What are you the most scared/saddened by?

[lunatic59]

I am frightened by fear and saddened by sadness.

Anything can trigger an emotion. Last year an insect damaged tree fell and took out our back porch while we were in the house. This past winter during an ice storm a perfectly healthy tree was uprooted and fell just missing our kitchen. This spring I had an 80ft tulip poplar cut down because I was afraid of it. If it had fallen, it would have destroyed at least two rooms and the garage.

A few weeks ago a hawk chased a black bird into a plate glass window in our family room and the impact was so great, the bird was killed. That saddened me more than the daily news reports of mayhem, pestilence and disaster.

 

[Outlaw71]

Who died, the hawk or the blackbird? If the hawk died, I'd be sad too.

If the blackbird died..... meh

 

[lunatic59]

Who died, the hawk or the blackbird? If the hawk died, I'd be sad too.

If the blackbird died..... meh

I live along a hawk migratory path and twice a year the hawks in the trees behind the house are magnificent. I have spent many an afternoon watching them pluck birds from the sky and bunnies from the grass and constantly find bits and pieces of said prey all over the place (which is why I generally don't walk barefoot in the grass in the fall ... nothing like a rabbit's spleen squishing between your toes). Blackbirds, on the other hand are pigeons with anger issues. They are nasty useless birds, but nonetheless, it was the blackbird that died.

My point was that emotions like sadness and fear can be triggered by anything.

 

[Vihzel]

The fuzz on peaches

Funniest thing so far today.

 

[Outlaw71]

Death scares me...it's the one thing that could really upset me and make me go mad thinking about it. It's a deep rooted "thing" I have had since being very young and it's worse since I have had my kids, and I try not to think about it cos if I do I lie there and get so worked up and it can make me have a panic attack thinking of it.
I think it's cos no1 can do jackshit about it, its GOING to happen, and its the "forever and ever amen" bit, if I can't sleep it will come to me the idea that THIS, everything I have, my family, my life, one day I'll just not be here, and its not just for a day or week, it's the idea of eternity....
God it makes me sick thinking of it...

I can remember when I was in my mid teens, and I finally became aware of the fact that one day I would die. And the thought of that happening really disturbed me to the point that I would have mild panic attacks. It got to the point that I almost wished I'd never been born because I was so scared of the day my heart would stop and the agony I imagined laying there while the life literally evaporated from my body must be like. I was truly tortured over it.

It was a long time, like maybe close to a year or so later, that 1 thought really made a big difference and took a huge load off of my back... and that was that every single living person that has ever stepped foot on this earth or ever will, is in exactly the same shoes as I am. Everyone I've ever looked up to and admired, every great historical figure, we all have 80 or 90 years to play with, and then the gig is up, period. And I figured so long as everyone else is heading for the same destination, I might as well just enjoy the ride instead of letting one 5 minute experience ruin every other minute of my life. When it comes, it comes.


Two more memoral things brought me even deeper peace. The first was a conversation I had with my 80 year old grandmother. I asked her i she were afraid of dying and she repied, "oh goodness no, I've had a wonderful life. A full, rich, satisfying life and I have no regrets at all. So when the good lord wants to take me away, I'm ready". And I could tell she was so sincere about her words that it made me feel that if I made it to be 80 years old, that I too would be so satisfied with my life that I would no longer fear death either. I'm probably wrong, buy that gave me the impression that all old people are comfortable with the thought of dying.

The other defining moment was when the day I found out I had cancer at age 35. When I found out I had lymphoma I only had one other experience with lymphoma, and that was when my grandmother (the other one) had been diagnosed with Burkets lymphoma, and was dead 3 months after her diagnosis. So for two weeks while I was waiting for the biopcy to come back telling me what stage it was in and everything, I was thinking I had a few months to live.

Well when it came back they told me it was Hodgkin's lymphoma and it was in stage one. I also had Squamous Cell cancer on my vocal chords, and it was also stage 1. That was great news! 12 weeks of chemo & 6 weeks of radiation later and I was proclaimed cancer free!

But once you've come to terms with your own death like I had in those two weeks, you're never the same. Every day from then on is a gift. You become so much more aware of things you'd taken for granted previously. You appreciate people, places and things like never before. And you (well, I) no longer worry about meaningless fears like dying.

