It's easy to manage teenagers: crack a bottle of rum on their 13th birthday and sober up for their graduation 
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Teenagers are always eager to study, because they have to, to get a good score in the zhongkao and gaokao.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Higher_Education_Entrance_Examination
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senior_High_School_Entrance_Examination
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Higher_Education_Entrance_Examination
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senior_High_School_Entrance_Examination
Curtis1973
Android Expert
I mock them. Get off my grass you little hippy thugsters!!!
Kiltpin
Lurker
When he was a young teen, my son and I were always butting heads.
I say White/Up/Yes and he says Black/Down/No.
He says "I Want", I say "Maybe", he says "I don't want it anyway".
When I had had enough, I would wait till one of his friends came over; I would take him in my arms; kiss him on the cheek; and say in a loud voice "I love you son and always will". The look on his face was always priceless.
He is 30 now and a Senior Paramedic. He goes round the schools and lectures the kids on lifestyle choices - drink, drugs and healthy eating. Oh, how I laugh!
I say White/Up/Yes and he says Black/Down/No.
He says "I Want", I say "Maybe", he says "I don't want it anyway".
When I had had enough, I would wait till one of his friends came over; I would take him in my arms; kiss him on the cheek; and say in a loud voice "I love you son and always will". The look on his face was always priceless.
He is 30 now and a Senior Paramedic. He goes round the schools and lectures the kids on lifestyle choices - drink, drugs and healthy eating. Oh, how I laugh!
To me the best part of kids is up until they can speak , it goes downhill after that
I found that parenting has to shift when dealing with teens. The "I'm your parent, you're the child, I know better" mentality doesn't work. They have to be given a longer leash, allowed to make their own mistakes and celebrate their own successes. Parents have to take on more and more of a MENTOR position and less and less the mother/father nurturer. Allowing them increasing amounts of independence is nerve-racking at best, but they have to learn to face the realities of life early on or the real world will eat them alive when they finally move out. It's not an easy shift for a parent... but it's a necessary one.
+1 ^^^
Exactly, @The_Chief. While you may have a few more worries during those 5 or 6 years of raging teen-dom, you will end up with much more peace of mind for the next 40 or 50 years knowing you have produced a reasonable, self-sufficient adult in the end.
Exactly, @The_Chief. While you may have a few more worries during those 5 or 6 years of raging teen-dom, you will end up with much more peace of mind for the next 40 or 50 years knowing you have produced a reasonable, self-sufficient adult in the end.
basic 101 user
Android Enthusiast
Agreed; It is has been a while since anyone posted, but the content is completely evergreen. Hopefully the thread has settled down because some of LV426's issues are better under control, working their way out. I have no genuinely helpful thoughts, just a few observations from an "outsider":
For myriad reasons, I have no children of my own, but am thoroughly enjoying my Niece and Nephew grow up (from just enough distance).
Both kids are growing up in a warm, supportive family, and are charming little imps, however.......
My brother is already keenly aware of what may be over the horizon, even as there is no sign of trouble today.
The little girl in particular troubles him (in a good way, and with a "lowercase t".
He confided in me the other day......"She's gonna' be a hand full."
She is four, going on five.....Still years away from even being able to spell "hormones", and at least as many away from having any. She is as sweet as can be, polite, obedient, and curious. But also cheeky, fussy, sassy, giggly, moody. Just like a lot of little girls her age. And cute as can be; It's not hard to imagine she's going to get a lot of attention from the boys, in a few years. Just like a lot of girls at that age.
Trouble surely coming, but my brother is bracing for it, and trying to prepare himself mentally, to enjoy it all, as part of the process.
The second thought is far less uplifting or hopeful:
I try to imagine how it would be as a step-parent; Dealing with such drama, without any leverage or credibility, no blood tie to the kid, and perhaps even watching the "real" parent make a terrible mess of it.
I have an older girlfriend, who just got out of such a relationship. Sad to say, the final straw was not when the helicopters were circling overhead, with the sun-guns illuminating the house, FBI windbreakers all over the lawn and coming through the front door. She stuck it out quite a while longer, trying to get the kid straightened out, while the father, was in total denial, and even took active steps to assist the son in concealing his activities, and facilitate more of them.
