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So who do I offend here?

Tough one. Sis will understand, but not so much mom and dad. (I can here it now ... "you're own brother couldn't bother coming to your party.")

OTOH, weddings are a single event in people's relationships with each other. Miss it and you'll never get it back.

I'd go to the wedding and then at an appropriate time, I'd call sis from the wedding, apologize personally for not being able to be part of the "surprise" and set up a lunch or dinner to make up for it.
 
nyydynasty said:
offend them both. go drinking with some buddies.
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Honestly, I entertained the idea of faking my own death. Not gonna lie.

Anyway, as to relationships, this guy and I worked together for 5-6 years and became friends there. We both left that job about 3-4 years ago now and I've seen him only once since then. He moved 3 hours away and then an entire state away so he could be with this woman he's now marrying. (Whatever happened to bros before hoes anyway?) We correspond online quite frequently though.

My sister and I obviously grew up together and are two years apart. We were the best of friends growing up and continue to be close friends. Plus she has two kids that are the cutest on the planet by far.
 
Unless you're like the best man or something, I'd definitely skip the wedding. Family is the most important thing.
 
novox77 said:
If he chooses wrong, he gets banned. That's why we're all in here.
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What if I call the guy on the day of the wedding, claim I'm having a "personal emergency" and can't make it. Then I go to the going away party. I have Chinese parents. Unless you're Asian, you have no idea of the guilt trips, shame and judgementalism they can heap on your head if they happen to be in the mood.
 
A.Nonymous said:
What if I call the guy on the day of the wedding, claim I'm having a "personal emergency" and can't make it. Then I go to the going away party. I have Chinese parents. Unless you're Asian, you have no idea of the guilt trips, shame and judgementalism they can heap on your head if they happen to be in the mood.
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Just hope that your friend doesn't have an Android Forums account!

Personally, I think it would be more fun to tell your friend that you're skipping the wedding because you're sure the marriage won't last more than a few months, anyway. :p
 
I'd pick the wedding. As others mentioned, I'd do another activity with the sister before she leaves.

Family is important, but a wedding is more important than a "leaving" party. Especially since he's an old and good buddy of yours. Your parents should understand that, no?
 
A.Nonymous said:
What if I call the guy on the day of the wedding, claim I'm having a "personal emergency" and can't make it. Then I go to the going away party. I have Chinese parents. Unless you're Asian, you have no idea of the guilt trips, shame and judgementalism they can heap on your head if they happen to be in the mood.
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Trust me no matter your race all parents puts that gult trip on you. Just tell them you promised your friend a while before your sister planed to move and its the honorable thing to do. ;)
 
DaSchmarotzer said:
I'd pick the wedding. As others mentioned, I'd do another activity with the sister before she leaves.

Family is important, but a wedding is more important than a "leaving" party. Especially since he's an old and good buddy of yours. Your parents should understand that, no?
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You've not met my parents. :(
 
Well sounds like you made up your mind beings you fear your parents. Go to your sisters going away party. I wouldn't doubt that this ends your friendship with your friend. I know I would if you did this to me.
 
nlsme said:
Okay. How about asking yourself wich one YOU would rather attend?
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Honestly, neither. I hate crowds. I hate big social events. I can't read people in a social setting to save my life unless I know them very, very well and I'm incredibly socially awkward. People are being serious and I don't pick up on that. People are joking and I don't pick up on that either. I tend to avoid social events in general.
 
I doubt your parents would end their relationship with you; your friend might.

I'd seriously go to the wedding, it might be his only one. ;)
 
Really, if you've only seen your friend once in the last 4 years, and for part of that time he was only 3 hours away, I'd question how strong the friendship is now, anyway ...
 
wedding is more important... it is believed to be once in a lifetime.

i would arrange a special time with her before she leaves. and tell why you got to go to the wedding.
 
A.Nonymous said:
...I can't read people in a social setting to save my life unless I know them very, very well and I'm incredibly socially awkward. People are being serious and I don't pick up on that. People are joking and I don't pick up on that either...
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That probably describes most of us in this forum. :D
 
I found out the wedding is actually an hour later than I thought it was. So it starts one hour later than the party. However, it's far enough way that I'd need to leave the party 15 mins in or so in order to get to the wedding on time. I'm thinking of showing up at the party, leaving early, going to the wedding, maybe doing nothing more than schmooze with the guests and the groom before the ceremony, sign the guest book, drop off my gift and leave and then head back to the going away party. Then I could claim that I was there and they just didn't see me. After all my gift was there and I signed the guest book. Thoughts on this plan?
 
how long will the party last??? all night.. booze fest? if so... then go to wedding.. stay long enough to establish your presences ... then run off to party with your sis.

that way you dont have to change in and out of your wedding suit.
 
A.Nonymous said:
I found out the wedding is actually an hour later than I thought it was. So it starts one hour later than the party. However, it's far enough way that I'd need to leave the party 15 mins in or so in order to get to the wedding on time. I'm thinking of showing up at the party, leaving early, going to the wedding, maybe doing nothing more than schmooze with the guests and the groom before the ceremony, sign the guest book, drop off my gift and leave and then head back to the going away party. Then I could claim that I was there and they just didn't see me. After all my gift was there and I signed the guest book. Thoughts on this plan?
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Right before the wedding, the Bride will be sequestered with her father and the bridesmaids, if they are following a traditional Christian ceremony. The groom will be with the best man, usually being given oxygen ;) (Seriously, they will be waiting out of sight as well.) They won't see that you are there.

Show up for the ceremony sign the book and stay. They'll see you as you pass through the receiving line and you congratulate them and find someone to take your gift to the reception. That's where gifts are usually collected.

You could leave after that. If it's a big wedding and you aren't actually part of the wedding party, then they'll be too busy (and drunk) to miss you. But they'll remember you were there.
 
lunatic59 said:
Right before the wedding, the Bride will be sequestered with her father and the bridesmaids, if they are following a traditional Christian ceremony. The groom will be with the best man, usually being given oxygen ;) (Seriously, they will be waiting out of sight as well.) They won't see that you are there.

Show up for the ceremony sign the book and stay. They'll see you as you pass through the receiving line and you congratulate them and find someone to take your gift to the reception. That's where gifts are usually collected.

You could leave after that. If it's a big wedding and you aren't actually part of the wedding party, then they'll be too busy (and drunk) to miss you. But they'll remember you were there.
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Perhaps the traditions here are a bit different, but it's never been that way at the weddings around here. Around here, the bride is sequestered away with the bridesmaids and you never see any of them before the ceremony. The groom and the groomsmen are traditionally milling around in the foyer greeting people and shooting the shit. They disappear into the bowels of the church 5-10 mins before the ceremony starts.
 
TheBrit said:
A.Nonymous said:
...shooting the shit...
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You guys sure have some weird traditions!
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Lol. I always wondered where that colloquialism for casual conversation came from. My guess would have to be the old west on boring train rides from coast to coast where guys would stand on the back car of the train, and fling buffalo chips in the air for target practice.

"Where you going Clem?"

"Out back with Rastus to shoot the shit."

;)
 
A.Nonymous said:
Long story short, I'm supposed to be a wedding for a friend of mine that I've known for nearly 10 years on Saturday at 1700. I'm also supposed to be at a going away party for my sister who is moving away at the exact same time. Social etiquette dictates that I should go to both. Physics dictates that I can't be in two places at once. Any ideas on which of these two I should offend?
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I would see my sister off, marriages don't last that long anymore, you can always make it to your friends next wedding ;)
 
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