The Punny Side of Life

[Notes_Norton]

I'm addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.​

 

[Notes_Norton]

He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

 

[The_Chief]

After a typically uneventful convention in Las Vegas, an accountant was desperate enough to hire a couple of prostitutes for the evening. He spent the entire unforgettable night there. The next morning, he explained his meticulous records-keeping to the madam and asked for a receipt. She obliged and wrote the receipt saying "Payment for cervixes rendered".

 

[Notes_Norton]

 

[Notes_Norton]

I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're back stabbers.

 

[rootabaga]

I admit this one took me longer than it should have…

 

[olbriar]

 

[Notes_Norton]

 

[rootabaga]

I went for a drive in the country and parked near a beautiful field. As I was walking through it I tripped over something and fell in the grass and was then attacked by a flock of sheep!

Luckily, they only grazed me…

 

[Notes_Norton]

 

[olbriar]

 

[Notes_Norton]

My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn't 1 2.

 

[rootabaga]

My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn't 1 2.

Are you also counting off?

 

[olbriar]

 

[olbriar]

 

[olbriar]

 

[rootabaga]

We hope you didn’t have to trek very far to find those, olbriar…

 

[Notes_Norton]

My roommates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

 

[rootabaga]

My roommates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Do you know what their concerns are baste on?

 

[BrickHouse]

Do you know what their concerns are baste on?

Sunset he's done forked up, the can choose to roast, bake or grill him.

 

[rootabaga]

Sunset he's done forked up, the can choose to roast, bake or grill him.

Out of curiosity, what keys were your fingers resting on when you typed that?

 

[olbriar]

 

[Notes_Norton]

 

[BrickHouse]

Out of curiosity, what keys were your fingers resting on when you typed that?

Good question ... I was using my phone, so that would be the ever incessant drunken gremlins we call "auto correct"

 

[Notes_Norton]