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The (Official?) “I’m Married” Thread
- Thread starter rootabaga
- Start date
He'll find out who's entitled when he gets The Great Cut-off...
(No reference to Lorena Bobbitt intended)
(No reference to Lorena Bobbitt intended)
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
Find the wife...
My father said of my mother "She is not always right but she is never wrong"
He also informed me once that neither he or I was boss at home. He pointed out that he was at least sleeping with the boss.
He also informed me once that neither he or I was boss at home. He pointed out that he was at least sleeping with the boss.
BrickHouse
Android Expert
My father said of my mother "She is not always right but she is never wrong"
He also informed me once that neither he or I was boss at home. He pointed out that he was at least sleeping with the boss.
A friend of mine told me "he's the one that wears the pants in his household" ... "Just ask my wife, she let's me."
I've learned a few lessons over the last 34 years of marriage that may help the more newlywed husband in his quest for a happy, successful marriage:
What's hers is hers... and what's yours is hers.
Memorize this phrase and use it daily: "Sorry, Honey, I was wrong." Even if you're right, admit you're wrong!
You thought were marrying for lots of sex... and you did. If you get carpal tunnel syndrome, however, seek medical help immediately.
Learn reflexology and how to administer a world-class foot massage for her. Good back scratches are a massive plus in your favor, as is serving her coffee in bed in the morning.
Women are urged to conduct a monthly breast self-exam, with the little lines and circles, to find anything new or abnormal in there. Learn how to do it for her. Memorize the complex internal structure of her sweater puppies right after a clear mammogram; then make it at least a monthly ritual of checking them for her. You have an interest in keeping those beauties healthy: and it's incredibly erotic for her.
Never treat her as beneath you: treat her as the Queen of your Life and the Center of your World. Never let anyone speak critically of her. You are her knight, so defend her: fight her battles and slay her dragons.
As a plus, learn how her phone, TV, computer and the Wi-Fi work and she'll keep you around forever.
If you have small kids and a fenced-in backyard, and need a little "Mommy-Daddy Time", let the kids watch you open a roll of nickels and throw them into the yard. Tell them they have to find all twenty nickels before bothering you... and whatever they find, they keep. Then RUN to the bedroom.
Don't sweat the petty stuff: pet the sweaty stuff. (a female Navy officer gave me that tip)
What's hers is hers... and what's yours is hers.
Memorize this phrase and use it daily: "Sorry, Honey, I was wrong." Even if you're right, admit you're wrong!
You thought were marrying for lots of sex... and you did. If you get carpal tunnel syndrome, however, seek medical help immediately.
Learn reflexology and how to administer a world-class foot massage for her. Good back scratches are a massive plus in your favor, as is serving her coffee in bed in the morning.
Women are urged to conduct a monthly breast self-exam, with the little lines and circles, to find anything new or abnormal in there. Learn how to do it for her. Memorize the complex internal structure of her sweater puppies right after a clear mammogram; then make it at least a monthly ritual of checking them for her. You have an interest in keeping those beauties healthy: and it's incredibly erotic for her.
Never treat her as beneath you: treat her as the Queen of your Life and the Center of your World. Never let anyone speak critically of her. You are her knight, so defend her: fight her battles and slay her dragons.
As a plus, learn how her phone, TV, computer and the Wi-Fi work and she'll keep you around forever.
If you have small kids and a fenced-in backyard, and need a little "Mommy-Daddy Time", let the kids watch you open a roll of nickels and throw them into the yard. Tell them they have to find all twenty nickels before bothering you... and whatever they find, they keep. Then RUN to the bedroom.
Don't sweat the petty stuff: pet the sweaty stuff. (a female Navy officer gave me that tip)
rootabaga
Android Expert
Reading through that reminded me of this clip…I've learned a few lessons over the last 34 years of marriage that may help the more newlywed husband in his quest for a happy, successful marriage:
What's hers is hers... and what's yours is hers.
Memorize this phrase and use it daily: "Sorry, Honey, I was wrong." Even if you're right, admit you're wrong!
You thought were marrying for lots of sex... and you did. If you get carpal tunnel syndrome, however, seek medical help immediately.
Learn reflexology and how to administer a world-class foot massage for her. Good back scratches are a massive plus in your favor, as is serving her coffee in bed in the morning.
Women are urged to conduct a monthly breast self-exam, with the little lines and circles, to find anything new or abnormal in there. Learn how to do it for her. Memorize the complex internal structure of her sweater puppies right after a clear mammogram; then make it at least a monthly ritual of checking them for her. You have an interest in keeping those beauties healthy: and it's incredibly erotic for her.
Never treat her as beneath you: treat her as the Queen of your Life and the Center of your World. Never let anyone speak critically of her. You are her knight, so defend her: fight her battles and slay her dragons.
As a plus, learn how her phone, TV, computer and the Wi-Fi work and she'll keep you around forever.
If you have small kids and a fenced-in backyard, and need a little "Mommy-Daddy Time", let the kids watch you open a roll of nickels and throw them into the yard. Tell them they have to find all twenty nickels before bothering you... and whatever they find, they keep. Then RUN to the bedroom.
Don't sweat the petty stuff: pet the sweaty stuff. (a female Navy officer gave me that tip)
BrickHouse
Android Expert
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
rootabaga
Android Expert
You know the game “Twenty Questions?” That originated in marriage…when the husband is leaving the house (for a reason the wife already knows and has consented to), the wife must pepper him with questions of all kinds, not necessarily related to the reason for his going out, and if she manages to get to twenty, she wins.
And if her questions make him more than five minutes late, she gets a bonus!
(However, the nature of what she wins and what the bonus might be remains forever shrouded in mystery…)
And if her questions make him more than five minutes late, she gets a bonus!
(However, the nature of what she wins and what the bonus might be remains forever shrouded in mystery…)
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
Sounds about right
And then, your honor, I woke up in the hospital...
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
IHateMyTreo
Android Expert
