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Heartbroken

MoodyBlues

MoodyBlues

Compassion is cool!
VIP Member
My precious Joy Noelle went to Rainbow Bridge yesterday. She was in her favorite place, on my chest; I held her close, stroked her sweet little face, and I told her a million times how much I love her, and what a joy she's been and how I couldn't imagine the past 18+ years if she hadn't been a part of them. She's at my vet's office now (he met my helper there this morning) so she can be cremated.

I don't have words to express how deep this hurt is. May write more later.
 
My heart aches with yours, Moody.

There is nothing worse than knowing we will outlive our 4-legged family members and then actually doing it. Perhaps this is our penance for receiving their love and loyalty, as if we deserve it. This moment of grief is exponentially outweighed by their companionship through the years.
 
Moody, my heart shares your pain; it is so difficult to lose a dear furriend, but still I’m grateful for the many years you had together, and she will live in your heart forever. (Of course, she’s been living there a long time already!) May your sweetest and most cherished memories overcome the awful pain. Hugs to you.
Rest easy and run free, Joy Noelle, and know that you will be loved forever. <3
 
I sure know how you feel. My precious Daisy I still haven't adjusted to life without. 2010 was a great year for her and me, and tech. Nothing could take her place and she died as soon as the mess known as Android 'Lollipop' and iOS 7 (and Windows 8) happened. Seems all the 'life' in everything vanished with her death.

Jack the buck (deer in my avatar) I just got news he died in late 2021. He was 16.

All I have in my home now is a 5 year old bunny named Bubbles (no idea what breed he is, he's huge, has 'helicopter ears' and is about as spoiled as an old dog. )
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words and loving thoughts. I don't think I've stopped crying since she died. My hands kept reaching for her during the night, by rote, but she wasn't on my chest. I realized at some point yesterday that my helper took Joy Noelle to my vet's [on Sunday, when they're closed] because she *correctly* guessed that I planned on holding her cold, stiff body in my arms all day, and thought it would be better if Doc kept her. I thanked her for that.

Out of laziness I'm going to paste in what I wrote to my daughter, which explains how it unfolded...

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I really don't know any words that can describe how much this hurts. She has been *literally* on my body 24/7 for so long, only leaving to eat, drink, or potty, and I don't know how to function without her.

Everything happened really fast. On Thursday, she was with me when I showered, getting up on the sink and trying to open the curtain as usual, and when I went to the kitchen she followed me and tried to get into the refrigerator (one of her new cute things). Friday evening, I saw her stumble when she tried to walk, and when she jumped off the bedsteps she just went sliding across the floor. When she stumbled, it was deja vu to that evening Star [my all-time favorite female Great Dane] did that, on her way to her dinner, and then she didn't eat all her food, and in the morning I took her to our vet and went on to class. When I went to pick her up...she had died. I thought, history CANNOT repeat itself. It just can't.

It did.

Saturday morning she was clearly in distress. Like desperately. I took her to the litter box but she couldn't even stand up. [My helper] and I debated calling Doc or taking her to an emergency vet or what, but nothing made sense--why traumatize her? So I spent all day with her curled up on a soft towel in her favorite spot, my chest, just stroking her sweet little face, telling her what a joy she's been, how much I've loved her, and that when she got to Rainbow Bridge, all her brothers and sisters would be waiting to greet her, and they'd show her all the ropes, find a good spot for her morning sunbath, and take her to Grandma and Uncle Erik [my dear friend who was living with me and found Joy Noelle with me in the middle of the night; he died of suicide]--with his giant hands--and Uncle Greg [my brother, who also died of suicide]. Around 4:00pm, she started moaning every few seconds. I just kept stroking her and saying "I know, baby, I know..." Then she started this cough/sneeze thing every few seconds...and then stopped breathing. At 4:04. I tickled her ears and blew at her face, hoping to get a reaction, but there was none.

Of all times, [My helper's] phone was dead, so all my texts and calls went nowhere. When she got home, she had heard/read my messages. She came in here and gave me the biggest hug, during which we both cried our eyes out. She felt awful that she missed my call [before] and texts [after] until just then. She said she's never seen a more loved, loyal cat and that if she were a dog or cat THIS is where she'd want to live. She talked to Doc [my vet, and where I met her 17 years ago] this morning, and he met her at the office so Joy Noelle could be kept there until Monday. He told her something like 'no pet ever had a better parent.'

I'm lost. Just utterly lost...
 
Sometimes when I'm really depressed and asleep, I swear I can feel the weight of Daisy's head on my chest almost like she's there comforting me. Kinda odd since a large doe like her never lived indoors with me--I visited her another town over and she was an outdoor deer. Spent entire days just lying with her, playing with her telling her everything.

I still miss her. Badly. Heck, just using an old Samsung device or my Vista machine brings back memories since that was the 'new' thing when I was with her. I had my iPhone 3GS and used to annoy the heck out of her playing Angry Birds. It got to the point that I'd just jokingly play the title intro music just to see her roll her eyes at me (she was extremely intelligent.)

