I was thinking . . .
The other networks are like a super-hot chick that is really vain and superficial. She lures you in with her flashy good looks and glamorous phones (EVO, iPhone) but once you date her you find that she is empty inside and devoid of any coverage.
Verizon, OTOH, is like the fat, ugly chick who washes your clothes, keeps your house clean, gives you back massages, cooks you delicious home-cooked meals and makes sure you never go hungry for 3g coverage. She also tells you to save some space for the rich LTE-flavored 4g pie she made you for dessert. You just have to put a paper bag over her Droid Eris face until you can save up enough money for an Incredible make-over.
Love it.
But the when I save up enough money for the Incredible Make-over, all my friends are having threesomes with their new iphone app that allows dual lines. And their new 4g iphone.