The Punny Side of Life

[Dngrsone]

Okay; this one requires a little background...

This is many years ago. Names have been removed to protect the guilty.

So my friend and I were trying to teach this new guy how to do a certain test on the aircraft. It requires the technician to adjust a sensor to a certain point where an alarm goes off, and then you measure the breakover point. The guy under instruction just wasn't getting it-- he kept overshooting the mark and we'd have to back up and start over, and my friend was really starting to get frustrated.

After the eighteenth try (some forty minutes later), he's trying to be patient, but I could tell what my friend was thinking: this guy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic or something. Anyway, my friend tells him, "You're still going too fast. You need to sneak up on it... like a ham sandwich."

I hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud.

Later in the shop, I was like, "Sneak up on it, like a ham sandwich." He just started laughing...

"Dude, I didn't mean to say that out loud. I was thinking that this guy couldn't sneak up on a ham sandwich and it just sorta came out!"

Later on, I slipped a note into my friend's tool box:

How do you sneak up on a ham sandwich?
You wear Freudian slippers!

He feels the need to repeat that story every couple years.

 

[shalemail]

 

[shalemail]

Spoiler: Kinda gross - you were warned

 

[Dngrsone]

Ouch.

While you're BSin' when I was much younger that am now, I was stabbed in the foot with a spade fork (a kind of pitchfork with thick blades).

The doctor seriously thought he'd have to amputate my left big toe. Luckily, that didn't happen. When he later told me his fear, I said, "it's a good thing you didn't, because I am lack-toes intolerant."

Took him a couple moments, and then I thought he was going to hit me before he started laughing.

 

[krokus]

This might be too twisted for some people.

 

[lunatic59]

 

[codesplice]

 

[bcrichster]

 

[shalemail]

Christmas puns? Maybe.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

1, 4 and 5 were best but TMI. Pick one and stick with it.

 

[shalemail]

Pick one? I had no idea there were rules. Been slow lately, trying to put something up. I have nothing else to contribute save for a little (very little sometimes) humor.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Rule of thumb...

Don't fire all your ammunition in one volley.

 

[shalemail]

Rule of thumb...

Don't fire all your ammunition in one volley.

All my ammunition, aren't you cute? There's a wonderful wide world of stupid called the internet. I have endless ammunition.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

But does it blend?

I need to find some new puns...
Bottle in front of me is way too old hat.

 

[shalemail]

@rootabaga naa puns about board games leave me flat.

 

[shalemail]

Are you saying you're part of a splinter group?

If I did admit to such a thing would I have to walk the plank?
If you had a grain of sense you'd move on from this. I for one, am board.

 

[lunatic59]

Jeez, guys. I thought this was a poplar thread. Now it leaves me pining for reruns of woody woodpecker or a Spruce Bringstein concert.

 

[shalemail]

Jeez, guys. I thought this was a poplar thread. Now it leaves me pining for reruns of woody woodpecker or a Spruce Bringstein concert.

Well once you leaf we'll branch out.

 

[lunatic59]

And that is the root of the problem.

Or, maybe I'm just a son-of-a-birch.

 

[Clementine_3]

Wood you guys please stay on coarse?

 

[olbriar]

But that wood knot be any fun fir anyone. It spruces up the thread so walnut join in the fun. Don't be a sap or an ash, willow you join us?

 

[Clementine_3]

You bet your dovetail I'll joint you! I'll root through the posts and see if anything sprouts up.

 

[lunatic59]

Aren't we all sycamore of this yet?

 

[olbriar]

Nothing that a couple of aspen and some time on the beech wouldn't fix. I love this thread... of course I lilac no other.

 

[Clementine_3]

Router wrong but I think you're all grinding at the bit here.