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Loosing half of my life here soon

AZgl1500

AZgl1500

Extreme Android User
I have alluded to my problems around here at home on occasion, but it is now serious, and has a definite end to it.... with me at 73, and her at 67, we know we aren't going to be here forever.... but I thought she would outlive me by a couple of decades....

got a lot of friends here, and I just need a window to get things off my chest...... many a psyche doctor has told me in the past, "you have gotta talk it out son, or you will bury yourself in pity"

so, with that, here is my story today:


a bit on the depressing side around here when I arrived at Mardonna's room at Post Acute Medical Specialties which is a LTACs facility. they specialize in helping folks rehab so they can go home after the hospital stay is done, but they are not ready to go home....



I found her crying when I came in...............................


The Nephrologist doctor had come in before me and told her that her kidneys are not working like they should.

He wants to have a permanent Dialysis line installed, and she won't consent to that.

After being a dialysis Nurse Supervisor for almost 30 years, she knows this business as well as they do. and she has seen the ongoing pain and suffering that is involved. It is NOT a High Quality of Life, and for her, that is where it all is at.... plus you add in that the family members have to constantly consider if she needs help today, or can one of us go to town, or leave town for a trip ??

we would have to get out of bed by 6 a.m. and make a 1 hour drive to south Tulsa and then she would have to endure a 4 to 6 hour dialysis process...

Make that trip 3 times a week, two hours of travel each time.... and it is just more than she can deal with.

She wants to go home, be with the dogs and have them loving her and playing around her feet. Listen to the birds chirping, and the squirrels chattering and teasing the dogs.....

Planting flowers, and watching them grow, and painting rocks for her rock garden, and doing pencil color artwork...


So, it is something that we have talked about for decades, that IF she were to ever be subjected to this, that she would NOT do dialysis. The only reason she consented to temporary dialysis at all was to allow me to get her financial affairs in order.... and they are in a terrible disarray.... she never, ever, assigned any beneficiaries or co-signators to her financial accounts...

I called in a Notary this morning, and she put her stamp to a POA and a Living Will.

Then,
We went to Chase Bank with the new Durable Power of Attorney paperwork and they allowed me to be the POA of her account, but by law they can't add any other person to the account..... they did add the kids as beneficiaries, and that allows me to disburse the funds before I present the Death Certificate.... gotta follow that order, or the state steps in with Probate.. yikes!


Me? I have our daughter on every financial account that I have as a signatory and "right of survivorship" which means the account won't be closed by law.....


a sad day here, we are having to face the music that she is not long for this world.
frown.gif
 
I'm very saddened from your news AZgl1500. I was afraid it was coming from your recent posts and I'm sure you two felt it coming as well. That certainly doesn't prepare you or Mardonna for the reality of what's to come. I do wish there was something I could say that would ease the pain of the situation. You both will be in my thoughts.
 
I am really saddened by your story. One part did catch my eye though. You said that another person could not be added to her accounts at the bank. Was that just because she was not personally present at the bank? If so, you could probably get the branch manager or an officer to come to her to get that signature if she seriously wanted to add someone. They just have to follow government rules for "knowing their customer" and being sure no one is taking advantage of her.
 
kokiangel said:
I am really saddened by your story. One part did catch my eye though. You said that another person could not be added to her accounts at the bank. Was that just because she was not personally present at the bank? If so, you could probably get the branch manager or an officer to come to her to get that signature if she seriously wanted to add someone. They just have to follow government rules for "knowing their customer" and being sure no one is taking advantage of her.
Click to expand...

Apparently it is Federal Laws on such things. A POA can be assigned to distribute the funds, but once that has happened, the account is frozen as regards to adding signatories.

Chase Bank does all of their work on their computer system, all persons must be at the bank to be added... we were fortunate in that our son came home from Georgia and was able to go with our daughter and I to get this done.

1. I was set up as the POA.
2. They were added as beneficiaries.

3. When a death certificate is presented, all funds must be disbursed immediately and the account is closed.

this is my first time to deal with this.

as regards the IRS, it seems that the amounts are small enough that no severe tax implications will be involved.

Our daughter and son settled on how they wanted to handle the estate. He had to return home this morning which is a 1,000 mile drive in one very long run.... tomorrow, he has to drive to his job location in Dayton, Ohio where he is a project leader on converting municipal city buses to battery/electric/diesel... a very unique system that is not anywhere else in the world.

Dayton has a requirement in their Project Scope, they want these electric buses to be capable of leaving the catenary wires ( overhead trolley lines ) and able to go 20 miles on Battery Power alone. Then in an emergency, the Cummins Diesel engine can be fired up to bring it home if the batteries get depleted....

in real life, once the buses are "online" and out of the R&D stage, the diesel engine will be fired up immediately to assist the batteries climbing the steeper hills.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overhead_line


As for "dealing with this issue"...... I keep busy, ATM I am at the hospital with her and I have my laptop here, I visit several forums, on different subject material... I try to keep my mind busy with helping others as much as possible.