I say meaningless because worrying about it does nothing to change the inevitable.

 

[NightAngel79]

^wow, that is deep. Thank you for sharing that, truly.
Helps put things in perspective (well for me, I'm 32)

Glad to hear all is good now. How long ago was that if you don't mind me asking.

 

[keatingschick]

I can remember when I was in my mid teens, and I finally became aware of the fact that one day I would die. And the thought of that happening really disturbed me to the point that I would have mild panic attacks. It got to the point that I almost wished I'd never been born because I was so scared of the day my heart would stop and the agony I imagined laying there while the life literally evaporated from my body must be like. I was truly tortured over it.

It was a long time, like maybe close to a year or so later, that 1 thought really made a big difference and took a huge load off of my back... and that was that every single living person that has ever stepped foot on this earth or ever will, is in exactly the same shoes as I am. Everyone I've ever looked up to and admired, every great historical figure, we all have 80 or 90 years to play with, and then the gig is up, period. And I figured so long as everyone else is heading for the same destination, I might as well just enjoy the ride instead of letting one 5 minute experience ruin every other minute of my life. When it comes, it comes.


Two more memoral things brought me even deeper peace. The first was a conversation I had with my 80 year old grandmother. I asked her i she were afraid of dying and she repied, "oh goodness no, I've had a wonderful life. A full, rich, satisfying life and I have no regrets at all. So when the good lord wants to take me away, I'm ready". And I could tell she was so sincere about her words that it made me feel that if I made it to be 80 years old, that I too would be so satisfied with my life that I would no longer fear death either. I'm probably wrong, buy that gave me the impression that all old people are comfortable with the thought of dying.

The other defining moment was when the day I found out I had cancer at age 35. When I found out I had lymphoma I only had one other experience with lymphoma, and that was when my grandmother (the other one) had been diagnosed with Burkets lymphoma, and was dead 3 months after her diagnosis. So for two weeks while I was waiting for the biopcy to come back telling me what stage it was in and everything, I was thinking I had a few months to live.

Well when it came back they told me it was Hodgkin's lymphoma and it was in stage one. I also had Squamous Cell cancer on my vocal chords, and it was also stage 1. That was great news! 12 weeks of chemo & 6 weeks of radiation later and I was proclaimed cancer free!

But once you've come to terms with your own death like I had in those two weeks, you're never the same. Every day from then on is a gift. You become so much more aware of things you'd taken for granted previously. You appreciate people, places and things like never before. And you (well, I) no longer worry about meaningless fears like dying.

I say meaningless because worrying about it does nothing to change the inevitable.

I totally identify with how you describe how you felt at the beginning of the post, I also feel panic attacks when I think about it, and when I was under 7 I remember speaking to my mum and telling her I wish she hadnt had me so that I wouldnt have to die (not sure what triggered that).

And yes like you say everyone is heading in the same direction, and when I've spoken to say my husband about it, he says its going to happen so he just doesnt think about it.

I always think that - like you say with your grandmother that she was "ready", that I hope that I am a ripe old age and also feel that way, (maybe its the idea of it happening young and missing out on my children etc??)

I understand what you say re the cancer and how you HAVE to come to terms with it, and I am so glad that your treatment was successful. Just at the beginning of the year my husband was in intensive care and nearly died, and to be honest yes on the one hand it was a case of appreciating what you have, and not taking things for granted, but also the experience sort of re-awakened this DREAD that I have and not only that but, I thought he was going to die but once he pulled through and he was on the mend, maybe it was delayed shock because of what happened and the fact I sort of dealt with everything and kept my family going on auto-pilot but what I then started to have panic attacks about was that I didn't have to deal with his death then, but that I will at some point, and I kept having flashbacks to when he was ill and in intensive care and it really sent me on a major downer, and I'd go to bed at night and have to get up cos my brain would automatically start thinking about it again.

But I do try not to think about it and I don't dwell on it, I'd say really that I don't think about it, it's just maybe sometimes when you can't sleep....

It was just when the thread was asked....really thats the only thing I could say I am truely scared of.

 

[Outlaw71]

^wow, that is deep. Thank you for sharing that, truly.
Helps put things in perspective (well for me, I'm 32)

Glad to hear all is good now. How long ago was that if you don't mind me asking.

