Good Medicine

[dautley]

it's just your brains oozing out, don't worry about it

my feet stink

 

[G.Armour]

Build a fire and stick em in it till you smell burning flesh.

My back hurts

 

[weddle]

Try sliding down five flights of stairs face-up. Helps me and I recommend it to everyone!

There is a large squirrel gnawing on my face

 

[dmcduck]

That's what you get for sticking your face in the peanut butter jar. I suggest therapy.

I have liver spots.

 

[angldvl81]

Drink through it

My nose itches

 

[weddle]

Try snorting some crushed glass. That should ease your itching woes.

I can't see my back

 

[9to5cynic]

Remove an eye.

Ear pressure.

 

[dmcduck]

Jab an ice pick in your ear canal. Just be careful not to go into your brain.

I have the munchies.

 

[weddle]

Stop smoking pot and move to cocaine lol your appetite will vanish.

My feet are wet

 

[angldvl81]

Stop peeing on your feet

I'm thirsty

 

[weddle]

Beer!!!!

I stopped peeing on my feet but they're still wet

 

[Yeahha]

Take your feet out of the toilet.

I get headaches when I forget to drink.

 

[weddle]

Go to the e.r. and ask them to hook up an intravenous alcohol drip
Lol

Feet are out of the toilet, I haven't peed on them for at least ten minutes, and THEYRE STILL WET!!

 

[NightHawk877]

Dry them off.

My urine is a funky color.

 

[9to5cynic]

Close your eyes after pissing.

Arm is itchy.

 

[NightHawk877]

Apply itching cream to your arm.

My butt hurts

 

[weddle]

That is not a storage space. Try a closet or a box

I think my job is gonna cause me an aneurism

 

[9to5cynic]

Punch your boss. Aneurism defeated with the boss.

Case of curiosity.

 

[weddle]

Well if you don't like cats then I'd suggest getting one. (Bad attempt at a joke)

I can't stop leeching my neighbors wifi lol

 

[9to5cynic]

Invite yourself over. Then they'd be obligated to offer it to you.


Weak memory, forgot to post my illness (case proven )

 

[weddle]

Try compulsively buying anything you see in late night TV advertising. In a week you should have enough worthless stuff to not need memory.

I can't stop licking fan blades

 

[dmcduck]

Treatment depends on whether they are android fans or apple fans. Further information is necessary.

I'm stuck in the past.

 

[Yeahha]

Take a good dose of speed

Got my IV liquor drip, now I can't drive

 

[weddle]

Buy an airplane. Flying's just like in the video games right?

I jammed a USB drive into my ear canal

 

[DsyMnapTic]

Blah