The kid had a disturbing history by 16, before the FBI found their own "bait" photographs on his hard drive. At fourteen or so, he got a second chance to straighten up his act. By sixteen, he was caught with a fourteen year old boy. Not the first, but the first time the police were involved. By eighteen, he was "active" with his local church, mentoring the younger kids. A serious predator in the making, and the father was consistently destroying his hard drives just as the cops were showing up, funneling money to the kid to hide out and buy new computers, etc.
And all the while, my friend was "the bad guy" in the relationship, causing trouble for daddy's little angel.
Both kids are growing up in a warm, supportive family, and are charming little imps, however.......
My brother is already keenly aware of what may be over the horizon, even as there is no sign of trouble today.
The little girl in particular troubles him (in a good way, and with a "lowercase t".
He confided in me the other day......"She's gonna' be a hand full."
She is four, going on five.....Still years away from even being able to spell "hormones", and at least as many away from having any. She is as sweet as can be, polite, obedient, and curious. But also cheeky, fussy, sassy, giggly, moody. Just like a lot of little girls her age. And cute as can be; It's not hard to imagine she's going to get a lot of attention from the boys, in a few years. Just like a lot of girls at that age.
Trouble surely coming, but my brother is bracing for it, and trying to prepare himself mentally, to enjoy it all, as part of the process.
The second thought is far less uplifting or hopeful:
I try to imagine how it would be as a step-parent; Dealing with such drama, without any leverage or credibility, no blood tie to the kid, and perhaps even watching the "real" parent make a terrible mess of it.
I have an older girlfriend, who just got out of such a relationship. Sad to say, the final straw was not when the helicopters were circling overhead, with the sun-guns illuminating the house, FBI windbreakers all over the lawn and coming through the front door. She stuck it out quite a while longer, trying to get the kid straightened out, while the father, was in total denial, and even took active steps to assist the son in concealing his activities, and facilitate more of them.
The kid had a disturbing history by 16, before the FBI found their own "bait" photographs on his hard drive. At fourteen or so, he got a second chance to straighten up his act. By sixteen, he was caught with a fourteen year old boy. Not the first, but the first time the police were involved. By eighteen, he was "active" with his local church, mentoring the younger kids. A serious predator in the making, and the father was consistently destroying his hard drives just as the cops were showing up, funneling money to the kid to hide out and buy new computers, etc.
And all the while, my friend was "the bad guy" in the relationship, causing trouble for daddy's little angel.
LizMac
Android Enthusiast
I learned meditation techniques when my daughter was that age. QUICKLY. Deep breaths and long walks to calm down. You are not alone, just remember that. It really is hard being a teen girl. She's getting crap thrown at her from adults to her male and female peers. Make her home a safe and secure space where she can talk openly about her problems. I adored my father because he was the calm reasonable one who I could open up to.
M
Member243850
Guest
Shame dan I feel for you buddy sounds like a great relationship congrats thats hard these days 
I had serious problems with my family LV426... you are not alone buddy...
You are not alone at all... no need to feel embarrassed and no need to feel like the only one...
My family I felt always used to belittle me... push me down... all the time... when my father's friends came over he would down talk me and make fun of me... hell he would do it anyway... it made me hate my family and made me hate my home... I used to say "this house is not a home".
I never felt "welcomed" in a way...
Please bare in mind this is just me - and everyone's situation whether they agree with me or not - everybody's situation in life is 100% unique.
I ultimately love my family but that doesn't mean there is some serious anger, problems and hatred under the hood... instead of your daughter making you her punching bag... I was my family's punching bag... always been pissed on...
I was always (and still do to a large extent) seen as the "black sheep" or the "fool"... because they had nothing better to do with themselves...
The anger and pain I have is huge... maybe to the casual admirer it is nothing... but from my point of view it is extreme... I truly believe if I had been born in a calmer and quieter household I would be ruling the world right now. I kid you not. I am quite gifted. Not "incredible" or "the chosen one" but I do feel I should be further ahead in life.
