Unfortunately, nobody has really put together such a list. The best you can do is browse this:
HTC Supersonic/ROMs - XDA-Developers
And view the posts for each ROM. You can read about what each one offers. As for your specific ROM/kernel questions:
1) This kind of depends on to what extent you want to "de-sense" the phone. You obviously don't want AOSP if you want to keep all functionality. Almost all custom Sense ROMs, though, have at least the basic bloatware removed (Sprint apps, blockbuster, etc.). There are a few ROMs, such as Sprint lovers, that have almost nothing removed. The purpose is to allow users to decide what they do and don't want. There are also some ROMs that have as much of Sense removed as possible, but are still based on Sense (4g, hdmi, etc. all work). These are a couple examples:
[ROM] VaelPak 3.0 [01/01/11] - NonSense - [SBC-NOHAVSv8] - 3.70.651.1 OTA - xda-developers
[ROM]EVO-NonSense(UPDATED 12/31)AOSP+Gingerbread Elements,OTA 3.70.651.1 - xda-developers
These, however, probably have more of sense removed than you want. If I'm not mistaken, they don't even include the Sense launcher (rosie). That being said, aside from the two extremes I just listed, you can browse that first link for any ROM sense based (look in the fourth column to see what each ROM is based on). Some popular examples are Fresh, Calkulin's EViO, Myn's Warm, etc. All of them have the basic bloatware removed, but still use sense. Anything you want removed after that can be removed using titanium backup or root explorer, but be very careful with the latter method.
2) Generally speaking, most sense ROMs are going to offer the same stability (assuming the ROM developer doesn't mess anything up too bad). You *might* notice some issues with some ROMs that try to incorporate as many AOSP elements as possible, but for the most part, everything should be fine. It's the kernel that you need to watch out for. As you look at the different available ROMs, you'll see what kernel the developer has included. Most devs include the stock HTC kernel that came with whatever base OTA they are working off of. HTC #15 is the latest for OTA 3.70. That being said, you have your choice of a couple. Netarchy, kings, and ziggy's are among the more popular ones.
3) This is what you're looking for:
[ MOD ] Custom MTD Partitions by Firerat (resize Cache, Data & System) - xda-developers
Really consider if you think this is worth it. It's not your typical mod. There are arguably some better ways to increase available space on the /data partition. The most common way is with a2sd. By partitioning the sdcard with an ext partition, this allows you to:
a) Move whatever apps you want to the sdcard. It doesn't work like built-in foryo apps2sd. It allows you to move whatever you want without the same concerns of froyo apps2sd.
b) Move dalvik cache to the /cache partition or the sdcard. This is a big one. You will gain 50-100 MB just by doing that.
Keep in mind that both the partition mod and a2sd don't depend on what ROM you're using, but if you want to use a2sd, you should pick a ROM that a2sd support already so that you don't need set it up from scratch. Myn's, Mikfroyo, etc. for example, already have built in support. Browse that first link, again, and developers will say if it's built in.
4) This depends more on the kernel than the ROM. Of course, keep in mind you need to avoid battery hogging apps, etc. etc., but that is the case across all ROMs. Back to the kernel, you're basically looking a few factors:
a) The actual kernel choice - each kernel offers certain stability, speed, and generic battery life. The most popular is netarchy. It's known to be quite stable. Ziggy's is also a good choice, but I've found it to be a little unstable. Note that that was only my experience. Others may be fine with it. I never liked King's kernels because they were always unstable. Some people love them. Your best bet is to stick with stock HTC on any kernel you switch with for a day or two, then try different custom kernels and see what you like.
b) HAVS/non-HAVS - This is hybrid adaptive voltage scaling. It means that as the CPU frequency scales up and down, the voltage supplied to the CPU goes up and down with it. It's meant to save battery life, especially when the phone is idle. Note that not all phones can handle HAVS, so you should try it, but you may have instability. Netarchy, for example, has both a HAVS and non-HAVS version (along with other versions).
