say that I blame anybody.

 

[Deleted User]

Question. Do you blame your parents for what you experience?

I accept that at least part of my issues are inherited, and some are from growing up in the shadow of someone who suffered from mental illness. I must admit that at times I do resent the way my family handled it, but I can't specifically say that I blame anybody.

I wouldn't use the word blame, because that implies someone did something wrong. But I do think my social characteristics are inherited from my Dad. My Mum on the other hand is the complete opposite. We always joked that she ends up telling her life story to someone, within minutes of meeting them, and has a natural ability to put people at ease, very quickly. Wish I'd got myself some of those genes

 

[Deleted User]

I think I'm a creature of habit, and I like my routine. New things usually unsettle me, and I can see this magnified in my Daughter, who is probably on the OCD side of things. For instance she'll arrange things on her desk in strictly ordered ways.
So one of the things I find challenging is meeting new people. Circulating around a bunch of strangers at a party is basically my version of hell, particularly if we're all sitting at a table - there's no escape!

 

[lunatic59]

Circulating around a bunch of strangers at a party is basically my version of hell, particularly if we're all sitting at a table - there's no escape!

I deal with this by either talking too much or not at all. In either case, I end up being the guy that doesn't get invited back. That's what my brain tells me. In truth, it's probably not so extreme.

 

[AZgl1500]

for some reason, I have developed the ability to just start up a conversation with anyone, and everyone.

Going from being born totally deaf, to be almost an extrovert, and wanting to socialize is quite a leap.

it has only taken me 73 years to learn how to do this

 

[Member243850]

I was at one point super social then i became a paranoid lunatic

everything all wrapped up into one xD

 

[lunatic59]

I was at one point super social then i became a paranoid lunatic

everything all wrapped up into one xD

AHEM!

There's only room for ONE of those here.

 

[The_Chief]

My Darling Bride & I both have Social Anxiety Disorder, she more so than I. I can hold my own in about any conversation, and don't mind being in social situations nearly as much as she does. She gets physically ill at the thought of being in a crowd. I don't like it, but I can handle it for short periods of time - however, I always have an escape plan in case I get antsy. We're definitely not the "see and be seen" types.

 

[shalemail]

I would (as would my beautiful bride) love to have a deserted island to live on. As long as I had food, water, power and a connection to the outside world (be it satellite or whatever) I'd happily live without direct human contact and only miss it for approximately 12 seconds a year.

 

[zuben el genub]

I can deal with it until someone gets nosy and personal. Then the you know what will hit the fan. I will admit to being terribly rude to the one that asks.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Darn. I seriously posted in the wrong thread.

I'm what you might call "Outgoing" in most social situations. I like meeting new people.
Especially when free intoxicants are involved. I'm what most people call a "friendly drunk."

I'll stop now. I honestly don't have the experience to post on this topic.

 

[lunatic59]

Darn. I seriously posted in the wrong thread.

I'm what you might call "Outgoing" in most social situations. I like meeting new people.
Especially when free intoxicants are involved. I'm what most people call a "friendly drunk."

I'll stop now. I honestly don't have the experience to post on this topic.

Not necessarily.

I think the idea here was to include and educate those who might not have a grasp on how debilitating the condition can be. Or, how ineffective or hurtful well-meaning comments can be.

Marie Antoinette didn't mean to be spiteful or callous when she suggested those without bread should eat cake instead. She was simply unaware of the truth of their reality. However, that didn't end well for Marie.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

I was serious about that debilitating affect on my friend. Really happened. Social anxiety can "literally" freeze people.

I wasn't trying to relate that marriage adjusted him but that there is hope for even extreme manifestations of the condition.

 

[Peter Kendrick]

This is a guy talking about someone he has a crush on:

"She works at a supermarket near me, I said hi one time and have since avoided using it because I'm not the best with repeated social interaction."

In such situation I think it would have been ok to start a funny interaction to reduce stress. Talking something funny and later on finding common interests is one of the good ways to start a conversation.

 

[lunatic59]

Peeing your pants is always an ice breaker.