If I had been born with less ugly people I would be a lot more successful than I am now... this is a fact I do know this... I did not have the most loving household...
I HATED being the family punching bag... but it was what happened and such is life...
This was when I realised that I won't get any better unless I get away from all this garbage.
I am (generally or most of the time) quite a nice guy... I don't like confrontation... I don't like arguments... because I know they all lead to the same thing... - unhappiness
I have already been living in my own home for the last few months and the results I have been feeling are absolutely incredible ...
I must have been born an "old soul" because I feel much better when I am alone.
I hope your daughter doesn't feel the same way... I hope she doesn't end up like I did... but to me yours looks very different.
I gave up on ugly people a very long time ago.
If I keep doing well like this in life my family will struggle to find one day - and yes it's their fault not mine.
I tried I really did.
but isolation... its beauuuutiful.... so beautiful to be alone
to just sit and smile and watch the birds cheering... watch them beating each other up and chirping all day long... it's lovely... no people screaming at me... no one insulting me...
Try this with your family - get everyone to sit down in a room or go to the local park - or anywhere out doors that is quiet... and just sit there and not say anything and just enjoy the moment...
Give it a try... what have you got to lose?
Don't feel alone buddy... mine was much worse... I would run away for days on end sleeping in the middle of no where (in insane South Africa) just so I could get some peace and quiet from this insane world... my family life was ****ing hectic sometimes... this world is ****ing hectic...
Take a deep breath.... slooowly in.... and slooowly out...
Please note this is NOT a joke.... I am serious... it's because I care... I know how shitty life can get... breath in and out... slooowly..... and try to enjoy the moment and no one can take away this beautiful moment from you...
I had serious problems with my family LV426... you are not alone buddy...
You are not alone at all... no need to feel embarrassed and no need to feel like the only one...
My family I felt always used to belittle me... push me down... all the time... when my father's friends came over he would down talk me and make fun of me... hell he would do it anyway... it made me hate my family and made me hate my home... I used to say "this house is not a home".
I never felt "welcomed" in a way...
Please bare in mind this is just me - and everyone's situation whether they agree with me or not - everybody's situation in life is 100% unique.
I ultimately love my family but that doesn't mean there is some serious anger, problems and hatred under the hood... instead of your daughter making you her punching bag... I was my family's punching bag... always been pissed on...
I was always (and still do to a large extent) seen as the "black sheep" or the "fool"... because they had nothing better to do with themselves...
The anger and pain I have is huge... maybe to the casual admirer it is nothing... but from my point of view it is extreme... I truly believe if I had been born in a calmer and quieter household I would be ruling the world right now. I kid you not. I am quite gifted. Not "incredible" or "the chosen one" but I do feel I should be further ahead in life.
If I had been born with less ugly people I would be a lot more successful than I am now... this is a fact I do know this... I did not have the most loving household...
I HATED being the family punching bag... but it was what happened and such is life...
This was when I realised that I won't get any better unless I get away from all this garbage.
I am (generally or most of the time) quite a nice guy... I don't like confrontation... I don't like arguments... because I know they all lead to the same thing... - unhappiness
I have already been living in my own home for the last few months and the results I have been feeling are absolutely incredible ...
I must have been born an "old soul" because I feel much better when I am alone.
I hope your daughter doesn't feel the same way... I hope she doesn't end up like I did... but to me yours looks very different.
I gave up on ugly people a very long time ago.
If I keep doing well like this in life my family will struggle to find one day - and yes it's their fault not mine.
I tried I really did.
but isolation... its beauuuutiful.... so beautiful to be alone
to just sit and smile and watch the birds cheering... watch them beating each other up and chirping all day long... it's lovely... no people screaming at me... no one insulting me...
Try this with your family - get everyone to sit down in a room or go to the local park - or anywhere out doors that is quiet... and just sit there and not say anything and just enjoy the moment...
Give it a try... what have you got to lose?
Don't feel alone buddy... mine was much worse... I would run away for days on end sleeping in the middle of no where (in insane South Africa) just so I could get some peace and quiet from this insane world... my family life was ****ing hectic sometimes... this world is ****ing hectic...
