"One Liners" thread

[Zigman66]

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

[shalemail]

Tortillas are really just edible envelopes you use to mail food to your stomach.

 

[Member2035261]

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

Abi Roberts, Edinburgh Fringe (2016)

 

[shalemail]

So President Trump, Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman walk into a bar ... Oh wait.

 

[Unforgiven]

So President Trump's, Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman walk into a bar ... Oh wait.

Let's keep things non PCA in here...

 

[shalemail]

Let's keep things non PCA in here...

Aww come on THAT'S funny!

 

[Unforgiven]

Aww come on THAT'S funny!

It is still there. Just keeping the slope ungreased.

 

[psionandy]

The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club

 

[psionandy]

The first rule of Buzzfeed club will amaze you!

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Bento lunch.

 

[shalemail]

When shopping online, you're highly unlikely to see any negative reviews for parachutes.

 

[shalemail]

Getting plastic surgery is essentially getting your birthday suit tailored.

 

[Zigman66]

I tried child proofing my house but the little buggers still keep getting in

 

[dontpanicbobby]

One thing was missing.

 

[Zigman66]

My wife ran away with my best friend and I sure do miss him

 

[psionandy]

Apparently the man who took Ryanair to court for mislaying his luggage has lost his case.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

When I was a kid I got lost at the beach and asked a policeman "Can you help me find my parents?" He said, " Sure kid. There's only so many places they can hide.".
RIP Rodney Dangerfield

 

[shalemail]

I was reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. At first I hated it, but eventually I started to kinda like it.

 

[olbriar]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?


 

[DealerMan]

Choose your next witticism very carefully, Mr. Bond!

 

[Member2035261]

Anagram must have been the first anagram

 

[shalemail]

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went in to business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?

 

[shalemail]

Professional wrestling is just a bunch of people with no pants fighting over and over sized belt.

 

[shalemail]

If you think about it, broth is really just animal tea.

 

[psionandy]

Revenge is a dish best served with laxatives