• After 15+ years, we've made a big change: Android Forums is now Early Bird Club. Learn more here.

Tell me a joke...

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, "Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me - you do not want that parrot!"

She said, "I can teach it good manners."

But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.

She took it out and said, "Did you learn your lesson?" It said another bad word so she put it back in for 30 seconds. She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet.

The parrot said "Brr... Yes, I learned my lesson, but, what did the chicken do?"
 
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,

“I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage… and that much misery is enough!”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son yells.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old dad explained. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!”.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, “You are not getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, you hear me?” she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay”, he says, “it’s all set. They’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare.”
 
z-memes-6-7.jpeg
 
I thought the kitty swam even better in her bowl,
I thought the monkey like to swing in his bowling game off,
I thought the giraffe was too tall for bowling.
Turns out they make a seven ten split :)
 
That reminds me of a story my fishing buddy once told me. When he was little he was in the boat watching his father and grandpa fish. They had been on the lake quite a while without any luck. His dad said we only have one minnow left and it is looking sickly, lets call it a day. His grandpa said let's pour a little Jack Black in the minnow bucket and see if that will pep him up. Sure enough, with just a little Jack that minnow started dancing in the bucket. He baited up for one last cast and within a minute he had a bite. It had to be a lunker for it fought a long hard fight before it was reeled in close enough to net. To everyone's surprise, that minnow had latched onto the tail of a 12 pound catfish and wouldn't let go.
 
So the Pope is SUPER early for his flight.
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."
 
No one said it was easy being a jar of honey, even though the bees can sting you, pretending on what the honey can never expire,
and say if you ever look at the colors of the bees, on how yellow and black they can get too. It is impossible to laugh at the darkness and see the light.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom