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it asks me if I want disk drive or charge only etc...it's randomly stopped doing that now and I already set it to do so in the settings. Why is this happening?
What have you "set it to do in the settings"? To get the connection menu to appear again you'll have to "clear defaults" on (iirc) HTC Sync in Settings/Applications/Application Management.
We can stop it but cannot find the option to clear defaults.