A morbidly obese man had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight. He'd tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Carnivore, Atkins, Weight Watchers, and many more. None of them worked.
One day, he was reading the newspaper when he noticed a small ad that read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A male voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 AM the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading, "If you catch me, you can screw me."
Well, the big guy chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was finished enjoying his reward, she said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!"
He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost exactly ten pounds, right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The male voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The somewhat less overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."
"Very well," the voice told him, "Give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
At about 8:00 AM the next morning the man received a knock on the door. When he opened the door he saw a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman, dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck reading, "If you catch me, you can screw me."
The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself.
Later that evening he called the number again: the male voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed.
"Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."
The man replied, "Listen buddy, here's my credit card number, you just have your representative over here in the morning!" and hung up the phone.
About 6:00 AM the next morning the man got out of bed, showered and shaved, splashed on some cologne and got all ready for the day's representative.
Around 7:00 AM he heard a knock on the door. When he opened the door, he saw a huge gorilla with a sign around his neck stating, "IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."
I get to hear the scoop the 21st from my new heart doctor. The one I've been seeing has moved his practice and I'm left with his partner in crime. It's the guy that installed my stents so I'm looking forward to seeing him anyway. I've never had the chance to thank him.