5 years ago this past February. I hear if you go 5 years without it coming back, then survival percentages go through the roof!

But I'm still a little leary, because like i said at age 35 I developed two completely separate and unrelated forms of cancer. And I didn't use tobacco products, didn't consume much alcohol at all, didn't do drugs, I ate right, had been working out at the gym for about 7 years and was in the best shape of my life... it made no sense! The only explanation I could come up with was that my body doesn't fight off cancer as well as other people's do.

So I never know when I might find out I have another cancer. I just have to enjoy all the days I have cancer free!

 

[keatingschick]

5 years ago this past February. I hear if you go 5 years without it coming back, then survival percentages go through the roof!

But I'm still a little leary, because like i said at age 35 I developed two completely separate and unrelated forms of cancer. And I didn't use tobacco products, didn't consume much alcohol at all, didn't do drugs, I ate right, had been working out at the gym for about 7 years and was in the needy best shape of my life... it made no sense! The only explanation I could come up with was that my body doesn't fight off cancer as well as other people's do.

So I never know when I might find out I have another cancer. I just have to enjoy all the days I have cancer free!

I think it's all down to immunity really isn't it, my daughter is type 1 insulin dependant diabetic and although they say it shouldnt affect her ammunity she catches everything going!! And it's weird really cos as a child she seemed to catch cold after cold so you'd think that she'd have built up an immunity.
You say re your fitness and thats a weird thing isn't it, you'd think that at such fitness your body would fight stuff, but the thing is, thats whats just been the big shocker with my husband. He is really the fittest he has ever been, in his early years yeah he drank and smoked and God only knows what else, but for the past 20+ years he maybe drinks in a week what alot of people drink in an hour now, and he doesnt smoke, he is black belt 4th dan kung fu, goes the gym 3 nights a week and really especially for his age is in pretty good shape. Just after Xmas we both started with a cold, which seemed to develop to flu, I picked up, he nose dived rapidly was admitted to hospital and quickly rushed to intensive care cos basically his body was shutting down (I didn't realise thats why he was freezing cold but said he was burning up), and a couple of hours longer at home he wouldnt have survived, turns out he had swine flu and pneumonia had set in and spent 14 days in ICU. It's been a long haul getting anywhere near back to what he was before, and no1 can believe what it did to him. He had to have physio to walk again, he had to walk with a stick when he came home, going upstairs or taking a shower he'd need to sit down for an hour after cos he was so weak. The thing was the hospital said the weird thing was, at the time obviously there were alot of swine flu cases and alot on life support etc at the hospital, couple of deaths etc, but the hospital said it was the younger fitter people it was affecting most for some reason.

But...onwards and upwards....glad you've been free for 5 years and hope you continue to stay that way

 

[Outlaw71]

You say re your fitness and thats a weird thing isn't it, you'd think that at such fitness your body would fight stuff...

Yeah that's pretty much what I thought. I've always been very resistant of sicknesses like colds, flu, strep throat, bronchitis, etc... at one point after I got out of the military I hadn't gotten sick the whole two years of my service, and I hadn't come down with anything what-so-ever for two years afterwards, and I was telling everyone who would listen that when you first enlist and they spend that first day giving you like 40 or 50 shots... I'd tell everyone that the military must make you immune to practically everything known to man so that you can't call in sick! The only thing that happened to me that entire 4 years was a spell of food poisoning my girlfriend and I both came down with after eating at a seafood joint.

So when I saw that lump in my neck like I said my whole world revolved around fitness. Going to the gym, eating right (or so I thought), drinking plenty of water... I felt like I could run straight through an M1 Abrams tank! So when I was going to the doctor I was SURE that it was some benign tumor or something that they may have to surgically remove. I never gave cancer the first thought, it honestly never crossed my mind. I mean seriously, nobody even said to me, "hey do you think it might be cancer", for it to even cross my mind.

The first time it was brought up at all was when the doctor said, "ok well I'm going to take some liquid out of it with a needle and send it off to the lab to rule out cancer. And when he said that I remember thinking to myself that if it hadn't all been covered by my insurance, I probably would have told them not to waste my money because there was zero chance that it would be cancer. I just was so sure that at my age, and my lifestyle, cancer would be the last thing entering my body. At that time I really only thought old people, and unfortunate little kids got cancer. Not healthy middle aged men in their prime.

