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MoodyBlues' Mother

zuben el genub said:
Clipping hair and putting it in lockets was very common in Victorian times. Hair was also incorporated into jewelry - there's a category for mourning jewelry.
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Yes, I learned about that by watching one of my favorite shows, Oddities. One of the owners, Evan, is huge on anything from the Victorian era, and she and the shop have various dead-people's-hair items.

I'm still surprised the nurse was surprised!
 
MoodyBlues said:
On Monday, when the hospice nurse came to clean Mom up before the mortuary people arrived, something kind of funny happened. I asked our aide to get me the scissors, and she immediately knew why--I wanted to clip a little of Mom's hair to keep. The nurse--who was a replacement for our usual nurse and we'd never met before--was like, HUH?! She asked us what we were going to do. We said "clip a little of her hair." She looked at us like we were from Mars! :laugh: She asked why..."is it some kind of religious thing?" After I left the room our aide asked her "HOW long have you been doing this?!" (Eight years.) We just couldn't believe that she'd never seen anyone do this before. Question: IS IT REALLY THAT WEIRD?
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No more so than "stealing one's soul and putting into a box", a.k.a. taking a photograph. MOF before modern imagery, saving locks of hair was commonplace from the cradle to the grave. My "baby book" has a lock of my hair, photographs, and strange things called "telegrams". ;)
 
Speed Daemon said:
No more so than "stealing one's soul and putting into a box", a.k.a. taking a photograph.
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Speaking of photos, I took some of Mom Monday...you know, after she died. I didn't care if anyone would think it was bizarre, weird, maudlin, ghoulish...whatever. It felt right and I did it. When my daughter returned the next day I asked if she wanted to see them, and she did. She was glad I had them. My husband wants to see them, too. It's a good way to show what those of us who saw Mom in person recognized, i.e., that she clearly died in her sleep and without any signs of distress or fear.

MOF before modern imagery, saving locks of hair was commonplace from the cradle to the grave. My "baby book" has a lock of my hair, photographs, and strange things called "telegrams". ;)
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Telegrams?! Oh, I remember seeing one of those delivered to the Ricardos once on I Love Lucy. :) It's so strange how things have progressed. Back when my daughter was born, our friends and relatives around the country had to wait for actual, lab-printed photographs to arrive via mail before they saw what she looked like. When my two grandsons were born, I saw their beautiful faces and my daughter still in the delivery room within moments of their births.
 
MoodyBlues said:
Speaking of photos, I took some of Mom Monday...you know, after she died. I didn't care if anyone would think it was bizarre, weird, maudlin, ghoulish...whatever. It felt right and I did it. When my daughter returned the next day I asked if she wanted to see them, and she did. She was glad I had them. My husband wants to see them, too. It's a good way to show what those of us who saw Mom in person recognized, i.e., that she clearly died in her sleep and without any signs of distress or fear.
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Our taboo codes are confusing. For centuries we've been taking death masks of people famous, infamous and otherwise to remember them by. But taking photographs of recently deceased people for any purpose other than scientific is frowned upon. :dontknow:

Telegrams?! Oh, I remember seeing one of those delivered to the Ricardos once on I Love Lucy. :) It's so strange how things have progressed. Back when my daughter was born, our friends and relatives around the country had to wait for actual, lab-printed photographs to arrive via mail before they saw what she looked like. When my two grandsons were born, I saw their beautiful faces and my daughter still in the delivery room within moments of their births.
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I think that by the time I was born, telegrams were mainly status symbols used by free-spending businessmen. That's who sent most of my congratulatory telegrams, my dad's business friends. Interesting how Western Union has gone from serving our nation's most prominent and wealthy citizens to ripping off our most poor and vulnerable ones. :(

I have a cousin who is in constant contact with all of her children and grandchildren all day long, using her notmePad. Telepresence 24x7! I think it's a little too Borg for my tastes. I like having time to myself so I can think up stuff that's actually worth sharing.
 
