"One Liners" thread

[Unforgiven]

Revenge is a dish best served with laxatives

It's even better if you can load it up with a few ghost peppers.

 

[Milo Willamson]

"Speaking of peppers, the green one really was envy."

 

[KBU2]

Does Brokeback Mountain ring a bell?

 

[shalemail]

People watch their dogs chase their tail and think ... "wow, dogs are easily entertained" never thinking that they just watched their dog chase it's tail.

 

[Milo Willamson]

People always assumed I am human, false I am two sharks in a trenchcoat.
I need water

 

[Zigman66]

My wife told me I am immature so I told her to get out of my fort

 

[gcinashan]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?


 

[Zigman66]

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high......she looked surprised

 

[psionandy]

Freudian slips can happen even to the breast of us.

 

[Unforgiven]

Never enter an arm wrestling bet against a guy that has been single for more than 6 months.

 

[Zigman66]

I have mixed drinks about feelings

 

[psionandy]

I just ordered an egg and a chicken from Amazon, I'll let you know.....

 

[Milo Willamson]

I just ordered an egg and a chicken from Amazon, I'll let you know.....

I ordered a butcher and knife on Amazon..

 

[Shotgun84]

But then I thought surely they're not a butcher if they didn't bring their own knife.

 

[olbriar]

My favorite Groucho:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Eat chicken and watermelon.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Tactical sporks make great gifts.
@dontpanicbobby

 

[bcrichster]

Tactical sporks make great gifts.
@dontpanicbobby

Spork Nation!!

 

[Steven58]

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin

 

[Steven58]

When there's a will, there's a relative.

 

[KBU2]

I met this beautiful chick and she said come by my house because nobody will be there. I went by her house and nobody was there.

 

[dan330]

I can never find the time to procrastinate

it is always the right time

 

[lunatic59]

My doctor suggested I switch to decaf, so I made an appointment with Dr. DeCaff. We met for coffee.

 

[KBU2]

My doctor suggested I switch to decaf, so I made an appointment with Dr. DeCaff. We met for coffee.

I presume because doctor caffeinated didn't do the job lol

 

[olbriar]

My doctor advised me to never quit smoking.... coughing was the only exercise I was getting.