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Android Forums's 100 Laughs

BBC News: An ultra-light plane has crashed into a Ferris wheel in a village north of Sydney, trapping four people, Australian officials say.
Some people dream of being a pilot, others simply fail to see the attraction.



My friend told me that it was such a nice day yesterday he walked his dog in shorts.
I said, "Your dog wears shorts!" :p
 
A bloke wakes up in hospital after a car accident.
He helps himself to some raisins from a bowl, just as his wife comes in.
"Oh babe you're awake! I was so worried!" she exclaimed.
"I'm fine, love" he says. "Why didn't you get me grapes? You know I like grapes."
"I did" she says, "you've been in a coma for a year." :confused:


I was watching the news today and there was a reporter in a bullet proof vest with 'PRESS' written on it.
I wonder what would happen if someone did? :rolleyes:
 
Stress reliever
 

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I read recently that most companies deliberately employ one useless, incompetent, talentless idiot, just to boost office morale, focus the other employees, and divert attention away from any management failings.
What rubbish! I've looked around the whole office, and none of my colleagues fit that description.



An explorer was walking through the jungle when he spotted a poisonous snake. He walked cautiously round it and then noticed it was a stick and not a snake.
"I was absolutely terrified," he told a friend that evening.
"But if it was only a stick," said his friend, "why were you terrified?"
"Because," said the explorer, "the stick I'd picked up to hit it with was a snake." :D
 
hexpert said:
i read recently that most companies deliberately employ one useless, incompetent, talentless idiot, just to boost office morale, focus the other employees, and divert attention away from any management failings.
What rubbish! I've looked around the whole office, and none of my colleagues fit that description.
Click to expand...
r o f l ! ! !
 
The following Alzheimers test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a single mistake. The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10. This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
 
One day, while going to the
store, I passed by a nursing home.

On the front lawn were six old
ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie.

I thought this was a bit unusual,
but continued on my way to the
store. On my return trip, I
passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the
best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies
lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired
prostitutes, and they're having a yard
sale.'
 
This redneck is sitting on porch watching the world go by when a little boy walked by with something carefully cupped in his hands. He yells "Hey boy, what you got in yo hands?"

The boy replies "A horsefly."

The redneck asks "And what you goin to do with that?"

The boy replies "Ima gonna take it to town and get me a horse" and continued on his way.

The redneck settles back into his chair and think to himself "yeah right."

A little while later to the rednecks surprise the boy comes back by leading a horse.

The next morning the redneck is again sitting on his porch and along comes the boy carefully cupping something in his hands. He yells "Hey boy, what you got in yo hands?"

The boy replies "Got me a bullfrog."

The redneck asks "And what you goin to do with that?"

The boy replies "Ima gonna take it to town and get me a bull" and continued on his way.

The redneck settles back into his chair and think to himself "no way in hell."

A little while later to the rednecks utter disbelief the boy comes back by leading a bull.


The next morning the redneck is again sitting on his porch and along comes the boy carefully cupping something in his hands. He yells "Hey boy, what you got in yo hands?"

The boy replies "Got me a p**** willow."

The redneck hollers back "Let me git my coat!!!"

edit: sorry, didn't know I was using a bleep out word.
 
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