Like Granite1, I also have missed this thread, as I have not frequented the Lounge lately, so even though it is late, I want to express my condolences to you MB, and let you know that everyone grieves in their own way. Your Mom would understand that you need to do this in your own way, and your own time.
I, for one, believe that the snippet of hair is a most beautiful and heartfelt way for you to keep a piece of your Mom with you, however, always remember that you have her heart with you forever, even after the both of you leave this Earth.
While these earthly bodies expire, love lives forever!
 
oh MoodyBlues, I had no idea this occurred, I didn't about this thread and certainly not the news until now. Its evident that you were there for your mother and you took good care of here and you must know that your care and love no doubt gave her the BEST gift she ever received in the life.

sometimes no words, just the presence, just being there, just that caring touch means more than everything else. Its sad, yes, I've been there in the same circumstance. I am sure there's support team of family and friends that will check in on you from time to time. And with all jokes and puns aside, you have the virtual friends here. From the looks of this thread and responses, you have a global support team from across the world!

I am so glad you were there for her and you made her life more meaningful n the most needed moment of her life.

Stay strong our MoodyBlues sister!
 
Thanks, Rico. That's very sweet. I'm proud that I was able to give my mother something no one else had truly ever given her--unconditional love and care. It saddens me to think that she spent 80+ years never really knowing what it's like to be loved and cared for with no strings attached, no ulterior motives, but it makes me happy to know that in the end I was able to show her what that was like. And I know she appreciated it.
 
MoodyBlues said:
Thanks, Rico. That's very sweet. I'm proud that I was able to give my mother something no one else had truly ever given her--unconditional love and care. It saddens me to think that she spent 80+ years never really knowing what it's like to be loved and cared for with no strings attached, no ulterior motives, but it makes me happy to know that in the end I was able to show her what that was like. And I know she appreciated it.
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And THATS the moments of life that you want to cherish the rest of your days. those mean more than anything , believe me.

I don't know if you are up to a tune, but this song was released the very day my moms left in sleep. The words reads just like what you've typed above and I felt the same about my moms. Our moms do so much for us, they foregoe their own happiness at times. but then re realize their doing for is "IS" their happiness.

I couldn't listen or play this song for years,,,,,,,but now I cherish what it brings to memory


 
I was doing better yesterday and today, really! I only cried for about 15 minutes yesterday, and things were looking good today, too. And then the mortuary called... I knew immediately why they were calling. Mom's ashes and death certificates--and the top she was wearing when she died--are ready to be picked up. I immediately started sobbing, and the woman very kindly suggested dropping the death certificates in the mail so I'd have them to give to the places that need them, but delay coming in to pick up the ashes and shirt until later. I told her...okay, I SOBBED...that that was a great idea. So I have some time to think about whether to head over there alone or have someone go with me. I'm leaning toward the latter right now, but tomorrow, who knows?
 
Do the best you can to take it at your own pace Moody. Different things will strike you harder than others. The folks at funeral homes (mortuary) know this and will (I hope) be understanding and patient.
 
Unforgiven said:
Do the best you can to take it at your own pace Moody. Different things will strike you harder than others. The folks at funeral homes (mortuary) know this and will (I hope) be understanding and patient.
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Thanks, Unforgiven. I have to say that--across the board--every single place I've talked to on the phone...while sobbing hysterically...has been really kind and gentle. I'm not sure how some of them managed to decipher what I was saying, but they all have and they've all been very thoughtful. It's nice to find there are still people--random strangers--out there who understand situations like this and handle it so compassionately. :)
 
MoodyBlues said:
I was doing better yesterday and today, really! I only cried for about 15 minutes yesterday, and things were looking good today, too. And then the mortuary called... I knew immediately why they were calling. Mom's ashes and death certificates--and the top she was wearing when she died--are ready to be picked up. I immediately started sobbing, and the woman very kindly suggested dropping the death certificates in the mail so I'd have them to give to the places that need them, but delay coming in to pick up the ashes and shirt until later. I told her...okay, I SOBBED...that that was a great idea. So I have some time to think about whether to head over there alone or have someone go with me. I'm leaning toward the latter right now, but tomorrow, who knows?
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Take a friend with you if you can. It's always good to have somebody to lean on, and if needed, a shoulder to cry on. Plus, it is better to have someone who can take over driving duties in case you get too upset. Hang in there, kiddo, things do get easier. Eventually.
 
i'm really sorry moodyblues. i know exactly what you are going thru. i went thru this with my dad who died a few years ago. i might have been a little more prepared then you maybe as he had alzeheimers which took him eventually at a young 65years old. it was hard to see him decline so fast. it was getting to the point where he had no idea who me and my family were. before he past one, he could not speak or feed himself. so over that time my family started already the grieving process......the best thing was that, like your mom, he past away in his sleep. and after seeing what he was like before, we all new he went on to a much better place.

