You haven't said which mail app/s you are using, however for Gmail go into your Gmail account settings and untick 'Sync Gmail'. you will have to enable sync whenever you want to get your mail, or use your browser to go to mail.google.com and login to your account.
In my stock HTC mail app I would go into the specific mail account and go Settings--> Sync, Send & Receive and in Sync Schedule change 'Peak time sync' and 'Off-peak sync' to manual, mail will then be downloaded only when I open that mail account. You should find something similar in whatever mail app/s you are using.
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