All right, so I grabbed a tummy pillow and waddled into Verizon. I do know how to pregnancy waddle, after all. I started very early signs of labor. I yelled "Is there a doctor in the house?" Verizon reps ended up scurrying from whatever they were doing to come see. One of them asked me what was wrong. I grabbed his arm and looked him in the eyes. "I'm having a baby." He got a terrified look on his face. "I'll call an ambulance!" I grabbed his arm in a death grip and growled out. "There's no time, you idiot. I am having this baby now!" The other reps are looking at each other panicked at this point. "Are you sure?!" Other reps were finding their voices now. I looked at the questioning person with as close to the fury of a woman in labor I could muster. "OF COURSE I'M SURE!! THIS AIN'T MY FIRST RODEO!!!" I screamed and doubled a little, my grasp tightened on the poor guy's arm. Hopefully I don't have a unique hand size, because this is gonna leave evidence. "What do we do? What do we do?!"
A panicked rep was litterally running in circles now. He ran by me and I grabbed his arm. "Stop panicking and stressing out the woman in labor!" He was white as a ghost. Another employee's eyes lit up like he got an idea. He ran to the back to get the manager. He and the manager emerged. The manager pauses is disbelief and fear for a moment then runs to me. "I was present at my wife's labor. Maybe I can help until the paramedics get here?" 'I'm screwed now' I think. I am going along with this labor bs when an idea of brilliance strikes me. "I'm a high risk pregnancy!" Fear has struck this man's face again while most the others have no idea what I am talking about. "Oh, no. Umm...Ummm....Don't panic!!" I made a show of almost fainting at this point. "Please, I don't want to lose this baby and I can't leave my husband and 2 year old. They need me!!!" The manager stammers while people are panicking. The assistant manager looks at his boss, "I think you should pull *it* out, Stan."
"But, Richard. It is still a secret."
"It may be their only hope, Stan! Screw corporate and all their secrets!" Stan thinks for a minute and I scream again, begging for help. Stan nods and runs to the back. He emerges with a box. As he is running back to me he is ripping the box open. He holds a phone up and there are stares and murmurs from all the employees. "A phone?!" I shout in anger. "How the heck is that supposed to help?!" He powers it on. Wow, I have never seen a smartphone power on and be ready for use so fast! I am having to try hard not to drool over the phone. He quickly downloads an app. By quickly, I mean almost instantly. Boy, do I need this phone. He puts the phone on the ground and it transforms!!!
Yes, it transforms into a robot. It makes it's way closer and I grab it and take off running. It struggles until I tell it "Stop. I am taking you to people who will worship you as the true piece of amazing machinery you are." It then stopped fighting. The VZW people were hot on my heals. The phone downloaded another app. I got a quick glance at the name. The ScarFace app. There were gunshots. A lot of them. It took a long time. More VZW employees kept coming out of no where. In red shirts, suits, black cars. The phone downloaded another app. A Harry Potter app. Next thing I know, a cloak of invisibility is around us. We made our escape. I got to a safe place to stop and used it to come here and let you all know where the meeting point is.
If you thought this was real, there is no hope for you. I hope to have provided a laugh or two.
Brava!