"One Liners" thread

[Zigman66]

I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.

 

[Zigman66]

A seminar on time travel will be held 2 weeks ago

 

[Zigman66]

I used to be indecisive but now I am not so sure

 

[psionandy]

I'm not paranoid, they are just spreading rumours that I am to ruin my reputation....

 

[shalemail]

If humanity is not inherently evil explain pinatas to me.

 

[psionandy]

If humanity is not inherently evil explain pinatas to me.

This children's entertainer shows what bravery is....

 

[shalemail]

It's called the atmoSPHERE not the atmosFLAT

 

[Zigman66]

Am I ignorant or apathetic?

I don't know and I don't care!

 

[Unforgiven]

^^that is two lines.

 

[Zigman66]

Can you repeat the part of "Listen very carefully"?

Better??

 

[dontpanicbobby]

One line. Fliipped it. That was two @Zigman66.

 

[shalemail]

Considering most people are buried in their Sunday best, the beginning of the zombie apocalypse will be quite the formal affair.

 

[shalemail]

Humans are the perfect example of how dangerous an invasive species is to the local environment.

 

[Zigman66]

I can never find the time to procrastinate

 

[shalemail]

They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I always found the rib spreaders to be more efficient.

 

[psionandy]

I thought we were communicating with some angry dolphins earlier, but it turns out we were just talking at cross porpoises!

 

[Zigman66]

If you believe in telekinesis raise my hand

 

[lunatic59]

As a clairvoyant, I knew you were going to say that.

 

[Zigman66]

Impossible! I was wearing my tinfoil hat!

 

[lunatic59]

That only works for aliens and govt. agencies. I'm an independent, free-range clairvoyant. (Gluten-free, too)

 

[shalemail]

We squint at the sun because it's bright, we squint at people because they are not.

 

[Zigman66]

Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most.

 

[Zigman66]

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

 

[Zigman66]

Earthquake predictors are merely faultfinders.

 

[Zigman66]

Archaeologists will date any old thing