Education is everything. I learned through this episode that my diet was like begging cancer to spread through my body. I was eating a super high protein diet to build lean muscle. And a lot of my workout drinks were high in sugar to load the creatine into my muscles cells easier. And cancer thrives in an environment of high protein and sugar. It's a recipe for getting cancer basically, and I cooked up two separate kinds at the exact same time.

So now I tell my son who's into fitness as well to load up on vegi's first, and keep protein down below 20% of your total intake. I would estimate protein at that time was upwards of 70 - 80% of my total intake. I was eating chicken for lunch and dinner, tuna for snacks, a protein shake when I woke up in the morning for breakfast, and another protein shake 30 minutes after my workout. I'd have maybe a little corn or some green beans with my chicken for dinner, but nothing but chicken for lunch and protein bars for snacks. I was building crazy amounts of muscle, but I had no clue back then that I was double dog daring cancer to walk on in and make itself comfortable in my body.

I'm sure your husband was as shocked when he got sick as I was when I did. Glad he pulled through. There were a couple of swine flu victims in our area over the past few years. One really sweet 14 year old girl in the town next to us died last summer from it. So sad!

 

[krouget]

I'm most saddened by people who lack empathy. I'm not an overly sensitive person, myself, but too much unnecessary conflict exist, because people simply do not recognize another person for who they are, what challenges and in what context they've faced, or how others can be different, but still acceptable people. This fundamental lack of understanding is obviously rather broad, but I feel it sums up my attitude on most conflict.

As to being scared, I don't really have many outright fears if you're talking about the unwarranted type. I don't like insects or spiders, but I don't really fear them, either. However, I've experienced honest fear when I was involved in a serious car accident, once. There was one point where I couldn't feel half of my body while going into shock, and it was at that point that I started to contemplate possible paralysis, and how life changing it could be. At that point, I must've covered a million scenarios and situations, and more than anything, I'd describe that as "scary". I ended up being very lucky, but it really shifted my life perspective.

 

[keatingschick]

Yeah that's pretty much what I thought. I've always been very resistant of sicknesses like colds, flu, strep throat, bronchitis, etc... at one point after I got out of the military I hadn't gotten sick the whole two years of my service, and I hadn't come down with anything what-so-ever for two years afterwards, and I was telling everyone who would listen that when you first enlist and they spend that first day giving you like 40 or 50 shots... I'd tell everyone that the military must make you immune to practically everything known to man so that you can't call in sick! The only thing that happened to me that entire 4 years was a spell of food poisoning my girlfriend and I both came down with after eating at a seafood joint.

So when I saw that lump in my neck like I said my whole world revolved around fitness. Going to the gym, eating right (or so I thought), drinking plenty of water... I felt like I could run straight through an M1 Abrams tank! So when I was going to the doctor I was SURE that it was some benign tumor or something that they may have to surgically remove. I never gave cancer the first thought, it honestly never crossed my mind. I mean seriously, nobody even said to me, "hey do you think it might be cancer", for it to even cross my mind.

The first time it was brought up at all was when the doctor said, "ok well I'm going to take some liquid out of it with a needle and send it off to the lab to rule out cancer. And when he said that I remember thinking to myself that if it hadn't all been covered by my insurance, I probably would have told them not to waste my money because there was zero chance that it would be cancer. I just was so sure that at my age, and my lifestyle, cancer would be the last thing entering my body. At that time I really only thought old people, and unfortunate little kids got cancer. Not healthy middle aged men in their prime.

Education is everything. I learned through this episode that my diet was like begging cancer to spread through my body. I was eating a super high protein diet to build lean muscle. And a lot of my workout drinks were high in sugar to load the creatine into my muscles cells easier. And cancer thrives in an environment of high protein and sugar. It's a recipe for getting cancer basically, and I cooked up two separate kinds at the exact same time.