Take a deep breath.... slooowly in.... and slooowly out...
Please note this is NOT a joke.... I am serious... it's because I care... I know how shitty life can get... breath in and out... slooowly..... and try to enjoy the moment and no one can take away this beautiful moment from you...
M
Member243850
Guest
past... let it go... breath.....
my childhood was not that great either...
you have a chance to be better... learn from the experience.
you can create your own better family.
Yeah it will take a while to let it go as they caused a lot of problems in my life...
But yes it is in the past... but it could have been much better but such is life
I have got a chance to be much better yes... I just feel for him in a way. Best to avoid something that could get very hectic...
I agree breath... breath it's exactly what I meant
That's what I said
D
Deleted User
Guest
Wow thread resurrection strikes again!
An interesting development in this story is that we've now withdrawn our daughter from the school system for the coming year. Seems like a radical step doesn't it? But we realised that school was a major cause of her anxiety, and she really does not relate to her peers at all. Since we did that, she's been a lot happier. I really believe that the standard school education isn't right for everyone.
Our plan is to enrol her into a further education college, which takes kids who have been home educated, and allows them to take mainstream exam courses. This college is a much more mature environment than normal secondary school, and we think she'll thrive there, and be much happier.
Another thing is, we've decided to get a family dog. Not only will this be a good companion for her, dogs and cats have been proven to reduce stress levels.
An interesting development in this story is that we've now withdrawn our daughter from the school system for the coming year. Seems like a radical step doesn't it? But we realised that school was a major cause of her anxiety, and she really does not relate to her peers at all. Since we did that, she's been a lot happier. I really believe that the standard school education isn't right for everyone.
Our plan is to enrol her into a further education college, which takes kids who have been home educated, and allows them to take mainstream exam courses. This college is a much more mature environment than normal secondary school, and we think she'll thrive there, and be much happier.
Another thing is, we've decided to get a family dog. Not only will this be a good companion for her, dogs and cats have been proven to reduce stress levels.
K
Kaat72
Guest
Wise steps, LV. Well done.
M
Member243850
Guest
I am glad it came right!
I felt normal school wasn't for me either lots of jerks around that thought they had more power than the entire universe combined! xD
(Psst! Just fort he record I didn't resurrect it!
)I didn't do any resurrection just saw people chatting and decided to add my 0.000000002 cents
D
Deleted User
Guest
It's good to talk. Yes school can be a very difficult time for many kids. And young girls in particular can be pretty heartless and insensitive, when it comes to understanding and accepting people who are different from the 'norm'.
M
Member243850
Guest
This is so true!
I had huge problems at school .... simply put I just didn't fit in!
I hated all the arrogant ****s at school... and I was right about so many things...
But I am glad I didn't fit in... because I know I am a much better person and have have had much better experiences
Attachments
This is so true!
I had huge problems at school .... simply put I just didn't fit in!
I hated all the arrogant ****s at school... and I was right about so many things...
But I am glad I didn't fit in... because I know I am a much better person and have have had much better experiences
I was exactly the same....and now I'm a middle school teacher.
...although I should add, I would not want to be a teacher in my own country...UK.
D
Deleted User
Guest
Individualism is great, but being alienated with no friends can be a horrible place to be. Especially if you want to be liked and accepted.
I think some of the things said by kids to their classmates is very damaging. If I was a teacher I'd be looking out for that kind of behaviour - systematic verbal bullying. But nothing is done. Therefore I'm taking the initiative, and doing what's best for my child.
I think some of the things said by kids to their classmates is very damaging. If I was a teacher I'd be looking out for that kind of behaviour - systematic verbal bullying. But nothing is done. Therefore I'm taking the initiative, and doing what's best for my child.
M
Member243850
Guest
In this strange society today that seems to have so many ridiculous labels and ugly people in it... I think of the hardest "jobs" in this world is just simply existing! ... people will STILL find a way to piss on you even if you just exist! Hell they have nothing better to do with themselves instead of giving someone else a hard time!
It's not just teenagers it's everywhere but there are so many ways to skin a cat!
But let's try to imagine how awesome things could be!