My doctors ( in a previous accident I was in ) told me that I must keep my brain active always, or it will atrophy.... a result of 3 concussions when an 18 wheeler T-boned my motorcycle back in 2008... just like I did as a kid, when my horses bucked me off, I climbed back up in that saddle and I just spurred them all the more to show them who is boss here.....

and with my motorcycle, I have replaced the one that ended up as scrap with a nice one that I can enjoy for many years..... I have a special trailer being built for it, the bed of the trailer lowers flat to the ground to allow the bike to be ridden right onto the deck, strapped down, and then the deck is lift up to ride height, locked in place, and the trailer then is hitched to my car....

due to the accident, I can no longer tolerate heat higher than 85*F.... so when I go to rally events that are 3-4 hours or longer from home, I drive the car, and tow the bike.

I ramble a lot on the forums, but it is my defense mechanism....
 
There simply are not words. My prayers are with you on this journey. I have always been odd about death (my first memories are being told my father was dead - later to find out murdered) so I will say only this, celebrate the wonders, the joys, the memories, the time this world gave you - hold on tight to those memories and experiences, they are uniquely yours forever, no one can take them away. We are all here for you should you need the support of friends.
 
I have visited your thread every day and left without posting because I couldn't find the words I needed to say.

I feel that I have empathy with you - my wife and I are a couple or so years younger than you and Mardonna and the very thought of being in your situation makes me sick in the stomach and so desperately saddened, and I can only hope that I would find the determination to make the most of the time left by rejoicing in the life we have had together and striving to do those things we haven't thus far been able to do.

As man and wife and family I send our love to you and Mardonna and family.

Bless you all xxx.
 
Sorry to hear this, and my sympathy goes out to you and your wife. It takes a strong person to know when to say no. I think its fairly common for people in the healthcare field to set clear boundaries like that. They've seen both sides of it. Not everyone gets to go on their own terms.

Thank you for sharing, especially the details about the accounts. Thats nothing I've ever bothered to read up on or think about before.
 
One Day At A Time:

sounds like an old soap opera from the black and white tv days, IIRC??


Got a POA taken care of, that has been of immense help working with the banks.

2 down, and only 3 to go.....

two of the three were supportive on the phone and have emailed me documents for her to sign and send back to them, along with a certified copy of the POA.



Mardonna's kidneys are trying to work again....

output is almost 900 cc/day and they want more if she is to go off of dialysis...



an encouraging thing for the family happened today.... our son called to tell us of some good news about a job interview, and when he asked her about her plans, she said that she is considering a "tunnel" for "in center" dialysis 3 times a week.





that is upbeat news for now.... one day at a time, that is all I can do...
 
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it is a quiet day.

I have a lead on most of the finances now.... thought I would get it all researched and prepared to mail out last night.

didn't happen, when I got home about 5:30 PM, I set down in my favorite recliner, pulled the cover up over me, and didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning... might have been a pee break in there somewhere? dunno

arrived at the hospital about 9:30ish, the kitchen was not receiving the meal menu charts for Mardonna, she missed 3 meals in a row!!! had to call in and ask for a food tray, and natch, it was not what she needed....

so, I worked with the folks up front and got the meal menus for the next 3 days, marked them up heavy with her room number and her name......

Mardonna filled them out, and I hand carried them to the kitchen folks.... they apologized all over the place, but hey! if they don't get a meal menu to work from, how are they to know?

and this place filled up to the ceiling last night after I left..... there were a half dozen empty rooms, and now the spare wing that was empty is full also.

new nurses running the floors that I have never seen, one lady that just came in here, explained she has not been called in to work for over a month, and now they just have to have her....

such is the ways of the medical environment, not needed at all, or not enough room to hold the influx.

this rehab hospital has a 10 bed ICU with surgical rooms, and a full time surgeon staff... they have been busy too....

not mine to ask, but why is a rehab hospital having to do surgeries?? I suppose it is because that folks who are trying to recover from gangrenous conditions can't make it, and have to have more flesh removed.... I'm thinking it is maintenance type surgeries, not heart attack victims, etc...

The corporation that owns this place is in full expansion mode..... this unit here is going to eventually just be an Acute Care Center slated to getting folks healed up enough that they can be moved into the full Rehab ward......

in that regard, they are now building up a full blown rehab therapy hospital adjacent to Hillcrest South where Mardonna was at first before she came here.... I think that the Lord was looking out for us when I got the "off the cuff advice from the nurses about where NOT to take Mardonna for her follow up care. "

this place is the place to be....
 
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