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Something funny IMO

NightAngel79

NightAngel79

Mandalorian
Administrator
30 Things To Do In An Exam When You're Going To Fail It Anyways

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Nintedo DS. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "**** this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
 
For guys that need help with girls, Do this:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words '**** you, ' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!
 
eyebeam said:
If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. :D

Probably the funniest movie ever other then "This Is Spinal Tap".

Oh, and after you hit me for this post, please don't pick me up by my testicles. Thank you.
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Good one eyebeam! That my friend is a !$%!ing classic!!
 
yeah funny , flick
I dont know if there is a 'tube vid
butt another "ewwww..." funny scene is hotel room and "pillows"
 
Thanks to MrDangerous for providing this!!

Everyone,
The IT team felt that it would be good to provide you with this guide to help us do our jobs better:

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screensaver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When IT Support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

16. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

17. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

21. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer rubbish." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as rubbish.

23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

24. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.

25. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.

26. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

27. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

28. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

29. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing ?600,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.

30. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on.

31. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

32. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

33. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.....

Thanks, IT Support
 
ha ha ha I wonder how many guys will actually try those tips for girls.. I'm actually guilty of the last one. ha ha.. And let me tell you, my wife did not think it was very funny..



Sent from my Droid without using Tapatalk
 
G.Armour said:
...let me tell you, my wife did not think it was very funny..
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That's because sexist, abusive "jokes," which have hurting women because they're women as the punch line, do not seem funny to most women and to some men who understand that propagating those sentiments can cause more harm, no matter how fun-loving a time is being had telling those types of jokes.
 
Frisco said:
That's because sexist, abusive "jokes," which have hurting women because they're women as the punch line, do not seem funny to most women and to some men who understand that propagating those sentiments can cause more harm, no matter how fun-loving a time is being had telling those types of jokes.
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Bloody hell you sound like my wife....lol :D
 
Frisco said:
That's because sexist, abusive "jokes," which have hurting women because they're women as the punch line, do not seem funny to most women and to some men who understand that propagating those sentiments can cause more harm, no matter how fun-loving a time is being had telling those types of jokes.
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Your ruining all my fun frisco:(
 
Frisco said:
That's because sexist, abusive "jokes," which have hurting women because they're women as the punch line, do not seem funny to most women and to some men who understand that propagating those sentiments can cause more harm, no matter how fun-loving a time is being had telling those types of jokes.
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I was talking about the one with telling her you'll call her back and don't. She didn't find it funny cause I did it.. But I'm sure if she read all the jokes, she would find at least a little humor in them.. But then again, she has a twisted sense of humor just like me.. using women as the "punch" line literally. Ha ha ha. I'm sure they wouldn't find that funny.
 
G.Armour said:
I was talking about the one with telling her you'll call her back and don't. She didn't find it funny cause I did it.. But I'm sure if she read all the jokes, she would find at least a little humor in them.. But then again, she has a twisted sense of humor just like me.. using women as the "punch" line literally. Ha ha ha. I'm sure they wouldn't find that funny.
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I agree, dont think anyone will read the list and think, o i'm gonna go do that. Half the reason it's funny is cause its so audacious your like, 'no they didn't'. LOL i lost it when i read those lists..... really like the it one on found in computers section as well
 
nmayer79 said:
17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.
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I dated a girl that did this. I didn't know what was happening until I found a box with my name on it in her closet.
 
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