"One Liners" thread

[Member243850]

"Curiosity didn't always kill the cat - in fact curiosity tried to cure the cat of cancer, invented the wheel and broke the sound barrier!"

- By the Great , the incredible, unparalleled, unbeatable, all knowing, all loving, absolute victory - the omniscient - the Great Stinky Stinky!

HAHA lol!

 

[The_Chief]

"I have always maintained that if necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the father." - The_Chief

 

[lunatic59]

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas ... because they fit!

 

[Deleted User]

Actions speak louder than words. But inaction speaks loudest.

 

[psionandy]

Falling out with my yoga instructor has left me in an awkward position.

 

[shalemail]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Ones really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[shalemail]

Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Velcro. What a rip-off.

 

[Milo Willamson]

My camel run to the nearest watering hole.

 

[shalemail]

Djinn and gin are pronounced the same, and they are both spirits in a bottle.

 

[lunatic59]

Farmer to a travelling salesman: Before you go any farther, I have to tell you that I don't have a daughter.

 

[Deleted User]

Next time you're under pressure or stress, think of this:

"Nothing matters very much and few things matter at all" - Arthur Balfour

 

[shalemail]

I was going to tell a time travel joke. But you didn't like it.

 

[shalemail]

Google MUST be a woman, it never lets me finish a sentence before it's giving suggestions.

 

[Zigman66]

I know I married Ms. Right but I had no idea her first name was Always.

 

[Zigman66]

I spent all morning chasing a crazy ewe to try to get her wool. It was sheer madness!

 

[Zigman66]

I am now at that age where an all-nighter means I didn't have to get up to go pee

 

[Zigman66]

Scientists have now discovered there are nearly twice as many eyebrows as people in the world

 

[shalemail]

It's funny how red white and blue are the colors of freedom, unless they are flashing lights in your rear view mirror.

 

[Zigman66]

Last time I got pulled over I asked if he was giving me a ticket to the policeman's ball to which he replied "Policemen don't have balls".

 

[Zigman66]

Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply

 

[shalemail]

We live in a world where lemonade has artificial flavors but cleaning supplies use real lemon.

 

[Zigman66]

Do witches use a spell checker?

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Why do people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

 

[Zigman66]

5 out of 4 people have trouble with statistics