So now I tell my son who's into fitness as well to load up on vegi's first, and keep protein down below 20% of your total intake. I would estimate protein at that time was upwards of 70 - 80% of my total intake. I was eating chicken for lunch and dinner, tuna for snacks, a protein shake when I woke up in the morning for breakfast, and another protein shake 30 minutes after my workout. I'd have maybe a little corn or some green beans with my chicken for dinner, but nothing but chicken for lunch and protein bars for snacks. I was building crazy amounts of muscle, but I had no clue back then that I was double dog daring cancer to walk on in and make itself comfortable in my body.

I'm sure your husband was as shocked when he got sick as I was when I did. Glad he pulled through. There were a couple of swine flu victims in our area over the past few years. One really sweet 14 year old girl in the town next to us died last summer from it. So sad!

I'm really shocked like you say that you eat what you consider a perfect diet for the training you do and its a perfect "breeding ground" for cancer. I know people who SERIOUSLY weight train and follow what they consider to be a perfect diet for what they are under the impression their body needs, and yet this could be like you say putting their body at such risk.

When you say re you being so immune to everything cos of military injections etc, but was it when you came out of the military that you found the cancer? Just wonder if maybe apart from all the shots you have etc, aren't you also exposed to so much that you build up immunity that maybe once you left the military that your immunity sort of erm....I dunno, went on a break? I just wonder cos I work with children and like you said I sometimes go "dya know I can't remember the last time I got sick/had a cold" and I think its because I am in contact with so many bugs and germs that my immune system must work overtime, but the minute I take time off I ALWAYS get sick!! And I wonder if its that my immune system takes a breather and then the germs creep in.

 

[Outlaw71]

No I got out of the military when I was 21 and didn't get cancer until I was 35. Once I had kids I started getting sick about once a year. So long as I'm not around kids I rarely get sick on my own. But when I'm around sick kids, they don't cover their mouths very well, they touch all sorts of things without washing their hands, and just generally don't know any better than to get everyone else around them sick as well. Plus you have to constantly care for them and be around them the whole time they are sick, so that pretty much dooms you to getting what ever they've got.

But yes I was following the advice of the trainers at my local gym, as well as what I read in many fitness magazines. It wasn't like they said not to eat any vegis, they just stressed getting a lot of protein. So I didn't want to waste any room in my appetite on anything other than muscle building protein. It was my doctor who told me that a high protein diet is what puts your body at risk of cancer. Balancing your diet with fruits, vegis, and protein is what keeps your immune system up.

You can look and feel like the most healthy person on the planet, but it means nothing as far as what's going on inside. Some of the most unhealthy people I know are those who are naturally skinny. They feel that since they don't gain weight no matter what they eat, they can eat junk food all day long and it doesn't matter. People who have to watch what they eat in order to stay in shape are usually much healthier because they pay attention to their diet.

From my experiences most people I know equate being thin to being healthy, and that isn't the case at all. Health depends on diet and genetics.

 

[keatingschick]

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No I got out of the military when I was 21 and didn't get cancer until I was 35. Once I had kids I started getting sick about once a year. So long as I'm not around kids I rarely get sick on my own. But when I'm around sick kids, they don't cover their mouths very well, they touch all sorts of things without washing their hands, and just generally don't know any better than to get everyone else around them sick as well. Plus you have to constantly care for them and be around them the whole time they are sick, so that pretty much dooms you to getting what ever they've got.

See thats the thing, thats my job, I work with kids, I look after other peoples children, and they bring allsorts into my house, like you say they dont cover their hands, they put everything in their mouths, slaver, cough, sneeze etc all over you, pick up any bug going...

And yet generally its my daughter who catches everything from them (her immune system being weaker cos of her diabetes,) and I am pretty sure that initially my hubby caught something from one of the kids, but, aside of what I caught at Xmas same time as him, I can't remember even having a cold for a couple of years easily before that. I think I am just probably bathing in all their bugs and germs all the time that my body is full of them lol!!
Funnily enough my hubby was watching some docu on telly last night about how ever second of every day we breathe in spores, and they attatch themselves to our lungs, and our bodies automatically send these "things" (anti-bodies?) to fight them EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY...but that just occasionally for some reason it just DOESNT. Wierd?? I didnt watch it so I don't really know what the explanation etc was but, just thought it was coincidental to us talking about this.