c) CFS/BFS - you can look this up elsewhere. Theoretically, CFS offers better battery life, while BFS is faster. It's all theoretical. All phones work a little differently, and your phone will probably prefer one over the other. Personally, BFS drains the battery faster than CFS, to the point where I've given up on BFS.
d) Governor choice - kernel developers include different governors, and it's up to you to pick which one you want. The most common are on-demand, smartass, and conservative. This has been discussed elsewhere, so I'll be brief - on-demand has the best performance, but the worst battery life. Conservative has the best battery life, but may not have the best performance; yrmv on that one. Smartass is meant to be a tradeoff of both, and should offer good performance with better battery life than on-demand. It shouldn't be used with setcpu profiles, as it does those things for you.
d) Setcpu - you should always try a kernel without overclocking first. If it's running smoothly, there's usually no reason to overclock, unless you want to brag about your Quadrant score, which really doesn't mean much. If you feel that you can gain some real-world performance out of overclocking, then go for it. As a general rule, when testing the limits of your phone with overclocking using setcpu, leave the option to set at boot unchecked until you know the phone is stable. You don't want to get stuck in a bootloop. Also, you'll need a custom kernel to do this. Even with perflock disabled, you cannot overclock the HTC stock kernels.
5) Sense really isn't dependent on the ROM. Either the ROM has the sense launcher or it doesn't. You can still have a Sense-based ROM with the sense launcher removed. If you want something other than Sense, you can just use launcherpro, adw, etc. If you do want the sense launcher, stick with one of the many Sense ROMs that include it. Other than a possible theme, the launcher will behave in the same exact way. You will still have 7 screens, etc.
Rooting questions:
a) The reason for the flashing problems was because unrevoked 3.3 flashed Clockwork 3.0 for recovery. Since Clockwork 3.0.x.x only supports edify, most flashable zips (not just ROMs) didn't work right. Clockwork 2.6.x.x has since been included, and works great. Even if you do end up with Clockwork 3.0.x.x at some point, it's very easy to switch recovery versions. For now, though, as long as you use(d) the latest version of unrevoked, you're fine.
b) The point of that step is to just reboot the phone normally. You should be in hboot. All you're doing is rebooting the phone. Can you please explain what the problem is? I'm not quite sure what you're saying.
c) There are two points here - 1) You shouldn't accept an OTA update while rooted. There is a section in the rooting for dummies guide on how to get everything you need out of an OTA update without accepting it. However, if you stick with the stock ROM, and want to accept an OTA update, you need to a) flash the stock recovery back, and b) have all the apps still in /system/app. So, yes, you souldn't just uninstall bloatware, but 2) you are correct. You can just make a nandroid backup before removing/freezing anything (most definitely do that), then restore it to get everything back. That being said, it's always safer to freeze bloatware with titanium backup, or use root explorer (or the terminal) to rename the apks in /system/app that you want to "remove" by just renaming the extension from .apk to .bak. they will stop running, and will not show up in the app drawer after that. Note that you have very little to gain by actually removing the apps here. Most custom ROMs have them removed because you're not working off stock, and you can just get them off the sdcard later. With stock, though, if you remove them, unless you saved them, you have to find them elsewhere. I say it's not worth removing them because they are on the /system partition. Unless you remove, for example 30 MB worth of apks, then use the partition script linked to above, you won't see any more free space on /data. If you ask me, it's not worth it for such a little amount of space.
d) Yes, you can only create a nandroid backup after you have rooted (or at least have a custom recovery, which is part of the process). You can, however, make a backup with something like mybackup pro to backup as much as possible. It will be far from a full backup. You don't *need* to wipe before rooting with unrevoked, though. You only need to if you run into problems, and nothing else fixes it. You *could* also use something like z4root to temporarily root the phone, then install titanium backup, backup apps, app data, and settings, then reboot to lose the z4 temp root, then root with unrevoked, having made a slightly more comprehensive backup (but still not as complete as nandroid). Keep in mind that that last part is theoretical. I haven't tried it, but it should work.
Let me know if any of this didn't answer any of your questions, or if you have any more questions.