D
Deleted User
Guest
Thread starter
Just to respond to your questions Stinky..
Well me and the Mrs are not exactly on the same page when it comes to parenting strategies. Believe me I care a lot about my kids and would do anything for them, but I have a more laid back approach. Mrs is over-protective to the point of paranoia. Honestly some of the things she gets hung up about are quite extreme. She denies this, and gets upset when I point it out, but other people I've spoken to agree with me. I've given up raising the issue because I've learned it's not worth the hassle.
The other thing is, I get much less contact with the kids because I work, and the Mrs is a full time stay at home Mum. This means the kids (particularly eldest) naturally go to her, rather than me, for help/comfort etc. Also she has assumed the disciplinary role. If I try to discipline the kids, it will often be followed by Mrs stepping in to defend them. Can you see how this immediately undermines my authority, and reduces my credibility to zero? This has got so annoying to me that I've now given up all responsibility for discipline, unless it's obviously necessary. All squabbles are handled by Mrs, because I "do it in the wrong way".
And what really saddens me, is that Mrs once said she does not trust me to look after the kids on my own! How would you feel if your partner felt they could not leave the kids with you because they were afraid of some nasty accident occurring?
So a bit more about my daughter - she is high achieving academically, but has borderline autistic tendencies - obsessive compulsive behaviour, perfectionism, social anxiety. She doesn't really have any school friends. We're in the process of getting a formal diagnosis. This, combined with her age is not helping.
My theory (and I'm no psychotherapy expert) is that in some ways my daughter likes to be a victim. What I mean by that is she deliberately pushes my buttons to provoke me into some angry behaviour. Then she will talk to my wife about how upset I made her. Wife is obviously very sympathetic. Anyway, I think daughter bottles up a lot of her frustrations, and it comes towards me. Once I realised about the 'button pushing' behaviour to get a reaction, I stopped myself and just ignore it, which has helped the situation.
Anyway thank you for your interest, and it actually helps me to put these thoughts down. I really have nobody else to turn to with these issues, as discussions with Mrs are futile, and I don't want to worry my parents.
I'm painting a bleak picture, but things probably aren't as bad as it seems. Things kind of came to a head this weekend, but we're all friends now. We're going away to the seaside this weekend.
Well me and the Mrs are not exactly on the same page when it comes to parenting strategies. Believe me I care a lot about my kids and would do anything for them, but I have a more laid back approach. Mrs is over-protective to the point of paranoia. Honestly some of the things she gets hung up about are quite extreme. She denies this, and gets upset when I point it out, but other people I've spoken to agree with me. I've given up raising the issue because I've learned it's not worth the hassle.
The other thing is, I get much less contact with the kids because I work, and the Mrs is a full time stay at home Mum. This means the kids (particularly eldest) naturally go to her, rather than me, for help/comfort etc. Also she has assumed the disciplinary role. If I try to discipline the kids, it will often be followed by Mrs stepping in to defend them. Can you see how this immediately undermines my authority, and reduces my credibility to zero? This has got so annoying to me that I've now given up all responsibility for discipline, unless it's obviously necessary. All squabbles are handled by Mrs, because I "do it in the wrong way".
And what really saddens me, is that Mrs once said she does not trust me to look after the kids on my own! How would you feel if your partner felt they could not leave the kids with you because they were afraid of some nasty accident occurring?
So a bit more about my daughter - she is high achieving academically, but has borderline autistic tendencies - obsessive compulsive behaviour, perfectionism, social anxiety. She doesn't really have any school friends. We're in the process of getting a formal diagnosis. This, combined with her age is not helping.
My theory (and I'm no psychotherapy expert) is that in some ways my daughter likes to be a victim. What I mean by that is she deliberately pushes my buttons to provoke me into some angry behaviour. Then she will talk to my wife about how upset I made her. Wife is obviously very sympathetic. Anyway, I think daughter bottles up a lot of her frustrations, and it comes towards me. Once I realised about the 'button pushing' behaviour to get a reaction, I stopped myself and just ignore it, which has helped the situation.
Anyway thank you for your interest, and it actually helps me to put these thoughts down. I really have nobody else to turn to with these issues, as discussions with Mrs are futile, and I don't want to worry my parents.
I'm painting a bleak picture, but things probably aren't as bad as it seems. Things kind of came to a head this weekend, but we're all friends now. We're going away to the seaside this weekend.
Upvote
0