Bubbles, however, does the Zelda "Na'vi" fairy "HEY!!! LISTEN!!!" at me if I'm too engrossed in YouTube by the way he stands on two legs and pops his huge head up. If I ignore him, he nips at my feet. Bubbles is a free roaming bunny who is litter trained (although he occasionally misses the mark) and is so outgoing you can't annoy him or frighten him. It's been a couple years since anything startled him enough to make him go into a 'thumping fit' and you can touch any part of him--heck you can get him to literally suck on your finger if you want--he doesn't mind. He apparently never got the memo that bunnies hate having their rear touched or being picked up.

People think I'm nuts but I swear I can talk to animals. I have a strong empathy for them.

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I realized there's something missing that people not familiar with Joy Noelle should know: we were in year 5 of renal failure. We watched her go from her lifelong weight of 10-ish pounds to less than 5. Over the years we did everything from giving her fluids from IV bags--that *I* had to stick their huge needle in her to administer subcutaneously--to prescription food, various prescriptions, frequent lab work, etc. But the writing was always on the wall. I just didn't want to read it. :(
 
MoodyBlues said:
I realized there's something missing that people not familiar with Joy Noelle should know: we were in year 5 of renal failure. We watched her go from her lifelong weight of 10-ish pounds to less than 5. Over the years we did everything from giving her fluids from IV bags--that *I* had to stick their huge needle in her to administer subcutaneously--to prescription food, various prescriptions, frequent lab work, etc. But the writing was always on the wall. I just didn't want to read it. :(
Click to expand...

That shows how much you cared for Joy. To me that's extremely impressive. I tip my hat to you. So sorry to hear about your loss.
 
I cannot say anything that has not already been expressed.

Benjamen, my fuzzy buddy as my avatar, turned blue and cold before my sister and I could leave the vets office.

Even the vet had tears in his eyes.

I know how this will sound to some, but I told my kitty that he could go whenever he had to, and that I would always love and remember him.
Maybe two months later, he and my sister and myself all were looking at one another, and it became apparent to all of us.

We spent the day with him, and he was his old self.
Playing, coming to us when called, etc.

I knew that I could never go through it again. Benjamen was 17 1/2.
Nikki, the cat I grew up with, lived to 18.

I had continuing dreams about them for years, and sometimes still do.

The eyes connected to this cold heart still often well with tears at times when I think of them, and it is rare that I dont think of them daily.

Both times I didnt want to go on, and I dont want to go through it again.

I remember the pics you sent me, and it was obvious that she is an exceptional kitty.

All I can say is that our only hope of immortallity in this realm is the love and effects we have on others. Your kitty lives on inside of you. You have effect on others, and as such so does your sweet cat.
 
In late 2012, Daisy got 'cancer eye' and she lingered for a few more months and finally it caught up to her in April 2013. I still have the Galaxy Tab 2 10.1 I bought in Spring 2012 when she was in better health. It's chock full of Go Vegan Radio with Bob Linden MP3s. Daisy was rescued after being shot in one eye as a fawn in an 'antlerless hunt' season back in 1996. That was long before I met her. I figured she survived that--she can survive this 'cancer eye' thing. She seemed to appear to be getting better in January 2013, and became less isolated and started interacting more with me, so I foolishly had high hopes she was making it. Her eye was also healing, or so it seemed. Three months later I learned the hard way. She was still eating and drinking so stupid me thought she was fine and that it would pass.

2013 was the year everything started to fall apart in more ways than one. I have not recovered.

Daisy wasn't the only one there. There was Mariposa, a youngling that lost her mom in another 'antlerless season' and Daisy was being a mother to her. As you can tell from here, Daisy is isolating from even Mariposa because she was quite ill. The poor little doe was following me asking me 'what gives?! Mommy isn't paying any attention to me!' That little doe never wanted anything to do with me until Daisy got sick.

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Daisy was far more than a 'pet'. She was an angel. I met her owner when she pulled her camper next to mine at an RV park I was living at. I mean what are the chances of that happening? I might as well have won the PowerBall.

Daisy came at the perfect time. I was so depressed after losing another doe in my life in 2005 named Suzie and I almost committed suicide from depression. It also didn't help that my camper actually burned to the ground with everything I owned inside in early 2009. I swear if not for Daisy I'd not even be here.

I tell people that despite the name 'Daisy' being a super popular pet deer name, there will only be one Daisy Deer

Here's Bubbles:

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I'm sure I've posted this picture before, but as I just sent it to a friend I thought I'd add it here, too. The night my friend Erik and I found Joy Noelle, we brought her inside and set her up in the front bathroom for the night. I had 375 pounds of Great Dane (Freddie Mercury and his sister Queen) desperate to find out what this new toy was that Mommy had brought in, so we had to keep her safe. They had never seen a kitten, as all my existing cats were adults when they came along. They would never intentionally hurt her, but one step and she'd be flat as a pancake.

We didn't have any kitten food, as all five(?) current cats were on senior and/or prescription and/or low calorie diets, but we did the best we could and gave her a bowl of food, a bowl of water, a makeshift little litter box, and a gold box, about 6" square, filled with excelsior to sleep in if she wanted to; the bathroom rug was soft, so she could've slept there, too. When I popped my head in a little later to check on her before going to bed, she was happily curled up in the gold box and I snapped some pics. When my mother [in California, I was in Dallas] saw this one the next day, she immediately said that the kitten was saying "I'm home!" I later added a word bubble with Joy Noelle saying that, and used it on Mom's computer as her wallpaper, so she saw it every day:

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