the only thing i can say is that time is the greatest healer. emerse yourself in whatever that keeps your mind busy. keep in touch with friends and family they will help support you.

good luck to you and keep your head high.....the good times will start to come again for you:)
 
ocnbrze said:
i'm really sorry moodyblues. i know exactly what you are going thru. i went thru this with my dad who died a few years ago. i might have been a little more prepared then you maybe as he had alzeheimers which took him eventually at a young 65years old.
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I'm sorry for your loss--and 65 is so young. :(

it was hard to see him decline so fast. it was getting to the point where he had no idea who me and my family were. before he past one, he could not speak or feed himself. so over that time my family started already the grieving process......
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Actually, it was very similar for me, but for different reasons. After the choking incident in January that landed Mom in the hospital, her mental state went from 100% lucid to disoriented, delusional, time/space traveling, etc. It didn't take long for me to come to see that period--which only lasted about 6 weeks--as a blessing in disguise. Mom's body was still here, but Mom wasn't...really. So it was like a preview of what was to come, sort of a bridge between her still being here and her being gone. For the most part, she still recognized everybody, but even that was touch and go. For example, on consecutive visits when my cousin came over, my mom recognized her, knew who she was, that this was her niece, her brother's daughter, etc., but the first time she thought my cousin was in her third year of college (that was some 30 years ago!) and the second time she thought she was in high school.

the best thing was that, like your mom, he past away in his sleep. and after seeing what he was like before, we all new he went on to a much better place.
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Yes, definitely. I know that my mom is at peace now and she's not suffering. For that, I'm grateful. But, selfishly, I'm not happy for me. :(

the only thing i can say is that time is the greatest healer. emerse yourself in whatever that keeps your mind busy. keep in touch with friends and family they will help support you.

good luck to you and keep your head high.....the good times will start to come again for you:)
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Thanks. :)
 
Just saw this - very sorry for your loss, MoodyBlues.

MoodyBlues said:
Speaking of photos, I took some of Mom Monday...you know, after she died. I didn't care if anyone would think it was bizarre, weird, maudlin, ghoulish...whatever
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Not at all bizarre: it was called Momento Mori by the Victorians. There was actually a show of some Victorian examples in a London gallery in January.

Last year an artist showed a painting she made of her mother after she had died.

Like death masks, taking pictures may have fallen out of fashion, but it seems a natural thing to want to do.
 
Hi MB. I agree with take someone with you too. Yes, there's some thing afterward that you will have to do that takes care of legal matters, which need copies of documents and such. I had one of my brothers do that part when things were done after the funeral. You try not to do it all by yourself.
 
I've decided that I need to start DOING things. I had put off so much while caring for my mom, and now I have nothing but time on my hands. I think it's time to get back to business. I've neglected my web sites for months, and really need to get cracking on adding new designs. I have flower seeds--currently right where I left them a few weeks ago, in Mom's room on her dresser--that need to be planted. I have a pond I need to troubleshoot--it started emptying for no apparent reason. :confused: I have shopping bags FILLED with old mail I should go through (nothing important--I was steadfast in taking care of bills and other important things as soon as they arrived). And stacks of magazines I haven't even looked at yet. It's time to tackle some of these things!
 
Perfect, you hang around doing nothing and all sorts of bad things start running through your head, much better to stay busy and focus on what you need to do today, when I lost my father I had days where I had the energy and desire to get a lot accomplished and some days where I was lucky to have the energy and will just to make a sandwich so I didn't starve, everyday gets a little easier and brighter. Just take things at a comfortable pace. I wish you well. :)
OB
 
I've got a bike you can ride it if you like its got bells and whistles and things to make it look good I'd give it to you if I could but I borrowed it.


The point is that sometimes we just have things that don't belong to us that we try to give away.

Moody taking care of your stuff and yourself is what you mom would want for you. I'm sure she would want you to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment of that which we do not own but have borrowed. ;)
 
argedion said:
Moody taking care of your stuff and yourself is what you mom would want for you. I'm sure she would want you to live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment of that which we do not own but have borrowed. ;)
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I've been reminding myself--I mean consciously, deliberately reminding myself--of this very fact every day. Mom definitely would NOT want me moping around, crying, being miserable over her death and departure. She told me so! She told a number of people "don't you DARE cry when I die!" Like, right, how can we not cry?! :confused: But her point is well taken, as is yours. Thank you. :)
 
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