 

[wubbie075]

Say we were born on a planet where homosexuality was the norm, and heterosexuality was the abomination, the target of religious damnation and social disapproval. If we lived on a planet where in nature men were with men and women were with women and I was born the way I am, could I settle down with another man just to escape social ridicule, teasing, hazing, harasement, being disowned by my parents, and having the church tell me that my lifestyle goes against Gods will???

I get the point you are trying to make, but this example is just silly. No species that came to being with the proportion of homosexuality to heterosexuality inverted would survive.

 

[Roze]

I am afraid of mice and rats.

Abortions and hearing about deaths make me really sad I just think about what kind of life these babies (the ones in the tummies as well) might have had. Also, when I hear in the news of a father or mother dieing and leaving their infant child behind. Makes me sad that the baby will grow up not knowing his or her mommy's or daddy's love. I also get sad when an specie goes extinct I think how much our future generation might be missing as this trend increase. I pity the future generations that will have to suffer through most of humanity's selfishness and insensitivity to the planet earth.

 

[Frisco]

"Scared" and "saddened" don't seem to go together, in my way of seeing those two emotions. Perhaps one after the other, but not together like scared and angry or saddened and lonely.

Maybe we're all a bit different about which feelings mix in us.

I'm scared of today's politicians. They've gotten more and more selfish and unable to work well with people who they don't agree with.

I'm saddened by the horrid proliferation of unwanted children being born, and it's a world wide issue, and in one of the most macabre twists of logic, that fact is used by abortion advocates as a reason to kill those children prior to their birth (and, no, nobody is suggesting they should be killed after their birth).

 

[batgeek]

the only thing that makes me scared or sad(and also angry) are idiots. they are the root of all the problems that everyone else are scared and sad about.

 

[B2L]

the only thing that makes me scared or sad(and also angry) are idiots. they are the root of all the problems that everyone else are scared and sad about.

You said it! I am also extremely scared of idiots, they are everywhere. AHHHHHH!!!

 

[Frisco]

the only thing that makes me scared or sad(and also angry) are idiots. they are the root of all the problems that everyone else are scared and sad about.

Yeah. Down with idiots. Up with non-idiots.

Now, on to finding out which is which. What are the clues?

 

[batgeek]

every individual will have their own criteria for what makes an idiot. that's the beauty of it!

 

[Frisco]

People who chew gum with their mouth open while looking at you trying to pretend like they understand what you're saying?

People who ask others who they should vote for?

People who think Africa is a country?

People who can't find their own state on a map of the U.S.?

Women who accidentally drop their birth control pill in the toilet then take an aspirin to make up for it?

Men who remove their wedding ring when they go into a bar?

(stop me, I'm getting on a roll)

 

[9to5cynic]

I am afraid of mostly time. Time and death. And the unknown... And loneliness.

When I was young, I'd read this big book of space facts (like an encyclopedia for space) and that would really freak me out. Just the thought of how insignificant life really is. With billions of stars and planets, what makes this one important...?

Things like that. But I think I'm getting over that one. Though, I'm always thinking of what it'll be like to be dead. I don't think living people can conceptualize it really.


Also, I'm a little bit paranoid, but that's not quite what this thread is about.

 

[damewolf13]

I am most saddened by how much this forum has changed in the past year.
I am saddened that in the past when I would post something to lighten a tense thread (winky included), it was taken in the spirit that was intended.
I am saddened that when I post something like that now, it brings the threat of a warning of citation. I am most afraid to post anything anymore for fear of recrimination.
I have always enjoyed coming here to read and post, and most of all, to learn, but while I will still come here to learn, I will, sadly, no longer post.

 

[Roze]

I am most saddened by how much this forum has changed in the past year.
I am saddened that in the past when I would post something to lighten a tense thread (winky included), it was taken in the spirit that was intended.
I am saddened that when I post something like that now, it brings the threat of a warning of citation. I am most afraid to post anything anymore for fear of recrimination.
I have always enjoyed coming here to read and post, and most of all, to learn, but while I will still come here to learn, I will, sadly, no longer post.

Dame, I would suggest you post how you feel in the Suggestion/Feedback Forum. Maybe what you posted was read out of context and it was seen as rude or attacking another member. It's hard to judge what are people's intentions online and some Moderators might take the more cautious route just to play it safe.

Phases is great with responding to such inquiries and everyone on staff wants you and every other member to have the best experience on AF.